I called police

[klmno]

difficult child never came home this afternoon and now I wonder if he even went tos chool. I hate cell phones- you never know where the kid really is with them. Anyway, mentor came and went- a day late and a dollar short as the saying goes. I tried to call the phone number of this cell phone difficult child has about 3 different times today and there's never any answer- the battery might be dead- he could be half way to FL- who knows. Soooooo....police are on their way to take a report on a runaway/missing juveniloe on parole. They wouldn't have taken it seriously if I'd called last night. When he was in 6th grade and on probation they laughed about me doing this over him not coming home from school- and they turned out to be right. Let's hope they are right this time, too.

Have I mentioned that we are the talk of the neighborhood but no one wants to talk to us?

Oh- mentor wanted to know if I'd told PO about difficult child's violations; PO had said to discuss difficult child's violations with mentor. Gotta love the system.

 

[klmno]

Officer came and took report and said they don't go looking for these kids unless a parent knows exaclty where they are. He said if court services (parole) issues a summons right away and they find difficult child, difficult child goes straight to detention, otherwise they bring him home then PO deals with court issues. Right after the officer left I got a recorded message from the sd- difficult child didn't show up at school today. He could be in FL or Lord knows where by now. I get no answer on that stupid cell phone. He told me he would run away before ever going back.

So- I called cops again, cop came back and I stressed that difficult child could be in FL by now and he makes stupid choices and bro is not a good person.

 

[slsh]

klmno - I'm so sorry. difficult child seems bound and determined to dig himself an even bigger hole. I know detachment is in order here, but I also know how unbelievably hard it is to watch our kids just compound their problems by making really (insert your preferred adjective - don't want to offend) choices.

You need to take care of you. Do your job, get your ducks in a line, get your life back on track as best you can (basically, keep doing what you've been doing, hon). I have at times had a sense of desperation when thank you has pulled stunts, that I *had* to do something/anything to keep him from going off track. Unfortunately, in my experience anyway, the reality is after a certain point there just isn't a doggone thing we can do. It's sad and maddening and frustrating and ... surreal to watch them do this junk.

Also almost impossible to resist the urge to shake them and ask them what in the heck they are thinking. But of course, that's not going to do any good either, 'cuz they're just not thinking.

Hugs, klmno. I'm just so doggone sorry.

 

[klmno]

If my bro molests my son I don't think I can handle it.

 

[ThreeShadows]

Sorry about the neighborhood, been there done that. We ended up leaving the state.
You can talk to us, we listen.
When I was in your position, I heard difficult child 2 and his girlfriend were going to leave for NYC. All I could think of was "Lord! They are both going to end up in porn flics. girlfriend was an exhibitionist and difficult child 2 went along with whatever SHE wanted. They didn't got to NYC but my imagination was dreaming up all kinds of disaster scenarios. That's the worst thing, not knowing what they're up to.
Are you able to calm down enough to work? I was constantly jumping out of my skin.

 

[ThreeShadows]

So, you think he's with your brother?

 

[Robinboots]

We're considering the witness protection program. On a deserted island, tropical of course, with drinks and cabana boys. Well, husband isn't thrilled about the cabana boys, but hey, whatever....

Unfortunately, this is pretty much the drill: pick up juvenile violators, bring them home - UNLESS the DJO/PO has issued a violation AND the judge has ordered a capias. Hard to get them to do it, in my experience. Altho difficult child's DJO told me a story about a kid in detention who has TWELVE violations, in just a few months. Personally, I think they should violate the crud out of every.single.issue and take some freakin' action.

Just in my humble opinion.

 

[smallworld]

klmno, I'm really sorry. I think you did the only thing you could do. I hope the police find your difficult child so you know he is safe.

Hugs. Update us when you can.

 

[alongfortheride]

Wow...I'm sorry for your troubles.

 

[klmno]

He's home- I'm quickly replying without reading posts

 

[susiestar]

I am so sorry. I was afraid of this when he started going out his window. Have you gone through his room to find any clues of who he might be with or where he might be? I would say chances are he is not in FL, that he is nearby with some kid who's mom isn't around much or who's parents believe whatever line of bs he told them. Kids are pretty good about keeping phones charged. Friends with cars, friends' houses, heck he may have even gone to school for a little while to charge it, just not gone to classes. It is easier to get away with than you would think. Unless you actually think your bro wired a bus ticket or money to him to take him to Fla, he is probably at home. And at 15 he will need an ID to travel. Not a drivers license but a state ID. For planes he likely will need a notarized letter allowing him to travel (signed by you) in addition to a state ID. He probably needs the same for a bus ticket. So unless someone will sell him a GOOD id card, he is likely still in your area.

