I am so angry I'm shaking inside

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by hearts and roses, Aug 11, 2011.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Because of my severe knee pain I can no longer go for walks around the block with my H, I cannot go on hikes and I usually average about 4-5 hours a night sleep because the pain wakes me up all night long. My knee aches, sometimes it's stabbing pain, sometimes it's dull, but it always aches. I have to take celebrex, which doesn't do much anymore. I also take tylenol during the day because I can't mix another NSAID with the celebrex. At night I take Tramadol and today I'm calling my DR to find out if I can double up.

    I have an appointment with my ortho to get details about having my knee replaced, but I can't have it done until Christmastime or shortly thereafter due to school committments and work committments. I'm just barely hanging in there, okay?

    I DO NOT LIKE TO WAX ON ABOUT THE PAIN I AM IN. I hate to sounds like a downer and a complainer. My Dr was nice enough to give me the forms for a temporary handicapped tag for my car. I don't use it all the time, but I do use it on the mornings when my knee is really bad. My limp is hardly noticeable and I don't use a cane, etc., but believe me, as I'm walking from my car to the office building, I am wincing in pain MOST DAYS.

    So, this guy who has a PT office in the upstairs of the building (we are downstairs and I cannot take the stairs so I have to use the elevator), actually sent a letter to the landlord of the buidling (also has an office here) complaining about ME using the handicapped parking space. He claims that I 'walk fine' and am abusing the use of the spaces. He claims that I am using the spaces when more worthy handicapped people need those spaces, in particular, his patients.

    When the maintenance guy brought this to my attention, well, I just went from 0-100 in less than 3 seconds, I tell you. I let out a string of words I'm ashamed of and told him to have the guy come see me personally and I'll let him have it. It doesn't help that the guy is a small guy - I called him a twerp, lol.

    I'm shaking I am so angry - what would you do??? Besides just keep parking there, duh, which is what I plan to do. I just hope that little sob comes up to me and says something, I may punch him.

    **Edited to add that the PT guy parks in the 'regular' space which is immediately next to the handicapped spaces. If he's so concerned about his patients being close to the building, why doesn't he park elsewhere so they could be closer to the building?? I went to the landlord's office and made the suggestion to make ALL the spots in front of the building handicapped only. Ha - see how he likes that!
     
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2011
  2. keista

    keista New Member

    (((((HUGS)))))

    Let him come to you and instead of punching him, try a baseball bat to HIS knee and see if he'll consider himself less 'worthy' of a handicapped spot. (yes, of course I'm joking, but we are allowed to *think* these things, right?)

    You don't owe him or anyone else an explanation. You have LEGAL and LEGITIMATE permission to park in the handicapped spot. He can take up his complaint with the DMV. The guy is a tool because the landlord has absolutely NO authority over who can and cannot use the handicapped spots if they have a LEGAL and LEGITIMATE placard.
     
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I'd be PO'd beyond belief. Who does he think he IS, anyway? No, don't answer that, many doctors think they are God.

    My husband looks perfectly fine. I have a placard in my car, he has one in his truck - because his injuries cannot be seen. He has a testicular neuroma which makes walking distances quite literally debilitating. He'll do OK for a bit, then suddenly in the middle of Kroger bend over gasping as if someone kicked him there.

    I only use the placard when he is with me. Even when I was in major pain from the miscarriage, I walked.

    This guy can jam it. You know where I mean.
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    There are so many jerks in this world. WHAT IS THIS TO HIM???? Honestly, if he confronted me directly, I'd tell him the truth and probably not in a nice way. I'd also ask him about his specialty, since he is acting like he knows so much. Since he didn't confront you, I'd just let it go. Is a person who acts like somebody's backside really worth a moment's grief?
    I have worked in three hospitals, although I'm not a nurse (mostly worked in the offices). The doctors are often very rude to the help. This does NOT apply to all of them, but some have really bad God complexes. by the way, our best doctors were usually the nicest ones.
     
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'd be ticked, too. Mainly because it's not his beeswax.
     
  6. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    From another side of it, I remember a story a friend of mine told me way back, when his mother was sick with rheumatoid arthritis and needed handicapped parking spots. This was in the early 80s, when there weren't nearly as many spots as there are now. One day he was walking through a parking lot and saw someone park in a handicapped spot without special tags. He politely pointed out to them that they didn't have handicapped tags, and asked if they really needed that spot. They very impolitely told him to mind his own business. He said his mother was handicapped, and that it bothered him when people who didn't need the spots, used them, sometimes leaving her with no spot when she was in a lot of pain. They told him to !$%& off and went inside the store.

    So, while they were inside, he took all the air out of their tires.

    Tempting, in this situation, eh?
     
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    It's called NONE OF HIS BUSINESS.

