I am so mad I can SCREAM!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lovelyboy, Sep 28, 2012.

  1. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    So yesterday my little dudes teacher tells me AGAIN....my son had a bad day...He was sent to the principals office because he was teasing other kids and threw the one boys hat into the plants! For crying out loud....he is only 4 yrs old!
    Anyway....she told me she told him that if he doesnt stop bothering the other kids after they said stop, he is being a bully! My son was in tears 3 times yesterday, saying he is not a bully and he has no friends, exct. It felt to me that she is using him as an example for how not to behave! So this morning he was tearfull, not wanting to go to school....begging me. I went to speak to the principal, myself being in tears, because my son is having such a hard time in school with all his SI problems and auditory issues!
    So Principal tells me she thinks his current school is to big and overwhelming for him to cope! That he is having a hard time finctioning in class! She then said she is willing to move him to gr 000 now because he is going to repeat gr 00 anyway next year....She said she will also be ok with the idea to get a facilitator to help him in class....
    So I phoned, searched, stressed alot this whole day....Trying to find a place who provides this kind of assistance.
    A wonderfull young girl who is busy studying psychology phoned me and said she has 3 yrs experience in assisting young kids at an autism school....I was so happy, because in our country there is no such thing as Special Education or assistance in schools!
    There is a remedial school in our town, but it will take 1 hour drive in morning and afternoon to go to and fetch my son everyday...and its impossible with my difficult child being in another school.
    We are willing to pay R8000 each month for my sons school and facilitator!!!!
    When I went to fetch my son, his teacher says, no, she doesnt think this is a good idea, that it will only make him dependent and cause more harm than good....Also not to move him to gr 000, to much of an adjustment, with only 3 months school left this yr!!!!!She was so upset with me, because I send her a tough email asking her to try and go gently on my son and telling her that if he could be better, he would.....
    She keeps on giving me negative feedback...but EVERY step I take to try and make things better, she blocks!!!!! Giving no other alternative!!!!!!
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending you a caring hug. I am assuming there is not another teacher available for him who might be more flexible. DDD
  3. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Are you required to have him attend school? If not, I would pull him out and have that nice girl work with him at home, maybe take him to the park and help him make friends.
  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I don't know how it works there but here in the US, what the principal says goes. They are the boss. Sorry this teacher is being a PITA.
  5. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    ditto!! Ditto!!!
  6. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    IEPs trump the principal in the States. I have no idea how it works in South Africa.
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I am hating people right now so probably not good to respond but I just wanna smack her! Do you have a copy of Lost In School to give her? I wonder if she would even read it. uggg.

    She is not a special educator and does not have research data or a degree to support what she told you. You do what you know is right for your child. I'm so sorry.
  8. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    Thanx all!
    I asked principal if I could take him out and return next year! Just cant stand my child being so sad!
    She said no, its not good idea, because it will give him the idea that he can just give up when things doesnt go his way! He needs to learn the consequences of his behaviour!
    I am so mad, it feels as if I want to vomit!
    I told teacher my oldest son told his brother if he by accident hurt some one to say sorry and put his hands in his pockets or behind his back:).... She says this is absolutely wrong....its not a militiry camp! OMW....The other day she send my son out of the class because he couldnt stop screaming for a cookie...he was hungry! She said he had to learn the rules!!!!
    So I told her my oldest son told his little brother this is the way THIS school tought them! (she most propably thought...stupid idea coming from Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kid!!!)
    So I asked her so what is her idea of helping my little son keep his hands to himself.....Wait, wait, wait for the answer....He needs to learn to use kind words!!!!!! Tell this to a child with a 2 yr speech delay!!!!!!
    This facilitator doesnt have any degree or Special Education degree....she is a psychology student doing volintary work at a Special Education school for autistic kids for 3 yrs....She sounds so loving and caring......Cry, sob, cry, sob!!!!
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    The facilitator sounds great and the whole he is choosing to do this and taking him out will teach him to act out to get out of school....I doubt it. I think Ktllc had a similar issue and she is probably a good one to relate to that. Why not use this girl who wants to be a facilitator to just do some early childhood activities with him like going to play spots or gymnastics or other activities where he can work on some social skills and maybe even at your house do some preschool academic types of things.....play with blocks, identify his name in letters etc... those kinds of things. ...because if they are saying he has to repeat that level anyway it may be that this is just not a good match and may do more harm than good to stay...., by the way--repeating grades doesn't happen much here if a child is identified as disabled since retention is not shown to help develop skills in and of itself. Now, there are times when it makes sense and we did it when we switched districts because from one place to the next had totally different philosophies, and certainly in preschool/kindergarten it is not quite as big a deal in my humble opinion...just odd that they use that as their only go to intervention for you, pretty sad. anyway, it seems like in your case if they are just going to have him repeat the same old stuff with no intervention, you may want a different school. Maybe I am just assuming that but I wish you had more options, I'm so sorry.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Considering he is only four, I would not worry about whether he's going to fall behind in school or learn that misbehaving will get his way. I see their point, but as you pointed out, he has a 2 yr speech delay and other delays.
    I would give yourself the weekend to calm down. Then call on Monday and set up a mtng with-the principal and the teacher, together.
    I would also have the nice psychiatric student on hand at home no matter which way you go. You don't want to lose her!
    I hope you can have a calm weekend.
  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    (((hugs))) I know this is so difficult.
  12. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Any way you can "volunteer" at the school everyday? Or take him out even if the principal and teacher object to it? Does he have to go to that school next year? Will he have the same teacher or a different teacher?
  13. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Unless it is against the law, I would seriously considering withdrawing him. That school can do more harm than good.
  14. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    Liahona....I even said I will volenteer at my sosn class......I am a quilified occupational therapist....They said NO, because the other kids wont understand why little dude mom can come with and not the other moms! When they have computer training....my little boy is taken out of class to stay with other teacher because he cries he doesnt want to attend...he forget his place in the computer room exct. When they have birthdayrings he is "disruptive" because he cant understand that he can only get the cupcake after the singing exct! So he is excluded from the birthday rings.....When he goes to the bathroom he gets into trouble because he is trying " to be silly"!
    According to law I can take him out....he only needs to attend from next yr.....But he needs to repeat next yr because he is not on a gr 0 level yet....
    The problem is that we had to pay a huge amount of money to secure a place in this school.....If we take him out he looses the place....The waiting list is 2 yrs to get in....And there isnt much other options....actually none! Problem being that we bought our house very close to this school and it wont make a difference to put him in a goverment school close by because there will only be more chaos and noice and no therapists.....
    Hopefully he will be in another teachers class next yr....depending on his entrance level, that depends on his ibbilities....
    This remedial school I spoke about does team assessments with a psychologist, Occupational Therapist (OT), ST and remedial teacher over 2 day period....Then they compile a file and give feedback to the parents and make suggestions to possible placements....I am considering to maybe take him for the assessment and get an objective outsiders opinion? But we will have to pay for each report privately and cash....
  15. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    If you can swing the cash... I'd be tempted to go for the assessments.