I am so sorry he is hurting you and himself this way. It is HIS fault. NOT YOURS!

 

[KTMom91]

Stay safe, k. Many hugs.

 

[Wiped Out]

Thinking of you and saying prayers. I'm glad he is home but please stay safe.

 

[klmno]

Thanks, all- sorry for spreading all this difficult child drama. The police had to come back after I called and told them difficult child was home in order to verify it. I wanted to call them ASAP so difficult child wouldn't get put directly in detention. I think maybe the police have contact directly with PO because it took them a while to get here and the stern talking he gave to difficult child was right in line with the issues PO and I have been discussing- I'm not sure- I guess it could have been coincidence. Anyway, difficult child just got into the shower because he's filthy but I think the night will go ok - he took night clothes to put on after his shower so that's a good sign. He's very hyper but says he had caffeine pills and energy drinks today and says he has messed up so bad he's convinced he'll be locked up again. I tried to tell him (and so did the cop) that he better get things straight now- the things he's wanting to do are normal but he can't run out and do them all right now. We'll see. Oh- he did say that he noticed his friends cared about him possibly getting arrested again but he didn't think they were such good friends because they kept going right along with everything. And he said his mind was really messed up last night because half was wondering why I wasn't looking for him and what it really meant if I didn't care more for him than that (trust me, I do but he needed to do his own thinking) and half his mind was thinking how great it was to be free but that he should come home. He said he likes having a house and bed and food and someone who cares. Again, we'll see. As PO said, there is a MAJOR transition when they come out of incarceration (long term) as juveniles and I can see that this is truer than I'd ever thought. I tried to keep him hanging on to hope- so far his offenses are status offenses (I think that's what they're called), unless he gets busted on a positive drug test but he is swearing to me that he has not done any drugs. And again- we'll see.

 

[Robinboots]

Status offenses are simply things that juveniles only are charged with, like running away, truancy, breaking curfew. They are things that adults - depending on the jurisdiction - cannot be charged with. Assault, breaking and entering, drugs, theft - those are BigBoy offenses that juveniles CAN be charged with, and sentenced/treated like juveniles. If, however, those things are serious enough, and the older your difficult child gets, he could be "certified" as an adult. Then it's BigBoy time.

I think it's great that he talks to you like this. THAT is hopeful. Mine has reportedly told others similar things, but not me. And he's a kids who USED to talk to me....

 

[klmno]

A lot of that is being a teen boy I think- in regards to not talking to their mother anymore. But honestly, there have been tdocs and people in the system that have encouraged my son NOT to talk to me - apparently thinking that we were too close and that was the problem. Personally- I think they are idiots. It's not like he had any other really caring responsible adult around to talk to. Now they all can't seem to understand why he doesn't respect me. Duh. But yes, for the little he does tell me, I am grateful. He is teetering though between right from wrong and which path in life he wants to take and he has learned better ways to mainpulate so I never know which side of him I'm hearing. I'm thinking this is where tough love really is important. The one good thing about having been involved with all this stuff for about 4 years now is that it is clear in my own mind where lines are- or at least clearer than it used to be- and I am able to be more consistent because of that. And difficult child is a little more mature and I am NOT buying certain stunts anymore.

 

[klmno]

Oh- I forgot- yes, that is what I was thinking status offenses were and that's pretty much the way it works here as far as juveniles and arrests for them.

Also, difficult child went on for a bit about how he could choose to live ont the streets and running away and be homeless or whatever. I said "yes, son- that is what people are trying to tell you- these ARE YOUR choices- but is that the kind of choice you want to make? People aren't trying to force feed you- people are trying to support what yoiu said you wanted but if you make the choice to mess it all up then we will all stop." Lord help me if this kid can't get this concept soon.

 

[Robinboots]

Mine hasn't gotten it. Not to scare you. I'm pretty numb today, can you tell? Ha. And he LOVES telling everyone he's "homeless" because *I* "kicked him out". Of course, he was also telling people I kicked him out on his birthday...which was December...which was the night we ALL went out to eat for his birthday...sigh.

 

[Hound dog]

(((hugs))) klmno

Sorry difficult child put such a scare into you. At least he is home and he's safe.

 

[Shari]

Makes me want to throttle him.

Hope things settle one way or another soon.