I am worried.....

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, Jun 8, 2014.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Hi Everyone,

    Well send good thoughts our way. We saw my difficult child and I am worried about him. He is in a sober house and I do think he is still sober. He is supposedly looking for a job but I dont think he is looking too hard, or really has any idea how to go about it. He is supposed to be putting applications in for a residential program and I think he is only going through the motions. He has lots of freedom and yet is not doing much constructive that I can tell. He is not talking to us much. There is a very sad looking picture of him on FB. I am guessing but have no idea that the old girlfriend is in the picture somehow. So I really have no idea what is going on and there isnt much I can do. But I am back to waiting for something bad to happen and I just hate that feeling.

    We are leaving on Thurs for a vacation with my daughter and I am going to have to just let this go and let things happen as they may. But it is so hard sometimes.


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  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sometims I wish our mom antennas were not so sensitive. I hope it's a false alarm TL and that you have a peaceful vacation with your daughter.
  3. Terryforvols

    Terryforvols Member

    Prayers and many wishes for a wonderful vacation! Hate that awful stomach twisting, female/mom, bad is on the way feeling!

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  4. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I will be keeping a good thought that this is just a temporary phase in your difficult child's recovery. I know that my difficult child seems to thrive when there is a lot of structure and founders when she had too much freedom. Maybe your difficult child is just struggling with the transition.

    You do need to go off on your vacation and leave this all behind. If it one thing that we have all learned from the trials and tribulations of having a difficult child it is that our lives have to go on and we can't let our difficult children keep us from living life and enjoying ourselves.

  5. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Sorry, TL. I'm glad he's still sober, that says a lot. He's having a hard time, and he has to learn how to figure things out, as we all do. I'll keep thinking positive thoughts about him.
  6. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I am holding a good thought for you. .It seems that our kiddos tend to share a wavelength, and their lows and highs and now even the "fork in the road" times occur simultaneously.
    I am lighting a candle and saying a prayer for all of our difficult child's tonight; may they choose the path of better choices and stop looking (and even going) backwards.

  7. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry TL...I sure hope your worries are for nothing.

    One thing my therapist often reminds me...is that our easy child's deserve reward from us. They have put up with SO much with the distraction and destructiveness from our difficult child's.

    I hope you and easy child have a lovely trip. Life goes on...and that is also a lesson for difficult child.
  8. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    It sucks to be us sometimes. I am sending prayers for your family. Give easy child a great vacation with a mom who is fully present. I know that it will be difficult, but she deserves it.
  9. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Thank you all. I am still worried but now I am also feeling mad. A good feeling for me really because it gets ME back on track. I am just feeling a bit hopeless that he will ever really want to change or get his life together. And really that is on him. I am feeling again like we need to live our lives and whatever happens to him happens to him. I am glad we are going away because we will be out of the picture for 10 days and honestly right now I dont think he wants us in the picture!!

    So he has drug court today. I am not going. He doesnt really want me to go and I have something else I want to do. My hope is that drug court will light a fire under his feet and make him realize he needs to start getting it together or he will end up in jail. I think they are getting rather fed up with him too.

    So from what I see on FB I still think he is on a downward slide towards using....but I am doing better (for now anyways).


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  10. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    You sound like you are doing better. :)

    He is going to do what he is going to do. At this point, he has experienced life and he knows that he has options. He is making his choices. There is absolutely nothing you can do - but you know that...

    Enjoy your time away!! We leave for Massachusetts on July 4th and I am BEYOND excited!!
  11. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    I guess drug court went ok yesterday.... although I didnt hear that from him. He basically is not really responding to any messages from me.... so it is time for me to just keep stepping back for awhile. It ticks me off that he wont contact me until he needs something or is in trouble! Yet he says he cares about us... right now I am not sure i believe that. Oh well.

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  12. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    TL, I think not hearing from them when they have a "next step" like a trip to Drug Court is progress. It's progress for them, progress for us when we resist the temptation to contact them.

    Silence is golden. No news is good news.

    We have to learn what to do with ourselves during the silence. We aren't used to it at first. We don't know how to fill it up, except with constant worry about them when we aren't hearing from them. And then constant dealing with them when we are.

    The operative words there are: them.

    It needs to be a lot more about us. Once our children are adults, it's time to start turning the focus back to us. Our PCs. Our difficult children.

    That's what letting go and letting them be adults is all about.

    So, when this starts to happen, let's figure out how to fill up the space that letting go creates. There is a great big world out there! There is a lot for us to focus on to be happy.

    Let's start to make a plan for ourselves that doesn't have our kids' names anywhere in the plan. And every day, let's practice.

    That is the pathway to a better life, regardless.

    Hugs for you today. I hope it can be a great day!
  13. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    It will be a good day.... I am getting on a plane and going on vacation! Yay! I will have time with my easy child daughter who I have not seen in a month! So once we are on our way I will be able to relax and let go some more.

    Often no news is good news... however his pattern is when he is using, before he is actually in trouble with the law, he will cut down or cut off contact. So i think not responding to my simple query about pickng up some stuff for him and a quick question about how was drug court is not a good sign. He is ignoring me and that bothers me.... but I am less worried. Whatever happens is going to happen. I have done and supported him all the way and there is nothing more I can do. And maybe, hopefully, he is finding his own way and just doesnt want his mom in the way.


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