i am so frustrated!!!!! yup venting......

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Sep 25, 2008.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi

    gotta vent this one out so i dont' go after entire school staff lol.

    get another call from her teacher, difficult child's teacher that is. great!! ms. let's go herbal. calls to say ok i'd really like to know what is going on with-difficult child and at home??? what the ****!! i say excuse me? well she didn't do her hw last night. i said yes you are correct, she did not bring home her folder with her rexo's so we weren't not able to do that portion of it yet we did do the spelling from spelling book.

    well, i don't know what's going on at home, or etc. but you can't return to bldg. to pick up her folder i don't want her to feel as though it's acceptable she does this. i said well to be quite honest on mond and wed i have 5 children, my boyfriend's kids as well. we get home going on 4 and difficult child has a new theatre group we enrolled her in so no i cannot come by bldg. once i go thru bk pk to get her folder!!!! she says well i don't get it here she does her work so quickly?? same teacher that two weeks ago said kids' anxiety was thru roof.

    then i said you know what there is nothing going on "at home" that doens't go on in normal household, and there is nothinig going on with her" dad". she then said well i'm not judging you, etc. i said listen i was here last year with her last teacher who was baffled as well and eventually got the piont of it all, took her 6 mos to do so i'd like to alleviate that time frame with us.

    i said this is why i am going forward with an iep at this piont, modifications need to be made.

    the info i get is so skewed and varied and changing all the time they make it look as if difficult child is manipulating me at home, we live in a dysfunctional place so it's my fault she is like this and i'm coddling her which i do not at all.

    so then she goes on to say well difficult child's missing alot of work because she cna't get in on time everyday. i said yes i know. she cannot sleep at night so she goes down by 1 a.m. wakes up covered in urine which i'm goign back to pulls ups now to alleviate, then it's shower, fight with her once again now to get her out door because guess what she doens't want to go to school again she's nervous about using bathroom at school so her stomach's upset entire day she thinks toilet bowl is going to overflow, she is nervous going in late even though she's created it, etc.

    now if i was about 300 lb. man or not even and could lift difficult child everdya out of house i'd do so. i have several slipped discs that she aggrivates almost daily trying to drag her to bed at night adn drag her out of bed in a.m.

    i'm just done i'm going to blow ti's coming and i can feel it.

    so here's my thought...........i want both teachers last year and this years new ms. herbal to meet with me. i want academic records i want notes i want the entire file i dont' care if it takes 3 hours to hash it through i want info all of it. i get varying info consistently and i'm getting totally disturbed by it. then they throw it on my lap oh it must be a problem at home!!! how dare they.

    what am i doing at this point wrong? in my eyes not a thing. i have outside interests in place, i'm searching for yet another therapist, i've quit job i ahve routine in place strict because tha'Tourette's Syndrome what she likes i sit every night do hw as long as it's here if it's not i call a friend to get it. she claims i should of called for rexo's are you crazy ok let me sit on phone for an hour having some kid read off tons of info from a rexo to write down to have difficult child do? no way!!!

    so am i off base here and just upset?????

    i know you guys will tell me if i am

    Thanks!!!!! p.s. i may have anger issues lol............ i'm reading to flip
     
  2. clingingtohope

    clingingtohope New Member

    Teachers just do not get it do they? Gah! I am frustrated and aggravated for you just reading that! (((HUGS)))
     
  3. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    I thing your idea to get the teachers from the past to attend this meaning is very good, I hope they can get her on the same page quickly, I do understand the frustration of having all the teachers understanding things by March, it would be great if they could understand as much by the end of September.

    As far as the homework goes, what if you suggested a homework club at school? I had terrible trouble with getting my difficult child to do homework but I kept at it because I wanted the teachers to know what a "good" parent I was. Finally, I snapped and told them I wanted no homework written into his IEP...they didn't like that at all, then I suggested they oversee it at school, again they wouldn't write it into the IEP, finally I told them I saw my responsiblity to provide a time and place to do his homework, have supplies and remind him, but I wouldn't do anything more, no more fights! ever since then, he completes most homework at school and it is alot less, although nothing is in writing. It has helped the home atmosphere alot.
     
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I think you had a great idea, too.