    While no one assessment gave us everything we needed, we've been fortunate in that we haven't had an assessment that didn't give us something to build on.
  16. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    I thought it might be a bit early to reassess....his ST and Occupational Therapist (OT) was done beginning of this yr......But maybe in the light of whats coming, it might be worth while....To be honest...I am to afraid! I am SO WORRIED they will diagnose Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)!!!!! This is such a loving little darling!
    Dont know if I must inform school about it....feels as if I must just do it without them knowing, because if they hear of any diagnosis it might give them more reason to label him! But the sad part is, if I read between the lines....they are all thinking of possible Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) anyway!
  17. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    Something else I am thinking about......The psychiatrist who I took him to earlier this yr wanted to put him on Risperdal....We didnt feel comfortable doing it.....Maybe we must try the medications first? Maybe this will help my little one cope in his current school?
  18. darleenebony

    darleenebony New Member

    Removed by moderator due to being an unsupportive and insulting comment.
    Lasted edited by : Sep 29, 2012
  19. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    I can't tell you what to do, specially when the options are so limited in your area (maybe South africa in general).
    V was in cyz preschool for a year and half. It was a disaster! I had numerous meetings and convrsations with the teacher, the Special Education. consultant, etc... Nothing ever changed and I felt I was talking to a wall.
    V's behaviour was much different than your little guy's. The teachers kept on saying all was fine, but V's anxiety was up the roof. He would scream when I'd drop him off, would scream every time anyone would say "bye" in general, would scream and cry at night, etc...
    The school was not going to change and finally one day I had enough: I took him out and thought that he would just stay with me. This school was destroying my son.
    Working from home, it was Occupational Therapist (OT) exactly an easy solution to keep him home.
    I started talking about school again with him, we looked at Sweet Pea's daycare (which he attended as a toddler but is supposed to be 4 stars vs. 5 stars for the xyz preschool). Very slowly, his anxiety went down, he was open to the idea of going to school again, etc...
    Short story fast: the day care was suppoed to be less qualified, more chaotic because of the open classrooms context, the teachers going from one class to the other, the freedom to drop and pick your child whenever you want, etc.
    It ended up being the better solution. Why? Because they were so loving, non judgmental, flexible in their ways and NEVER went against what I said or suggested.
    My suggestion: don't assume the public school will be worst. Maybe try to investigate.
    The other option: can he attend 1/2 day? Maybe a whole day is just too much for now.
    Another point: if the school is a completely wrong match, forcing it because you live close by will probably not work. Sometimes, the best is the worse for some kids.
    But I do hear your HUGE dilemma since your big boy strives in this school.
    Would moving between the 2 schools be an option? (1/2 an hour each way). Is there school buses or taxi services? (instead of paying an expensive private school).
    Try to imagine all the options possible, even the craziest ones. Don't dismiss anything for now. Once you have your list, explore them all.
  20. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Either he has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) or he doesn't. Getting the diagnosis will not give him the disorder, it will help you treat him. My son Tigger is a loving little darling and he has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD).

    I wish I knew more about Special Education in South Africa. I'm sorry that I don't know enough to help you. In the States, he would have all sorts of legal protections that would kick in once he was diagnosis and then he could get services at his level of need.