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Substance Abuse
I am so scared :(
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 631369" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Good Morning, LostMom...I hope you got some decent sleep last night. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is absolutely normal. Today, you are right where you need to be in your thinking and feeling about your son. There is no way to hurry your own recovery. There is only the chance----every single day----to work on yourself. If you start devoting time to working on yourself every day---30 minutes or an hour---schedule it into your day, you will start to get relief. Over time, you will find that you are changing---your thoughts, your feelings, your behavior---both short-term and long-term---will change. </p><p></p><p>RE talks about changing our neural pathways in our brains. That is what we have to do, and repeating consistently new ways of thinking and acting will help us do that, over time. Keep in mind, that your feelings may lag way, way behind as you change.</p><p></p><p>But another thing you will hear in Al-Anon is that feelings aren't facts. Wow, that was a huge, huge new thought for me, and at first I dismissed it, or I sped past it. This idea---that feelings aren't facts----is worth sitting and pondering. What does this mean? What do I do with this new idea? What do I do with the feelings I do have? On and on. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>When you are in mortal pain, you won't feel like going to meetings or really working a program at all. It's all you can do to raise your head up and go to work and clean up the kitchen. But LostMom, that is exactly when you need to go. Just stop what you are doing, walk out the door to the meeting, again and again, and believe me, you will be much better able to do the other things you need to do in your life, once you start going regularly. It's like exercising. Who really LIKES it? Its' hard. But we do it because we know it is good for us. Same with Al-Anon. Just do it, LostMom. Just do it. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I agree with MWM here. You don't need any advice. From anybody. What you need is a pathway to work on yourself, and tools for that journey. </p><p></p><p>You can't do one single thing to change your son's behavior and actions. That is a hard truth to grasp and you can't grasp it quickly and really start to integrate it into your life. It will take time. Why? Because right now, DOING SOMETHING is all you know to do. You have to quiet the crazy hamster-on-the-wheel that is inside your brain. So you DO SOMETHING in order to quiet it.</p><p></p><p>That is a survival action because right now you are in survival mode. </p><p></p><p>Over time, with tools and working your own program of recovery (recovery from enabling, fixing, managing and controlling other people, just like he will have to work a program of recovery from drugs and alcohol, if he decides to stop) the hamster will run less and less. You will feel more and more peace and purpose and serenity and contentment and joy and you will be able to sit in silence, and be quiet, and do thing and say nothing, more and more. Not perfectly. But that's okay. You will start to feel compassion---not pity---but compassion for the person you are and are trying to be, and failing often---and then, you will start to feel more compassion for your son and the other people in your life and then more and more for all other people. </p><p></p><p>will life be perfect? No. Will it be a lot better? Yes. </p><p></p><p>Go to Al-Anon. Go every single day if you can. You don't have to say a word. For a long time, I just cried through all of my first meetings. That's perfectly okay. Buy one or two Al-Anon books. Take them home and start to read them. Write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Buy some flowers for your kitchen table. There---that's at least 30 minutes or an hour every day of new behavior. </p><p></p><p>Leading to new neural pathways. Leading to more peace. Regardless.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 631369, member: 17542"] Good Morning, LostMom...I hope you got some decent sleep last night. This is absolutely normal. Today, you are right where you need to be in your thinking and feeling about your son. There is no way to hurry your own recovery. There is only the chance----every single day----to work on yourself. If you start devoting time to working on yourself every day---30 minutes or an hour---schedule it into your day, you will start to get relief. Over time, you will find that you are changing---your thoughts, your feelings, your behavior---both short-term and long-term---will change. RE talks about changing our neural pathways in our brains. That is what we have to do, and repeating consistently new ways of thinking and acting will help us do that, over time. Keep in mind, that your feelings may lag way, way behind as you change. But another thing you will hear in Al-Anon is that feelings aren't facts. Wow, that was a huge, huge new thought for me, and at first I dismissed it, or I sped past it. This idea---that feelings aren't facts----is worth sitting and pondering. What does this mean? What do I do with this new idea? What do I do with the feelings I do have? On and on. When you are in mortal pain, you won't feel like going to meetings or really working a program at all. It's all you can do to raise your head up and go to work and clean up the kitchen. But LostMom, that is exactly when you need to go. Just stop what you are doing, walk out the door to the meeting, again and again, and believe me, you will be much better able to do the other things you need to do in your life, once you start going regularly. It's like exercising. Who really LIKES it? Its' hard. But we do it because we know it is good for us. Same with Al-Anon. Just do it, LostMom. Just do it. I agree with MWM here. You don't need any advice. From anybody. What you need is a pathway to work on yourself, and tools for that journey. You can't do one single thing to change your son's behavior and actions. That is a hard truth to grasp and you can't grasp it quickly and really start to integrate it into your life. It will take time. Why? Because right now, DOING SOMETHING is all you know to do. You have to quiet the crazy hamster-on-the-wheel that is inside your brain. So you DO SOMETHING in order to quiet it. That is a survival action because right now you are in survival mode. Over time, with tools and working your own program of recovery (recovery from enabling, fixing, managing and controlling other people, just like he will have to work a program of recovery from drugs and alcohol, if he decides to stop) the hamster will run less and less. You will feel more and more peace and purpose and serenity and contentment and joy and you will be able to sit in silence, and be quiet, and do thing and say nothing, more and more. Not perfectly. But that's okay. You will start to feel compassion---not pity---but compassion for the person you are and are trying to be, and failing often---and then, you will start to feel more compassion for your son and the other people in your life and then more and more for all other people. will life be perfect? No. Will it be a lot better? Yes. Go to Al-Anon. Go every single day if you can. You don't have to say a word. For a long time, I just cried through all of my first meetings. That's perfectly okay. Buy one or two Al-Anon books. Take them home and start to read them. Write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Buy some flowers for your kitchen table. There---that's at least 30 minutes or an hour every day of new behavior. Leading to new neural pathways. Leading to more peace. Regardless. [/QUOTE]
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