I am so mentally exhausted from him!

[familyof5]

My son age 16 has always been my "difficult" blessing. He is wearing me down mentally and I'm just disgusted by it. He is refusing to go to school. We took Facebook away from him and he snuck back on it. We actually took the whole internet away from him and he snuck back on that too. I feel like I can't ever let my guard down and sometimes feel like a prisoner in my own house. Why do I have a son like this? Everytime I try to talk to him I get back talk or he acts like he's in a little world of his own and he's too good for every one else. Sometimes he'll try to act cute and the truth is I don't want to make small talk with him or think he's funny when he's acting up. What I want to do is cry! Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

 

[JJJ]

Have you looked into any sort of intensive summer program for him? maybe a wilderness one?

 

[familyof5]

No, I don't think we have anything like that around here. My neighbor suggested I send him to these classes sort of like g.e.d. classes but he'd work at his own pace so at least he can finish high school. The truth is I don't want him home all the time if he's going to be difficult.

 

[susiestar]

Why not make him go get a JOB? He is old enough. Then you can make him pay for all his own stuff other than thriftstore clothes, a bed and pillow and blanket, and basic food and the roof over his head. Want to watch tv? Two bucks an hour. Want to go online? Ten bucks an hour. Want to use the phone? Buck a call (I don't make change) or get a pay as you go and pay for it yourself.

I am not joking. Charge him enough for regular stuff that isn't a necessity and he won't have TIME to do anything but work. If you feel REALLY mean, talk to someone at the YMCA and get him lined up for a job as a day camp counsellor!!! That will keep him busy and let him experience dealing with kids who act up and act all cute when they are in trouble.

Has he been evaluated for any learning disabilities or mental illness or emotional disturbances? If there are any they can contribute to his behavior. I recommend a full exam by a neuropsychologist.

Pick up a copy of The Explosive child at the library or bookstore. Those methods help with almost all kids (and husband's - lol). I also recommend parenting teens with love and logic - you can learn more about it at www.loveandlogic.com .

 

[JJJ]

This site has a list of programs www.strugglingteens.com I haven't used any of them but this may help you get started.

 

[familyof5]

I thank everyone who has responded to my post. He is refusing school again. I feel like crying.

 

[TerryJ2]

I hear you. been there done that. The only thing that works for us is a combination of all of our efforts--teachers, tutors, parents--who all say exactly the same thing all the time, which is that if difficult child misses too much school, he gets kicked out, plus a reward system such as a special treat in the a.m. or a promise of something in the afternoon.
We have locks on all of our doors and I carry the keys in my pocket in the day, and sleep with-the keys at night. We also remove the keyboards and mice if there is any danger that difficult child may have a duplicate key or a screwdriver. Do you have locks on the doors?

Also, does your difficult child drive? Does he want to? That could be a powerful carrot-and-stick approach.

 

[BusynMember]

If he's sixteen and won't go to school, then I'd cut off his money. Completely. I'd buy him food, sturdy clothing, his medical care, but nothing to have fun with. That's what we did to our daughter and she got a job FAST because she couldn't go anywhere or do anything without one. Oh, yes. We wouldn't pay for her car insurance and, since there are cell phones now, I'd make him pay for that too. If he's old enough to drop out of school, he's old enough to support his fun by getting a full time job. I don't really think any sort of reward system will help with a teen that age, although I'm sure he'll gladly take the reward probably going right back to his behavior after it's over...or tricking you to think he is complying when he's not. Is he taking drugs?

I have to warn you that there is really no way to stop a sixteen year old from having a Facebook or going on the internet. They can always do that at friend's houses or at the library. Sixteen was a tough age to reign in my daughter who, at the time, was doing many drugs and getting arrested. He is getting to the age when you are going to lose control. However, in my opinion, you don't need to enable this bad behavior by giving him any extras.

Good luck. I have soooooooooooo been there/done that. An almost adult is a lot harder to parent than a younger child. They find ways to do what they want to do and often we count the days to eighteen.