    If your doctor felt that you need the handicap plaque that is all that counts. This jerks opinion does NOT matter one bit. He may do PT, but he's not a doctor.

    This is right up there with people thinking Travis is "up to something" when he uses his white cane while walking simply because he happens to have some vision left, however I'm certain that if they were attempting to cope with being legally blind they'd be using the cane too.

    This is a case of "you can't fix stupid". PT or not, this jerk is just plain stupid. I pity his patients, as he's probably one of those who refuse to listen and stop when therapy is causing too much pain and becomes torture instead.

    I'd make a formal complaint in writing to the landlord of the building, then suggest that they ad more handicap spaces out front so that there are plenty for people who need them.

    I'd have hunted him down and went off on him.......but post menopausal......I can just be a *itch that way these days. lol

    Hugs
     
  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I agree, this is none of his business. I had a placard when I was laid up. Still qualify for one, but I don't need it, so I don't get it. And have you tried ketoprofen for your knee pain? It helped a few people I know.

    Sidebar - I don't try to judge folks using the handicap parking spots anymore because of two people. One is in the book Alex, the life of a child - it was a tv movie way back when, too. The little girl had CF, and on the day she died, at home, with her family, she asked for grape soda. The dad, who authored the book, detailed using the parking spot that day, despite the fact that his daughter was not with him. His detail of waiting in line with all the "regular" people having "regular" days while he was trying to buy his dying daughter grape soda and get home with it before she died struck a chord with me and has stuck with me since. I was probably 10 when I read that book.

    The other incident that reinforced that was my friends who have twin girls who are both quadrapalegics and on ventilators. At one point one of the parents HAD to be at home with these girls at all times in case one of them coded. Dad worked 6 days a week, so mom had to cram all of the family's shopping and errands into an hour or two here and there when dad could be home. I went with her on one of those whirlwind trips, and she only used the handicap spot when she literally ran into Walmart.

    I know many people abuse them, but these were enough to really drive home to me that perfectly fine people parking in a handicap spot may well NOT be perfectly fine.
     
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Leave note on SOB's windshield (I think we've had a similar discussion before)

    Because - when DF first got his handicapped placard? He felt the same way you do, and it took years to get him over the fact that Yes Virginia you may need the handicapped spot somedays - so use it and shut up.

    So here goes the letter for the simple man -

    Dear Elegant Complainer

    Today it was pointed out to me by the building landlord you felt slighted because I use the handicapped parking spot. For your complaint alone? I'm sorry for YOU. Apparently it had escaped your line of sight the placard not easily obtained from any physician (lest they loose their medical license that costs hundreds of thousands of dollars, not to mention their years of commitment, and sacrafice to their profession; of which I'm sure they are not willing to forego based on your opinion of my condition).

    While it occurs to me that absolutely NONE of my personal business or medical conditions are any of your business, your letter gives me an opportunity to educate someone once again. So I will say this much, and then I will say no more about this particular problem which I feel is all yours. Not every disability is visible with an untrained eye. Taking into account my assumption that you did not attend as many years of medical school as my physician I will continue to rely on his professional opinion on what is best and necessary for my continued healing.

    It has however been brought to light for many people [who are slightly more in the know of my needs] that as a person who has such compassion for handicapped people and close parking spaces that you tend to nab the second closest spot on the lot. Perhaps a show of good faith by your own person would be to park farther away ----where others could not hear you complain so much about things you don't understand, and should not speak about in the first place. The exercise for your tongue alone would do you good. Why by the time you and that tongue of yours made it from the farthest space to the door? You'd both be so tired? You'd have nothing to complain about.

    Signed
    HNR.

    Of course you word it nicer that I would - but I have cards with Mickey Mouse waiving a finger printed that say something much less fetching and only use them when real Jerkasauruses are in need of a wakeup.
     
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Actually, Star, your wording is perfect. Mind if I use it?? Seriously, I've already copied it and plan on sticking it up his...er, ON his windshield.

    Thanks for your support ladies. It took me MONTHS to finally use the darn placard here at my office parking lot for this very reason - because I know there are more handicapped people out there.

    Incidentally, it was another tenant who yelled at me for not using it. She convinced me that by using it, I was preserving the last bit of use I have of my stupid leg until I can have the surgery.

    I don't want to be this angry or upset, to feel this venom in my heart - it's not like me. I am trying to really let this go. I think this little note on his windshield will do just the trick, lol.

    ♥ Jo
     
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Jo...welcome to the world of the hidden disabilities. I have had my placard for almost 10 years now but still I get glares. I have had people yell at me that being fat isnt a disability...sigh.

    PS. Ask your doctor for some voltaren gel for your knees. It might help with the pain. Its doing me some good. Im still doing the horrid nights but it seems to be giving some relief and has pretty much stopped the hands in their tracks.
     