    On a side note, I was doing a little more research today on BiPolar (BP) issues and treatments and wondered- were you reading the "thorazine" off a prescription a dr hand-wrote out? Or did he actually say thorazine? I asked because I found this medication
    listed as sometimes being used for BiPolar (BP) and I was thinking, if I saw difficult child's psychiatrist's handwriting of this, I probably would think it said thorazine.
     
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    ok that's weird, i'm going to grab bottle right now, that was a good call!!!
     
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh- make sure when you meet with the teachers that you take them herbal tea- so they will all of a sudden be agreeable and sweet and there will be no anxiety or opposition from them!!
     
  7. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi

    ok no sheesh i wish you were right on that one lol. it's chlorpromazine 10mg. it was sold i us as thorazine. so yes that's it unfortunately. thanks though for taking the time to do that!!

    yes teacher needs to be put in her place, i'm soo not going to be under attack again this year, enough is enough already. i do all i can. it's not her place to suggest things, nor comment on a home life she knows nothing of. wow.

    i wonder what excuse she'd use for difficult child's behaviors over a year or so ago when it was me and my girls, or maybe when she was a baby, or pre k or kindergarten.

    everyone has the answers, people rarely are able to be supportive outside of here i mean because we bounce stuff off eachother because we've all been there. yet outside supportive comes with judgement....just the way it is guess
     
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member

    sorry "sold in u.s. as thorazine.
     
  9. Jena

    Jena New Member

    ok get this spent long time on phone this a.m. with head of Special Education for district she was great, informative etc. actually had business matter to discuss first over client i have i'm fighiting for guardianship the paralegal bus thing i do. anyhow she said listen the school should be referring the request to the Special Education committee to have difficult child classified and hold meeting to initiate determing whether iep or 504 is needed. school says no you send it. wow.

    so new school pyschdoc calls me and says well why should we send it over? i said and repeated everything that was told to me by head of dept herself. he then says well if we're going to do that we have to hold a meeting to determine what it is we are going to send. i dont' know if you'll be invited to that mtg. i said i am hereby requesting that any mtg. pertaining to difficult child that is held i am made privy of before hand and invited to attend with ample notice.

    i overall had to plant him graciously so as not to lose him and his support at end of day, so far he seems to tolerate me well.

    just wow left hand and right hand have no clue what is truly going on. he says well do you really think she needs an iep or a 504? i said well let's review the record......as of over a year ago since she has been in attendance at school there have been not one but 3 team meetings "immediate intervention" sessions held where i the teacher, the school pysch and pysch were present, and one with the principal, difficult child's behaviors have not ceased. she is still getting into bldg. late (due to not finding right medication; she cant sleep and does not want to attend school), i said she is missing desk work hence missing tests, why? due to her emotional issues and varying diagnosis, her anxiety level is so severe thru course of day she asks to go to nurse at least 20 times a day this year last year it peaked at 50 times a day for a while, she is not eating in school at all. why? due to anxiety disorder and level of paranoia, she does not make social contact with anyone other than one girl. she forgets her hw books almost on daily basis, why? due to her adhd diagnosis and anxiety disorder, there are inconsistencies in her academic performance and overall presentation in class........why? due to possible diagnosis of bi polar not otherwise specified which has also been handed to the school at this point.

    so i said yes i believe at this point i am within my legal rights very much so to forward such a referral to the Special Education committe to receive services for this child.....

    wow, what brainless people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sorry you're dealing with all these clueless people...who really should have a clue! I think of all the energy they're using to be difficult, and wonder how much more effective they would be in the classroom if they would turn that energy to the kids!
     
  11. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    How in the world are YOU suppose to get difficult child to bring the hw home? That is not your fault if she doesn't have it. We live 10 minutes from the school which is also our church which I have keys to get into so if my difficult child leaves something at school, I can always go get it. If we were in public school or a building I don't have access to, I wouldn't even try to get in.

    Put it back on the teacher to make sure difficult child brings the hw home. I think that many kids are given too big of responsibility to remember what to bring home. I would suggest that if there is hw, she be allowed to take an extra minute to put the book in her back pack when that subject is over not wait until the end of the day to try to figure out what to take home.

