I am supposed to be happy?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mrscatinthehat, Nov 27, 2007.

  1. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Our dhs caseworker called today with "GOOD" news. The school district is willing to hold gfg1s diploma so technically she doesn't finish school in May so she can stay at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (in foster care) for another year. She couldn't understand why we weren't excited.

    Oh let me count the reasons. We have been reminding R that she will be turning 18 then and transitioning so we need to get going. Now she will see yep I waited it out so now because I didn't cooperate I got my way. Also the meltdown I foresee (because remember she is a difficult child) is going to be huge. I was really hoping for some other kind of transition.

    I know this gives us another year but guess what it also means we get crapped on for another year with these guys (dhs). Oh the joy.

    As torn as I was that she would struggle if out on her own it was my little light at the first tunnel. Now poof they turned my light out. I know can't make me happy but geez.

    So now when we have her staffing in December (we have one for each difficult child in December because we need those for our holiday spirit) we get to discuss/ make a plan for the next year. I don't know yet how the person at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) feels but I am going to call her in a bit to see her reaction. I got the feeling she wasn't excited about this idea when our case worker brought it up before. Now that it is pretty much a reality I wonder how this will work.

    So now we have to figure out if that means she won't go through graduation until next year (oh boy that will be another meltdown I bet) or if she will get to pretend this year.

    Does it never end?

  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Don't know what to say. I think I would be relieved that the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) has another year to work on transitioning her, especially since there doesn't seem to be a transition program for her.
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    You poor thing. I think you don't know exactly WHAT you are at this point.

    I know if it were me, I would not know.

  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    Given your difficult children volatility; her lack of social skills & independent living skills, I'd jump on another year of Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Even if it means being the brunt of anger & such.

    Remember, you don't always have to pick up the phone; in fact, there have been times that I've hung up on tweedles dee or dum, when they've called from Residential Treatment Center (RTC) & were not so appropriate. I'd call the staff & let them know that kt or wm had their chance for the night & the phones were off until further notice.

    And....your difficult child is an adult. She will have to learn these skills to be out in the real world.

    What is Residential Treatment Center (RTC)/DHS doing to help her in the job market? Does she have a job coach? Have they started training her on true independent living skills...filling out a job application, filling out a rental agreement/lease, setting up & balancing a checkbook, budgeting, shopping for groceries.....? See where I'm going here?

    The independent living skills staff for both kt & wm are already working on these skills (at a more age appropriate way - budgeting allowance is a good example) with the tweedles. I've been pushing this for a couple of years now, not knowing how/if either of them will be able to transition torward a more normal adult living situation.

    Beth, turn the phone off. Communicate with staff via email. Set limits on when & when you won't accept phone calls. It's not unreasonable....in fact, given your situation I'd say it's exactly what you need.

    I know from dealing with the 2 various/sundry treatment teams.

    I believe when I was working I let the teams know that I was available the first 10 business days of the month by phone or for appointments. After that, just via email.

    It worked wonderfully.

    by the way, happy - maybe not so much. Relieved - maybe just a little. In the end, it really is getting your difficult child as many of the skills she needs to make it in the "real" world.

  5. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I know I would feel the same way that you do if I were in your current situation. However, I agree with Linda. Your difficult child really needs more help in order to become an independent and successful adult in the real world. Hopefully, the extra year will be just what is needed.

    I feel your pain as I'm stressed to the max with yet at least one more school meeting for difficult child 2 before the end of the school year and at least one or two that will be scheduled in the beginning of 2008. Also, husband and I have to work on plans for difficult child 1. We are trying to get the school to pay for some more computer courses for him so that when he graduates he will have a license to repair computers. It seems like it never ends... Enough about me!!!

    I guess I just want you to know that I understand. It is like the HE77 never ends... I think that although you are disappointed, the eventual outcome for your difficult child will be much, much better with the additional year of transitioning help.

    Sending lots of cyber hugs...WFEN