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You have a handicapped placcard and you're getting hassled???!!
    (I was going to suggest you get one - its a problem here... people who need it don't get the placcard, and then want to use the space... yes they need it, but GET THE CARD)

    Of course, then there's the other bozos out there... who have access to a placcard because of a family member, and then use it for themselves.
    (we need to come up with some creative punishment for those ones!)
    Which means, any time someone sees the stall being used by a person who does not "appear" disabled... they make assumptions.

    Carry a cane?
     
  13. keista

    keista New Member

    GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR They never once stop to think that having a disability MADE a person get fat. I know not always the case, but often enough.

    I once got to witness cops called on an illegally parked car. I entered the parking lot as the disabled woman who could not use a close parking spot had to walk 5 spaces down to where she did get to park. Took her about 15 minutes to cross the traffic portion of the lot. I sat there patiently letting her cross, while traffic backed up behind me and ppl started honking. I watched as the cop also slowed down his writing of the ticket to the person who was in "such a rush"
     
  14. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Being fat not a disability - it depends. But being a small-minded bigot definitely is not a disability. Sadly. because then maybe somebody would work on a cure for it.

    I also have had this problem. My disability is also fairly invisible. I walked unsteadily to begin with, found my legs feeling weak but otherwise I was able to get there. But a friend lent me a walking stick and I found the support helped. So did the extra stability - if your knee hurts, you need to protect yourself from a greater risk of a fall, so there is your 'excuse' for a walking stick. Get an interesting one but make sure you feel confident in how to use it.

    I actually use canada crutches. Or to be more accurate, one crutch mostly. Only for longer distances or if I'm really unsteady, do I use two. And over shorter distances or familiar ground, I do without. Increasingly lately, I do without. But in public, I ALWAYS use my stick. ALWAYS. Because it shuts up the idiots, or if it does not, it gives me something to threaten them with.

    Our problems come about because our car seats up to eight people. I have a permit, so does mother in law. If either one of us is in the car, the permit (for either of us) may be used. My permit is always in place, it's too much hassle to keep it in the glove box. I might risk forgetting to put it up and get booked. But what happens if we go shopping, for example, and an able-bodied family member gets back to the car before mother in law or I do? husband or difficult child 3 will often take a trolley of groceries back to the car, and find himself getting hassled because someone gets cranky at an apparently able-bodied person using a disabled parking space. Or husband moves the car for me, from one end of the mall to another. He might have let me out at one end, I might be using my wheels and need access at the other end in an hour's time. But he is able-bodied and has been challenged parking the car in a disabled spot, clearly nobody disabled in the car, but he has moved it to make it accessible for me. It takes time to explain and it embarrasses him to have to. But he also knows that when people challenge, they are also making these spaces more available for those who really need them. Sometimes a challenge is valid, and if someone is abusing a permit, then a challenge can free up spaces for those who need them.

    So how do we respond? Politely. Because often we are the ones getting cranky at inconsiderate people using disabled spots when they are not entitled to. A common thing here, is seeing someone in a disabled spot, with the driver sitting in the car. When challenged, the driver says, "I've just stopped here while my wife dashes in to get [X], I stayed with the car so I could move it if someone with a disabled permit came along."
    My response to this generally is, "Here I am standing talking to you, I actually did drive up and waited briefly, I had my permit on the car highly visible, yet you did not move. So how is your sitting in the car going to help, here? I am standing here now, because I had to find another parking spot. But you didn't know that, did you?"

    I also was challenged on another day by a woman in a wheelchair. The shopping centre is difficult to get a park in, I had a doctor's appointment and the disabled spot was there and I am entitled. But the woman in the wheelchair noted that I am able to walk, and this particular spot is the only one in the street with a usable wheelchair access. When she saw that I had a legal right she backed off, but I could see the poor woman's frustration. I suggested to her that we both need to lobby the relevant authorities to make more accessible spaces available.

    I used to often walk along the lines of disabled parking spaces and check to see if they were displaying a permit. In shopping centres the law does not apply, they are considered private and our road rules only apply in public areas, not privately owned shopping centre car parks. The shopping centres do police it though, especially if someone tells them. The shopping centre can't dish out fines, but they do stick on a windscreen-sized brightly coloured "you have parked here against the rules" notice on the windscreen. You can't drive off with the thing there because it obscures all vision, and those things are darn sticky - we copped them a few times because husband insisted on displaying the permit in the side window due to a legal technicality, and some private and public parking cops would ticket first and check later.