    "Ms herbal teacher, what is going on with difficult child and school? Why can you not teach her how to bring home hw? There is nothing I can do about it if she does not bring the work home - you are the last to see her before she leaves school - you can help her!"

    And why would something be going on at home if difficult child doesn't get her hw done? Hello! Kids don't like hw and the smart ones will try to get out of it by not taking it home - if you don't have it, you can't be made to do it! ' -Duh!
     
  12. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi,

    ok you had me laughing and i'm not in a laughing mood right now but that was funny. lol
    yes ms. herbal teacher is going to have her hands full now, i'm not doing sh*t anymore, she's missing hw oh well allow her time to as you said xtra time to pack up, i'm done after today. i'm ready to move after today actually. far away from here and them. they denied the iep, the stated i can proceed on my own but they do not support it. people i thought i could trust i can't, conversations i had suddenly never occured. i wonder why at almost 40 i am so niave even still. i always want to see the good i guess.
     
  13. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Jen, as I advised earlier, stay off the phone and put everything in writing. Writing a letter requesting an evlauation in accordance with IDEA starts a federal timeline under which the school district must comply.

    Assisting a child in collecting HW at the end of the day would generally need to be an accommodation under a 504 plan or an IEP (unless the teacher out of the goodness of her heart assists every child in her classroom).
     
  14. Jena

    Jena New Member

    ok thank you. i will i am no longer calling there at all. it'll be hard not knowing what's going on if shes in nurse etc. so bottom line is either she packs her bag herself and stuff gets home or it doesnt'. now can i be held liable for not returning to bldg as teacher suggested to find the janitor to let me in?? their looking at me now the sons of.........
     
  15. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Better yet, document in a HW log every time she forgets her materials, under what circumstances she melts down over HW, how late she falls asleep, what time she wakes up, what time she gets to school, etc. That is the sort of documentation you need to get an IEP.
     
  16. Jena

    Jena New Member

    thanks. so much. were you on the other thread about school backing off of it and looking at me now?? i can't remember i'm sorry. so i will begin tomorrow i log difficult child's stuff yet not h.w. and meltdowns but i will.

    can i get in trouble or be looked down upon if i dont go back to bldg to see if i can get them to open it to get her missing stuff? what about if i can't get her in on time taht worries me she's almost impossible to wake up in a.m. especially if she didn't fall asleep nite before then there's the shower due to pee then fighting to get her out door shes' almost ten weighs 100 lbs. i can't lift her.
     
  17. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    No, you cannot get in trouble for not going back to the school to retrieve forgotten HW. In the HW log I just presented to our IEP team this week, I noted several times when M had a meltdown (and I noted how long) because she had forgotten her HW at school. I also noted any time she was too tired to complete HW, and it was time for bed. Or when she had already spent 90 minutes, and enough was enough.

    Our advocate advised for us to not interfere too miuch in the HW process, but rather to let the natural consequences of my daughter's behavior take over (HW undone, poor grades, etc). It is one way to prove the impact of a disorder on the child's ability to access her education.
     
  18. Jena

    Jena New Member

    good point. i was flipping out tonight because i couldn't get her to focus to do it before the theatre group thing, then we returned at 6:30 it was like pulling teeth to get it completed i actually gave her two answers. so should i inform teacher in letter always going to be letter that if difficult child forgets hw i will not be returning to school to get it for her, or passing a certain time frame with hw like two hours of fighting to get it done? or should i do as you said say nothing and let the consequences fall where they may? this teacher although very goood seems to have a god complex to her. each year is a new nightmare. she seems to think with her intensive training of teaching for 14 years she can change difficult child into what she'd like. so yes past 7 days she's stopped her from going to nurse, etc. and is saying look less nurse visits i'm winning i'm redirecting its' not a problem, then she says well i got her to take a bite out of her granola bar today yea me, the kid doens't eat all day long at all. lunch box is always filled to top with food i packed she even helps me so that maybe she'll pick things she'll eat. why is it so hard for us to get the assistance we need for our kids? why is the system set up this way? it's ridiculous don't you think?
     
  19. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    Upfront I have to admit I have probably not read all your posts. BUT....
    well, my experience with my 2 kids and our school----I can warn you, there ARE some schools that might KNOW what NEEDS to be done, but for a variety of reasons (usually financial reasons) they simply are not going to be cooperative and forthright about DOING what needs to be done.

