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Substance Abuse
I am so scared :(
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 631336" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Oh lost mom your story is so so similar to mine!! Only I am ahead of you in the process. I too work with law enforcement and have run into several people I know when I have been to court with my son... it is embarrassing BUT my tactic at this point is to be very open with people about the situation. Not everyone can do this but it tends to be my style anyways. I live in a small town and so people hear stuff anyways so I just hold my head up high and tell it like it is. I dont make excuses for him at all. What I have found in general (with some exceptions) is that many many people have someone in their family with substance abuse problems. It is a very common problem and so when you are open, other people open up to you. I have actually gotten a lot of support that way. Now I get you may not be ready to do that, and that is ok too. But in either case no matter what people say or gossip, hold your head high. This is not your fault, as they say in alanon, you didnt cause it, you cant control it and you cant cure it.</p><p></p><p>As far as going to court do what feels right for you! If you dont want to be there then dont go. If you do want to be there then go. It is really hard to see your kid put in handcuffs and taken off to jail and yet you might want to get a look at him (and his attitude). It really is up to you, there is no right or wrong answer.</p><p></p><p>I dont know how things are in your state but here if he is detained they are held in the jail section, which is where they hold people waiting for trial or are detained for some reason. They are not with the guys who are actually doing time. He probably will be able to call you from jail (collect of course) and the calling is a racket. There are things in place where you can put money into an account for calls. Also the jail probably has a canteen account where you can put money in for certain types of things... here you cant send them or give them anything.... so to get a radio, a pair of sweat pants or snacks is all done through the canteen.</p><p></p><p>As awful as it is to have a kid in jail, for my son it always has really put things in perspective and after time in jail he does better at least for a while. He hates being in jail and a stint in jail motivates him to do what he can to stay out of jail. So landing in jail for a period of time can actually do some good.... as long as it is not too long a time. I bet a little bit of time in jail will give your son a different perspective on rehab and he might be more willing to do what he needs to do.</p><p></p><p>You might ask his lawyer if they have drug court in your area.... although remember his lawyer is working for him and is going to get him the best deal he can get him and what your son wants... he wont necessarily do what you think is best for your son.</p><p></p><p>I think I have answered most of your questions but feel free to ask any more. And I hope you like the alanon meeting.... I know the meeting we go to, you dont have to talk and the focus is really supposed to be on how to take care of yourself, not about your son.</p><p></p><p>TL</p><p></p><p></p><p>Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 631336, member: 15801"] Oh lost mom your story is so so similar to mine!! Only I am ahead of you in the process. I too work with law enforcement and have run into several people I know when I have been to court with my son... it is embarrassing BUT my tactic at this point is to be very open with people about the situation. Not everyone can do this but it tends to be my style anyways. I live in a small town and so people hear stuff anyways so I just hold my head up high and tell it like it is. I dont make excuses for him at all. What I have found in general (with some exceptions) is that many many people have someone in their family with substance abuse problems. It is a very common problem and so when you are open, other people open up to you. I have actually gotten a lot of support that way. Now I get you may not be ready to do that, and that is ok too. But in either case no matter what people say or gossip, hold your head high. This is not your fault, as they say in alanon, you didnt cause it, you cant control it and you cant cure it. As far as going to court do what feels right for you! If you dont want to be there then dont go. If you do want to be there then go. It is really hard to see your kid put in handcuffs and taken off to jail and yet you might want to get a look at him (and his attitude). It really is up to you, there is no right or wrong answer. I dont know how things are in your state but here if he is detained they are held in the jail section, which is where they hold people waiting for trial or are detained for some reason. They are not with the guys who are actually doing time. He probably will be able to call you from jail (collect of course) and the calling is a racket. There are things in place where you can put money into an account for calls. Also the jail probably has a canteen account where you can put money in for certain types of things... here you cant send them or give them anything.... so to get a radio, a pair of sweat pants or snacks is all done through the canteen. As awful as it is to have a kid in jail, for my son it always has really put things in perspective and after time in jail he does better at least for a while. He hates being in jail and a stint in jail motivates him to do what he can to stay out of jail. So landing in jail for a period of time can actually do some good.... as long as it is not too long a time. I bet a little bit of time in jail will give your son a different perspective on rehab and he might be more willing to do what he needs to do. You might ask his lawyer if they have drug court in your area.... although remember his lawyer is working for him and is going to get him the best deal he can get him and what your son wants... he wont necessarily do what you think is best for your son. I think I have answered most of your questions but feel free to ask any more. And I hope you like the alanon meeting.... I know the meeting we go to, you dont have to talk and the focus is really supposed to be on how to take care of yourself, not about your son. TL Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app [/QUOTE]
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