    I do find though, that often the people in the car next to me, both of us in disabled spots, are eyeing me off suspiciously just as I eye them off. I try to smile and say, "It is not easy to get access when you're disabled, is it?" I make a point of using my stick, this is not a time when I try to do without. Besides, I walk more naturally with a stick than without, my specialist yelled at me once for hobbling across a crowded room stiff-kneed instead of using my stick and being safer (we were at a medical convention). He said nothing at the time, just yelled at me next consult. Then referred me to a physiotherapist who told me the same stuff, only from professional expertise.

    So use a stick. It will give you a better sense of stability - remember, the most stable number of legs is 3. A tripod. Two legs is unstable, when we walk we move from one point of imbalance to another.

    As for the PT guy - whatever you believe his motives to be privately, give him the benefit of the doubt publicly. And answer all 'accusations' with a smile, and a finger pointing to your permit. Nothing more need be said, except maybe Star's reference to your doctor not wanting to lose his license for fraud.

    The PT guy MAY be genuinely concerned that someone is abusing a permit. Sadly, it happens far too often. I keep hearing stories about "Aunty May has a disabled permit, let's borrow it so we can get a good parking spot at the laser tag place." Or Aunty May is normally in the car, but not today. However, the driver still parks in a disabled spot because the permit is there so why not use it?

    Some people just don't know any better, and see a disabled permit in the family as a gold card to park where they want, regardless. The PT guy may think that is what is happening here, and just need to be reassured that it is not the case. No details needed just, "yes, I am the legitimate user of that permit. I do have a genuine need as assessed by my doctor."

    And that should be the end of it.

    Marg
     
  15. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    There was a couple of times I forced easy child to let me park in the disabled spot when I took her out shopping, she was NOT happy. But these were the first weeks after her accident and crutching even a few feet risked falls and such and heck that is usually where the darn ramp for the wheelchair is located anyway.

    She did not have a placard. I didn't care. One look at her would be obvious enough she needed it. Soon as her pain levels were down and she was more steady on the crutches we never used it again.

    It took me an eternity to get mother in law to ask her doctor for one.......he'd have given it to her years before he did, in fact when she did finally ask I found out he'd been trying to give her one for indeed years. omg That would've made her outings so much more pleasant and less painful.

    I have seen those who abuse them. Sit and wait for an employee to get off work at around mid-night and you'll see more than your fair share of them. Not saying some of them don't have a medical condition, but would be really hard to tell which came first as we're talking severely morbidly obese to the nth degree here......and these are girls in their early 20's, so I'm guessing it's likely more over eating related than medically related.

    But I try not to jump to conclusions that way. easy child is "morbidly" obese, mostly because she is so darn short, but it's due to her hypothyroidism. She's losing weight but it's ohhhhh sooooo slow. I get mad when like my mom makes snarky remarks about her weight. She's on the medications and she's doing the best she can. The fact that she's NOT gaining and IS losing is wonderful. ugh
     
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    An MD signed the form for you. That trumps the PT. He needs to hoover it up.
     
  17. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    On the ketoprofen suggestion, that's an NSAID.

    You said you only use it on bad mornings... give him the letter and if he says something more to you give him the hairy eyeball and declare that your condition is now daily and chronic, and if he wishes you to have a faster recovery after surgery he is more than welcome to give you lots of free PT to help your knee recover.
     
  18. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Ironically, I have a cane collection...my grandfather's, grandmother's, dad's and mom's and some others I picked up at yard sales that I liked. Let's just say, I have no shortage of canes! It seems so silly that I would need to accessorize in order to prove my disability, doesn't it? I mean, doesn't the tag say it simply enough? I guess not. Maybe I should put my mothers three pronged walker/cane back in my backseat in plain view! At times I feel like a cane would be good to have but most of the time not. Yesterday, after all this happened, i thought if i had a cane, maybe I could trip the little twerp when our paths cross! Lol! Can't hurt to carry one I suppose, even if I never take it out! Thanks for all the back up- it means so much.
     
  19. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    The celebrex helps during the day, but for pain I need something else, as the celebrex doesn't touch it. The tramadol does a little. I got the okay from my dr to double the dose at night, so I did last night-no pain! I can't remember the last time I slept without that nagging pain. Of course as soon as 5 am rolls around, it s back, but at least I had those 5 hours!
     
  20. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I have intermittent arthritis in both knees. I have no idea why. It will flare up for a while, then nothing for months (which makes me question the diagnosis). So... When it gets really bad, I call the doctor and have him call me in a scrip for... ketoprofen. That stuff is great, used sparingly.

    As for the cane - mother in law uses one. My Grandpa had a beautiful hand-carved one his brother gave him - it was a great help. When my knees bother me, I don't have a cane - I shuffle along - I would probably not use a cane if I had it - but I'd give my eyeteeth to simply have that cane. (If I had eyeteeth.)
     
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