    And I need to chime in with my own opinion, - no teacher should be saying to you to not give the medications yur childs dr has Rx'ed- not EVER, not even to tell you to go herbal route, and no teacher should ever tell you TO medicate your child. They might be a teacher and have some education, and they might have experience with children but-- they are being paid in the capacity of teaching your child academics. You are paying someone else to be your medical care and advice givers. And there is a possibility your childs teachers have their own personal reasons and judgements about anything goin on with your child. And they also mght have their own personal biases and opinions, not necessarily based on facts re childhood disorders and treatment. It has not been all that many years since "back in the old days" when children were thought not to possibly be able to be mentally ill - and could not be diagnosis'ed until some magical older age, say 16? And many "professionals" were just so positive any child with any seeming mental illness symptoms was the product of crummy parenting. Or a disruptive or chaotic home life.

    Since it does appear from your posts that your specific school personnel are not sounding very cooperative, you are going to HAVE to go by "the book" to the letter. There are very very specific ways to start the process to begin the journey to get your child an IEP. Your are going to have to learn these steps you must take to start the process and follow these steps to the letter. Perfectly- or, your childs school might wiggle out of doing what they should do. I am sad to say you are most likely going to have to hold your childs school to the grindstone- I mean doing every single legal step properly----haveing all your documentation in order- to support your childs needs from the school. It is not going to be easy or simple, it is not going to be fun and even if you DO follow every rule perfectly, the school sounds like they are STILL going to try to pretend they "got confused" "did not understand" "forgot" "misinterpreted" No, not every school behaves this way, but, some do.
    You absolutely have to STOP talking to them, telling them things, becuz if they are less than cooperative minded- they can and will twist everything you say in a way to support the negative opinion of you and the situation to their benefit. They will take things out of context, they will misconstrue what you say. And the more you talk to any of them, the more info you give them to twist and use as ammunition against you and your child. They will turn around little things that you say.....
    If they are especially malicious, they could possibly then begin to call CPS with twisted tales meant to make you look bad. This muddies the waters, makes things even more complicated and strange and takes focus off what your childs real and true educational needs are. You will lose precious time this way. Meanwhile if school is turning into a negative experience for your child, and this all continues to get worse, your child could end up being traumatized by the situation, which will make everything else just that much more difficult. A child with school induced PTSD or school phobia is even more difficult to handle and work with.

    So, number 1, you must STOP talking or emailing or casually writing with anyone at all from school. You must make absoultely certain that NOTHING can be misconstrued or misread or misunderstood or taken some other way than the way YOU meant.
    number 2, it is vital you educate yourself on the precise legal processs for requesting an IEP meeting. At this site is another forum for Special Education-----go there and read things posted there, post there and ask questions of sheila and martie. Your school district should have a handbook for the rights of a parent of a child with disabilities or ? something like that, and you need to get a copy of that and read it.
    There is another website- wrightslaw or something, they also talk about IEPs etc. go there.
    there are very specific laws about this and lots of specific rules. You will not get anywhere unless you follow the legal procedure to get your child true help.
    It should not be this complicated and difficult, but..some school districts do make the whole thing difficult. (I could tell you such horror stories you would have nitemares for months and go running screaming)
    Get your professionals on board with you- the doctors etc. Get them to help you, tell them the school is behaveing how they are, ask them for specific thigns to request - ask them for recommendations etc and ask them to help you get your child an IEP.

    That all said? Getting an IEP is sometimes the EASY part in an uncooperative district. Once you HAVE an IEP- some schools play mind games about implementing the IEP and complying with it. Yes, thats illegal......thats a whole nother story. But until you GET an IEP noone can follow one.

    I am afraid you have a lot of research to do.
    (learning how to get an IEP) and then learning how to get them to comply with an IEP...and also educating the school on your childs specific disabilities.

    Good luck to you, I am sure you are going to need a lot of luck......and you will have a lot of work to do. I'm sorry. I hate how we have our hands full with our poor ill childrens needs and then have to also take on such monumentalsks as getting them the help they need. It is SO unfair. so very wrong. It just stinks.
     
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