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The Watercooler
I am soooooo #$%^&* angry and my arms hurt.
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<blockquote data-quote="mstang67chic" data-source="post: 195360" data-attributes="member: 2459"><p>Like that? No. He and I have had small talks here and there when we see each other but nothing like that. I should and part of me really wants to just unleash on him. But....even if he stops today, he's still on borrowed time. There's just too much damage. And I'm too afraid of that being the last contact I ever have with him to let myself do it. Will I possibly regret not doing it? Maybe, but I think I would regret it more if the last words I ever said to him were F you, even if I said I love you but... you know? Besides....we've ALL talked to him in some way over the years. He <strong>knows</strong> he needs to stop, he <strong>knows</strong> he will die if he doesn't (and at this point he will anyway) but he doesn't do anything. He <strong>says</strong> he has or is cutting back but his version of cutting back just doesn't cut it.</p><p></p><p>My dad (his brother) called me on my cell this morning while I was at work. Scared me to death but I couldn't bring myself to answer the phone. Actually it was all I could do to listen to the voice mail. He talked to J finally and the docs are going to do an Upper GI (again...I've lost track of how many of these things he's had.) If they find something they can fix, they will but otherwise they will probably just give him yet another transfusion and send him home. His wife did say last night that she's seriously thinking about giving him an ultimatum because she can't sit and watch him die either. I feel so bad for her. It's hard enough to deal with this **** anyway but she almost died this year herself. She is diabetic and got some sort of infection and lost one leg up to about 6 inches below her hip. (a little at a time because the original hospital she was at really hoovered) He's going to have to do something either way. Even if it wasn't an issue of his life, he's out of work and hasn't even looked for anything. She gets Social Security but it's only enough to pay for rent, utilities and food. There is no extra for beer, cigs, and even gas.</p><p></p><p>I'm doing better today than last night. Part of me is resigned because this is basically now a "when" issue and not an "if", but, of course, there is still that part that hopes. I don't want to lose that part of me but I also want to take that part out and slap it silly.</p><p></p><p>Thank you all so much for putting up with my little fit and the hugs and support. It means a lot and feels so good to know that I can come here and do it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mstang67chic, post: 195360, member: 2459"] Like that? No. He and I have had small talks here and there when we see each other but nothing like that. I should and part of me really wants to just unleash on him. But....even if he stops today, he's still on borrowed time. There's just too much damage. And I'm too afraid of that being the last contact I ever have with him to let myself do it. Will I possibly regret not doing it? Maybe, but I think I would regret it more if the last words I ever said to him were F you, even if I said I love you but... you know? Besides....we've ALL talked to him in some way over the years. He [B]knows[/B] he needs to stop, he [B]knows[/B] he will die if he doesn't (and at this point he will anyway) but he doesn't do anything. He [B]says[/B] he has or is cutting back but his version of cutting back just doesn't cut it. My dad (his brother) called me on my cell this morning while I was at work. Scared me to death but I couldn't bring myself to answer the phone. Actually it was all I could do to listen to the voice mail. He talked to J finally and the docs are going to do an Upper GI (again...I've lost track of how many of these things he's had.) If they find something they can fix, they will but otherwise they will probably just give him yet another transfusion and send him home. His wife did say last night that she's seriously thinking about giving him an ultimatum because she can't sit and watch him die either. I feel so bad for her. It's hard enough to deal with this **** anyway but she almost died this year herself. She is diabetic and got some sort of infection and lost one leg up to about 6 inches below her hip. (a little at a time because the original hospital she was at really hoovered) He's going to have to do something either way. Even if it wasn't an issue of his life, he's out of work and hasn't even looked for anything. She gets Social Security but it's only enough to pay for rent, utilities and food. There is no extra for beer, cigs, and even gas. I'm doing better today than last night. Part of me is resigned because this is basically now a "when" issue and not an "if", but, of course, there is still that part that hopes. I don't want to lose that part of me but I also want to take that part out and slap it silly. Thank you all so much for putting up with my little fit and the hugs and support. It means a lot and feels so good to know that I can come here and do it. [/QUOTE]
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I am soooooo #$%^&* angry and my arms hurt.
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