I am SO freaking fed up!!!!!!

[mstang67chic]

A couple of weeks ago, I bought myself a new pair of sunglasses. Woo Hoo...I finally get myself something and they are ten dollar sunglasses. The previous pair, that I have kept for backup, are cheapo's too and almost coming apart. I also bought an oversized glasses case because the new sunglasses don't fit in regular ones. Last Friday I realized that I couldn't find the case that contained the new sunglasses. I have repeatedly looked for them and asked husband and difficult child if they had seen them. They always said no.

Fast forward to today. I ask difficult child again and he tells me that he had seen the case BEHIND the couch. How it got there I have no idea.....at least at the time. He looks and sure enough, there's the case but no sunglasses. Now I'm racking my brain trying to figure out where I could have left them.

As a side note of history....difficult child somehow lost a lense out of his good glasses and can't find his back up glasses.

This evening, husband and difficult child are at husband's softball practice. I'm gathering up difficult child's nasty, smelly clothes off the bathroom floor to fling them into his room. Guess what I found! One of the ear pieces from my new sunglasses and one ear piece from difficult child's back up glasses wired together with fishing line.

I'm so far beyond pi***ed, furious and angry. Yes, it was a pair of sunglasses...piddly stuff. But it's NINE YEARS of monthly, weekly, sometimes daily piddly stuff and not so piddly stuff. That all adds up and I can't take it anymore. I'm about | | <---- that far from pitching difficult child's nasty clothes into the front yard and locking the doors before they get home. I'm also that close to packing a bag and going to my mom's house until the little brat is out of this house. I am sick of my things being destroyed. I'm sick of telling him over and over and over to leave stuff alone if it's not his. I don't care if it's a paper clip on the floor....if it's not his, leave it alone. I'm sick of living my life in my OWN HOME and have to lock stuff up. I'm sick of trying to figure out what's safe to leave out because my bedroom is literally a stacked up, can't see the floor, possible fire hazard stye because there is so much **** crammed in there. But if I don any of the things I want to do (see above) I'm the freaking bad guy because it was just piddly stuff and why would I kick my own child out on the streets over a pair of sunglasses. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't and I HATE MY LIFE.

 

[JJJ]

Oh, mstang, I have been there. Last summer, Kanga had taken something of mine and broke it. When I yelled at her about it, husband said "it's just a $2 thing, what's the big deal." I walked out, went to the neighborhood park and hid in the tunnel slide.

Are you having him move out at 18? Can you go to your mom's for the weekend? It sounds like you need a break.

AND THEY WERE YOUR SUNGLASSESS!!!!!!

((((HUGS)))

 

[klmno]

It sounds like your day has gone about as well as mine has. I'm sorry and offer HUGS.

 

[Wiped Out]

I can totally relate today. I can totally understand the frustration with the sunglasses. I truly hope tomorrow is a better day. Gentle hugs.

 

[Marguerite]

This isn't about sunglasses. it's about disrespect.

I'd be having a serious talk about COMMUNICATION and DISRESPECT. You might need to calm down a long way first.

What he should have done - he should have come to you, or husband, and said, "What can I use to try to repair my old glasses?" And you could have said, "Here - you can have my old sunglasses, they were falling apart anyway, so any bits you want off them - they're yours."

What he should NOT have done, was assume that everything he touches belongs to him and can be cannibalised or damaged purely for his own experimentation. THIS is disrespect.

What he should do - he needs to buy you a new pair of sunglasses. At 17 there are a lot of jobs he could do to earn the money to go and buy the sunglasses. And just giving you the money for them is not enough - he has to go with you and watch while you find a pair like the ones he destroyed, and then pay for them.

However - if he can undo what he did, and put the arm back on your sunglasses as if there is NO DAMAGE AT ALL - then that is an alternative.

A sensible DIYer would have removed the screws and tried to re-attach the different arm with existing screws. Frankly, other sorts of glasses repairs are not effective long-term.

What he's done - impulsive, short-sighted, totally thoughtless.

So if you get angry with him, and ANYONE dares to say, "So what? It was only a stupid pair of $10 sunglasses," your response can be, "This is not about sunglasses, it's about disrespect, it's about learning to think first, to ask for support, to communicate - and to not just TAKE. NOW YOU MUST FIX IT."

Good luck with him. You have every right to be angry. And I agree with you - if he can't respect his housemates, he can't live under the same roof. It's time for a short, sharp lesson in learning to live with other people. And if he can't follow the rules with you (who are his family and who love him more than the rest of the world) then how on earth is he going to be able to get on with people who have no need to care about him?

That's one huge sense of entitlement he's got to lose, quick smart.

Marg

 

[mstang67chic]

Marg we have repeatedly been there done that. Repeatedly. It's one of his "things" if you will. We have talked to him about it, counselors have talked to him about it, all kinds of people have talked to him about it. Nothing works. Absolutely nothing. No talks, no punishments, no agreements, nothing works.

 

[Marguerite]

Then roll on, 18th birthday, and eviction. If you can't tell him, he will have to find out for himself the hard way - in the real world.

In the meantime - could you stand to live in Fort Knox with everything locked up?

My eldest sister went through this with her ratbag ex-husband. He would raid her kitchen utensils and take whatever he thought would do what He wanted, in his workshop or in his job. She would find her best breadboard used as a disposable surface to mix up putty, glue or tile grout. When challenged he would act all offended because "it was only a bit of wood" and then promise to get her a new one. He rarely did - and when he did, would often do the same thing again.

He took her best, sharpest kitchen knives ("because they were the sharpest, honey,") and took them out fishing. When the dinghy capsized coming back into the harbour over the bar, of course her best knife went to the bottom. And no, he never replaced it. "It's only a knife, for heaven's sake."
For her, as for you, it was about disrespect. And yes, that disrespect showed up in every other way also, in the way he treated her especially.

He did a good thing for her when he left, but it took her a long time to realise it. He had trained her to be a doormat and she missed being walked over.

But he also had to mend his ways - his next wife turned out to be a tartar, she ruled him firmly and he learned to behave. She's now dead, he's still a selfish git, but at least he's out of her home and her breadboards and kitchen knives are safe.

Marg

 

[meowbunny]

Ah, the male version of my daughter. What's mine is mine. What's yours is mine. What's lying around is mine. If it's there, it's MINE. I do not miss doing a daily search for my things. I love being able to put my purse on the barstool and know that it will be there in the morning with everything, including all money, exactly as it was the night before.

I agree with Marg, it is a total lack of respect. Like you, nothing I said or did ever really got the message across that some things were hers and some things were mine. I totally understand your wanting to have your things be sacrosanct and if that means one of you has to move to have that happen, so be it.

I have no advice for you, just my heartfelt sympathies.