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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 208460" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Terry, you said, "by the way, he had a ton of wheat last night; chicken nuggets at his friend's house, and 4 TV dinners last night while I was sound asleep."</p><p></p><p>Doesn't it make you want to spit! AND she didn't give him his medications! I really hate it when I or my kids get sabotaged like this, and I'm the only one to see the problems caused; the person who goofed up has no idea what happened and would probably make the same mistake again.</p><p></p><p>OK, I know she was busy and distracted; but before agreeing to do what you asked, she should have stopped and thought, "Can I do this?" and maybe said no, or asked you to stay long enough to medicate him plus bring him some food of his own so he could eat with the others but still stay gluten-free. But to agree to have him, to accept delivery of the child with allergy problems plus child's medication, and to then not follow through - oooh, I'm so angry!</p><p></p><p>But of course, some people just know better than we do...</p><p></p><p>How possible is it to engage difficult child in his own management? I know our kids often can't remember this important stuff especially when unmedicated, but we were finding all sorts of things to try to sort this out for difficult child 1, including getting him a swatch with multiple alarms on it, which he set while we supervised. The alarms were to remind him to go see his school nurse to get his next dose. It helped a lot, but not for the times she was out of her office or he postponed going to see her and just cancelled the alarms.</p><p></p><p>Also, with diet - difficult child 3 got fully engaged in his diet even though he didn't like it. He would check labels on foods and still does because of his food colouring allergy. He will even check food for MY allergies!</p><p></p><p>Terry, I'm glad you're digging for more answers. It sounds like a lot of problems accumulated to trigger difficult child for you.</p><p></p><p>As for holidays - we had problems with difficult child 3 that we never realised at first. The poor kid didn't understand about holidays to begin with, he thought we had permanently moved house and left everything behind except the minimum we'd packed, leaving behind his computers, his toys, his bedroom - everything. He was VERY clingy and would scream if any member of the family got out of our sight, so if his brother or sisters wanted to go play in a nearby park or went into a different shop, difficult child 3 would be frantic and want us to find them NOW. But he still tried to be good about it. It was when he said to me in an uncertain voice, "I like our new house..." that we finally realised what he was thinking. We told him over and over, we were just having a holiday - but he didn't understand that word even though he was 6 at the time. It wasn't until we got home to OUR house, after repeatedly assuring him we would, that he realised. Until the NEXT holiday...</p><p></p><p>Now he's more used to it. One way or another, we have a holiday or weekend away at least once a year, often twice. He's a much more seasoned traveller but is still very much out of his comfort zone when we travel and his anxiety is a problem. He needs a job to do as well as something he can lose himself in (such as his Nintendo DS) to ease his anxiety.</p><p></p><p>The other thing that has helped us is to keep him informed, often give him a map of where we are going so he can 'navigate' and listen to what he wants. We also require compromise form him, but it takes a lot of reassurance. One thing difficult child 3 really gets anxious about it "getting lost". However, husband & I LOVE to explore new territory and although we mightn't always know exactly where we are, we always know how to find out way back if we need to. If we're driving along and see an interesting place, we like to feel free to stop and explore if we want to. It's not as bad as it used to be, but we've often had to work hard to keep difficult child 3 reassured that it's OK to do this, to discover new places and people is what holidays are about for us. If the place we stop at turns out to be something that difficult child 3 enjoys, we keep reminding him that we ARE having a lovely time because we made a choice to stop and explore. Then if our next stop is something he's not interested in, it leaves his mind 'free' to begin to panic, so we remind him that he had his surprise explore of a place he liked (perhaps a maze, or a playground) and that it's my turn, we'll only be x number of minutes and maybe I will be finding something interesting or enjoyable to cook for dinner. Again, if we need to we have something for him to work on to take his mind off his panic - a puzzle, a job such as taking photos or doing schoolwork (keeping a holiday diary on a portable keyboard is a good standby for us).</p><p></p><p>For holidays - we plan, we prepare, it's like travelling with a baby who is obviously too young to understand that Daddy has to keep driving for another two hours, we can't stop now and set up the portable cot just because baby needs to go to bed. We all try to enjoy the holiday but we enjoy it best if we can keep the most difficult member of the pack as relaxed and calm as possible, without everything going their way unfairly. Music is good, travel games are good, when we get to our destination the board games and card games come out. </p><p></p><p>Some people might worry that pandering to the most difficult person can spoil them and make them selfish - not in our experience. Our most recent holiday was just me, husband & difficult child 3. We visited a small wildlife park (we're zoo junkies) and difficult child 3 made a point of taking photos of the eagles for his big brother who wasn't with us to see them. difficult child 3 is a good photographer, difficult child 1 loves eagles. So difficult child 3 was thinking of his brother and trying to do something to please him. It's what he's learnt after spending time together as a group, as a family especially on our holidays.</p><p></p><p>We also plan our holidays for low-peak times so we avoid large crowds. Lots of little ways to make our life easier, as well as difficult child 3's.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes the wheels still fall off - but if we've done the best we could do, then we can't beat ourselves up over it. We just do the best we can and if it works out, we ALL come home having enjoyed ourselves and learned a lot.