I am so worried about my nephew - prayers please

[hearts and roses]

My nephew will be turning 28 tomorrow. He's my Godson and I've posted about his being a difficult child before, his opiate addiction, alcoholism, etc.

So, I heard part of the story New year's eve - apparently my sister and H (the brother in law I work for) caught him in a string of lies and discovered that he's using again and this time he's hit bottom (or what they perceive to be his bottom).

We've been very close and he's confided in me a lot of things over the years, most recently his struggle with his addiction.

Anyway, my nephew is hanging on by a thread and he said some things to me. For instance, he told me he's taking tomorrow off from work (he works with me and brother in law), so I asked him what he's doing on his day off for his birthday and he said: "I don't want any gifts. In fact, I'm giving everyone else a gift for my birthday. That's right, I'm going to give everyone a special gift that will finally make them happy." Obviously, we talked some more, he ended up crying, my insides were all jittery and he left for lunch with his dad. When I returned from lunch, I saw nephew leaving and I went straight to my brother in law and told him what his son said.

I know we cannot jump through hoops for him as he struggles with his addiction and recovery (his parents are having him drug tested and contemplating having him sign himself into a program) and that we all need to practice detachment - but isn't this the exception? I've heard him talk before jokingly about killing himself - but this was different and in light of recent events, his comments held more weight with me. I am very afraid that he may harm himself. My brother in law said they will keep an eye on him. We're supposed to go over their house for cake tomorrow night for his birthday. If he hurt himself it would just completely break my heart and so many others.

 

[Shari]

Many hugs and prayers for you...how awful..poor kid.

Could you offer to take the day off with him and do something special with him? You can't babysit him forever, but it sounds like he needs a little more help than the norm right now.

 

[hearts and roses]

Thank you Shari - I did tell him I would take the day off to go somewhere with him. I said we could take a drive down to the ocean and just spend the day out and about. He didn't respond except to say, "No, I have something special I'm doing already" but would not elaborate.

 

[DammitJanet]

That doesnt sound real good Jo. It almost sounds like a plan to me. I am worried. Very.

 

[hearts and roses]

It does sound like a plan, doesn't it Janet?

His tone, his inflections, his facial expressions were all so reminiscent of difficult child when she felt such despair (though she never had a solid plan). My nephew is older and lives on his own, so he could have a plan or at least be thinking of making a plan, which really scares the heck out of me.

I gripped him hard and told him he's not done yet, he still has so much to offer and do in his life, that I loved him and that he can't break my heart, to hold on, call me anytime day or night if he feels like he's at the end....blah blah blah - all that stuff. He started to cry and just shook his head yes.

I told brother in law that my nephew shouldn't be left alone at all or they should take him to an ER. They are torn, my brother in law and sister, because on the one hand, they don't want to be completely co-dependent (which I totally get), but on the other hand, they don't want to allow him the time and space to hurt himself.

I'm just worried.

 

[busywend]

Sounds like a plan to me, too. Can brother in law & sister Baker Act him today?

 

[gcvmom]

I agree with BW - someone needs to make an urgent call in his behalf TODAY!!!

 

[alongfortheride]

Maybe his gift is signing himself into rehab. That was my first thought when reading it but I'm the eternal optimist.

 

[KTMom91]

Saying prayers and hoping for the best.

 

[MyFriendKita]

My son's friend recently committed suicide, and no one thought he would do it. I would take this very seriously--someone needs to stay with your nephew 24/7 until he gets some help. Better to overreact than underreact, in my opinion.

ETA: The fact that your nephew is a substance abuser makes this more serious, I think. Suicidal thinking coupled with alcohol and/or drugs is a lethal combination. I will definitely keep your nephew and all those who love him in my prayers.

 

[flutterby]

I had the same thought as the others. Maybe phrase it that you *want* to spend time with him and maybe he would like to share his "something special"?

(((hugs)))

 

[hearts and roses]

I spoke with him a little while ago. He was on his way to meet his dad for coffee. He asked me why I was calling - "just checking in, seeing how you're doing" and then I asked him, "Will I see you tomorrow or are we going out for the day?" and he said he was coming into the office in the AM. I am going to be prepared to leave if he wants to get out of there. I'm sure brother in law won't mind.

Then before we hung up he said, "Aunt Jo, I'm not going to kill myself. I mean, that's how I feel all the Goddammed time, but I won't do it. You don't have to worry that I will do that". I still am worried, but now at least I know he's with his dad.

Thank you for the thoughts and prayers.

 

[gcvmom]

Well, it's somewhat relieving to hear him come out and say that. But the fact that he feels that way all the time is just so horrible -- he truly needs some intensive help, and quick. I hope his family can let go of their codependency issues for a moment and see their way to an intervention of some sort. He needs it.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

I agree with gvc, it's good that he actually came out and said what you all feared. I think the plan of keeping tabs on him is a good one. He could say one thing and mean another. You all will be in my thoughts...

sharon

 

[hearts and roses]

Well, it's somewhat relieving to hear him come out and say that. But the fact that he feels that way all the time is just so horrible -- he truly needs some intensive help, and quick. I hope his family can let go of their codependency issues for a moment and see their way to an intervention of some sort. He needs it.

You know GVC, you make a great point here about them letting go of their co-dependcy issues and getting him the help he needs. I think they view helping him [in the appropriate manner] as being co-dependent. I think their plan was that if the drug test came back positive (he had it on Mon), they were going to make him admit himself into a rehab program. I am not sure that they realize there is immediate help out there if they think he may harm himself or others, such as the Baker Act or even something as simple as taking him to an ER for overnight observation.

No one is in the office yet - I'm sitting here holding my breath waiting for either brother in law or nephew to come in or a phone call.

 

[TerryJ2]

Whew, this thread had my heart racing! That definitely sounded like a plan to me.
Sigh.
I'm glad he's better today.
I suspect this is going to happen again, though.

 

[hearts and roses]

He came in today! It's his birthday and I offered to take him to lunch as I do every year for the past couple of years. He said he would do lunch with me (if his dad lets him out of his sights). Thank you thank you thank you!! Another day.

 

[busywend]

This sounds good! He admitted having thoughts, but knows (for now) that it is not the answer to his problems.

Ask him what the answer is? How can he improve his life?