I am so glad you are all here.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by BeachPeace, Jun 1, 2011.

  1. BeachPeace

    BeachPeace Guest

    I have not posted in a while, as life ebbs and flows - things seemed to really improve for a while.
    School is out here and Blue is having a hard time transitioning to summer - he starts 1/2 day summer school in 2 weeks.
    Today was the first time he has been violent in a long time. It was a pretty bad tantrum over a snack that ended up with me getting a good kick in the shoulder. My shoulder hurts pretty bad and my heart hurts worse.
    He cried all afternoon saying "don't leave me" and "I'm sorry so sorry" - he felt so bad for losing it.
    I am at such a loss ...in shock... I feel angry and hurt and am questioning myself as to what I could have done or should have done differently.
    I am in pain and I don't even want to think about having to explain to my doctor that my 8 year old injured my shoulder.

    I was feeling very low and remembered this group. I came back and here you are...people who live lives like me with children like mine and somehow I don't feel so alone.
  2. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry this happened and you are feeling low about it, all too understandably. What do you "do" when your son crosses the violence boundary? Is there some kind of consequence, do you discuss it afterwards? I guess the important thing is to make it clear that it is not acceptable. Not that I am any great example... my son, who is 4, is occasionally violent towards me in a mild and "token" sort of way and I don't do anything but scold him and then talk about it. Punishment just doesn't work with him. Your son clearly felt real regret and remorse which is very positive. An obvious question, but have his medications changed in any way since the summer holiday began? I expect others will have more advice.
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Beach!

    My son used to have a couple-week summer adjustment when he was your son's age. To go from high structured for 6 hours to no school was a bit of a challenge. So, I don't think you are alone in that.

    I'm sorry to hear he resorted to violence towards you. I say it's a positive that it's been some time since he been violent. You live with your son day in, day out - we don't. Do you believe this is an isolated incident or have you noticed any other signs that point to an escalation in behavior issues? Sometimes as our children grow those medications need to be tweaked.

    I understand that as much as your should hurts, your heart hurts more. There is great pain in mothering a difficult child (and there can often be great joy as well). Hugs for your mommy heart.

  4. I hope you're not still angry at your son. He probably really is doing the best he can. I was a difficult child and I remember when my mom would get mad at me and not talk to me for what seemed like forever. When you have essentially no space between stimulus and response, you can't very well control yourself ... leading to great remorse. I expect that as my son gets older, he'll develop a little more space there and be able to make some better choices or be able to walk away. Hang in there, lady, and remember -- he didn't choose to be this way.
  5. BeachPeace

    BeachPeace Guest

    Thank you all for your kind words and insight.
    I am feeling better this morning.....I think littledudesmom hit the nail on the head with the structure/summer days thing. No recent medication changes - he has been pretty stable as far as that goes.
    Anger....I reread my post that I wrote in tears last night. I am surprised that I wrote that I was angry....I was not really angry at Blue. More of at myself. Or maybe his bio mom for the drugs and alcohol that caused his brain damage. or God. or the Universe.
    Very insightful to me in the calm of today....I obviously need to think about that.
    This is why I need to keep touch here.. to keep my mind open and remember to continually assess and reassess behavior for escalation. To remember that our job to guide our children and love them can be so very hard. To have people who understand and can offer advice.
    and to remember that we are not alone out here.....
  6. Hugs and prayers for you, lady. Hang in there!