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 208460, member: 1991"] Terry, you said, "by the way, he had a ton of wheat last night; chicken nuggets at his friend's house, and 4 TV dinners last night while I was sound asleep." Doesn't it make you want to spit! AND she didn't give him his medications! I really hate it when I or my kids get sabotaged like this, and I'm the only one to see the problems caused; the person who goofed up has no idea what happened and would probably make the same mistake again. OK, I know she was busy and distracted; but before agreeing to do what you asked, she should have stopped and thought, "Can I do this?" and maybe said no, or asked you to stay long enough to medicate him plus bring him some food of his own so he could eat with the others but still stay gluten-free. But to agree to have him, to accept delivery of the child with allergy problems plus child's medication, and to then not follow through - oooh, I'm so angry! But of course, some people just know better than we do... How possible is it to engage difficult child in his own management? I know our kids often can't remember this important stuff especially when unmedicated, but we were finding all sorts of things to try to sort this out for difficult child 1, including getting him a swatch with multiple alarms on it, which he set while we supervised. The alarms were to remind him to go see his school nurse to get his next dose. It helped a lot, but not for the times she was out of her office or he postponed going to see her and just cancelled the alarms. Also, with diet - difficult child 3 got fully engaged in his diet even though he didn't like it. He would check labels on foods and still does because of his food colouring allergy. He will even check food for MY allergies! Terry, I'm glad you're digging for more answers. It sounds like a lot of problems accumulated to trigger difficult child for you. As for holidays - we had problems with difficult child 3 that we never realised at first. The poor kid didn't understand about holidays to begin with, he thought we had permanently moved house and left everything behind except the minimum we'd packed, leaving behind his computers, his toys, his bedroom - everything. He was VERY clingy and would scream if any member of the family got out of our sight, so if his brother or sisters wanted to go play in a nearby park or went into a different shop, difficult child 3 would be frantic and want us to find them NOW. But he still tried to be good about it. It was when he said to me in an uncertain voice, "I like our new house..." that we finally realised what he was thinking. We told him over and over, we were just having a holiday - but he didn't understand that word even though he was 6 at the time. It wasn't until we got home to OUR house, after repeatedly assuring him we would, that he realised. Until the NEXT holiday... Now he's more used to it. One way or another, we have a holiday or weekend away at least once a year, often twice. He's a much more seasoned traveller but is still very much out of his comfort zone when we travel and his anxiety is a problem. He needs a job to do as well as something he can lose himself in (such as his Nintendo DS) to ease his anxiety. The other thing that has helped us is to keep him informed, often give him a map of where we are going so he can 'navigate' and listen to what he wants. We also require compromise form him, but it takes a lot of reassurance. One thing difficult child 3 really gets anxious about it "getting lost". However, husband & I LOVE to explore new territory and although we mightn't always know exactly where we are, we always know how to find out way back if we need to. If we're driving along and see an interesting place, we like to feel free to stop and explore if we want to. It's not as bad as it used to be, but we've often had to work hard to keep difficult child 3 reassured that it's OK to do this, to discover new places and people is what holidays are about for us. If the place we stop at turns out to be something that difficult child 3 enjoys, we keep reminding him that we ARE having a lovely time because we made a choice to stop and explore. Then if our next stop is something he's not interested in, it leaves his mind 'free' to begin to panic, so we remind him that he had his surprise explore of a place he liked (perhaps a maze, or a playground) and that it's my turn, we'll only be x number of minutes and maybe I will be finding something interesting or enjoyable to cook for dinner. Again, if we need to we have something for him to work on to take his mind off his panic - a puzzle, a job such as taking photos or doing schoolwork (keeping a holiday diary on a portable keyboard is a good standby for us). For holidays - we plan, we prepare, it's like travelling with a baby who is obviously too young to understand that Daddy has to keep driving for another two hours, we can't stop now and set up the portable cot just because baby needs to go to bed. We all try to enjoy the holiday but we enjoy it best if we can keep the most difficult member of the pack as relaxed and calm as possible, without everything going their way unfairly. Music is good, travel games are good, when we get to our destination the board games and card games come out. Some people might worry that pandering to the most difficult person can spoil them and make them selfish - not in our experience. Our most recent holiday was just me, husband & difficult child 3. We visited a small wildlife park (we're zoo junkies) and difficult child 3 made a point of taking photos of the eagles for his big brother who wasn't with us to see them. difficult child 3 is a good photographer, difficult child 1 loves eagles. So difficult child 3 was thinking of his brother and trying to do something to please him. It's what he's learnt after spending time together as a group, as a family especially on our holidays. We also plan our holidays for low-peak times so we avoid large crowds. Lots of little ways to make our life easier, as well as difficult child 3's. Sometimes the wheels still fall off - but if we've done the best we could do, then we can't beat ourselves up over it. We just do the best we can and if it works out, we ALL come home having enjoyed ourselves and learned a lot. Marg [/QUOTE]
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