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I called the Sheriff.
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 532644" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>LOVE that difficult child will be out of the house once a week....I know my 12 hours off makes a huge difference (because even in school until recently I was always on call...so that was MORE stressful than his being with me...getting a little better now). </p><p></p><p>And as Susie said, if they get to see what it is like for you??? so much the better! He may honeymoon and they may not get that not having easy child around is a totally different thing (plus he seems pretty aware of how to cover things up and then to let it out on you) but this is a good step.</p><p></p><p>As for where to start? Call the closest children's hospital, outpatient clinics and university clinics. Tell them you want a neuropsychology evaluation for your child. Even when you can't make an appointment with a certain place, this often leads to another idea for where to call. Always ask if they know of any other places that do this kind of evaluation. </p><p></p><p>As Susie said, a developmental pediatrician is another option. They often have a team approach and it can be really nice. (as with anything, there are good neuropsychs and good dev. pediatricians). I NEVER ask if my docs think I should do this or that when it comes to evaluations. I just tell them them this is where we are right now and it is time for another evaluation. Then I expect they will do their part to refer once I find where I want him to go. Of course I live in a large metro area so the options are pretty good. Most p eople have to travel for this but it is WELL worth it. One of those things that pays off in the long run for sure.</p><p></p><p>When you call, make sure to ask if they have worked with kids with attachment problems. Since your gut is saying this is an issue, it really does take a special expertise in this area. Many people assume they know what that is, but have not r eally read on i t. I worked with a psychiatric a nd social worker who, when I suggested this little boy who was hitting the K teacher and kids and throwing things and dad said there were issues at home...said no he doesn't have any attachment problems, we saw him run and sit on (single adoptive) dad's lap when he came in...he gave him a big hug. I thought I'd throw up. I tried very carefully to share things I h ad (he had been in an orphanage till age SEVEN! can you believe it was even not a FIRST thought?....not to mention FASD and other common issues from a Russian adoption situation). Many of the experts in this are in adoption clinics or connected to them so you can contact them and they are also then usually practicing in private and work with attachment from other situations. The foster system is becoming better in general at recognizing this issue (laws for termination of rights and placement have changed in many places realizing that they need security at an early age... here they get six months and if they blow it the kid, esp if a baby is placed so that there is a c hance for normal bonding, much less tolerance for bouncing a kid around and losing the chance to give them a better chance--trust me I would prefer it be the bio parent if they can get well because there are issues either way, but the damage from a chaotic start is just so hard to treat and overcome.---sorry for getting off track, it is just such a preventable thing in many cases so it hits my heart).</p><p></p><p>This takes a lot of work and you have taken on a big responsibility which is a huge choice. Of course difficult child had no choice and it is not his fault but the reality of it is you have to live with this and you have easy child to protect. Hoping this step of husband hearing you is just that, a step that will continue and he will also support evaluations and recommendations from the professionals. I'd hate for him to look back and realize he could have done something when it is too late.......He does sound like a good guy under it all but he MUST wake up for his entire family's sake.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 532644, member: 12886"] LOVE that difficult child will be out of the house once a week....I know my 12 hours off makes a huge difference (because even in school until recently I was always on call...so that was MORE stressful than his being with me...getting a little better now). And as Susie said, if they get to see what it is like for you??? so much the better! He may honeymoon and they may not get that not having easy child around is a totally different thing (plus he seems pretty aware of how to cover things up and then to let it out on you) but this is a good step. As for where to start? Call the closest children's hospital, outpatient clinics and university clinics. Tell them you want a neuropsychology evaluation for your child. Even when you can't make an appointment with a certain place, this often leads to another idea for where to call. Always ask if they know of any other places that do this kind of evaluation. As Susie said, a developmental pediatrician is another option. They often have a team approach and it can be really nice. (as with anything, there are good neuropsychs and good dev. pediatricians). I NEVER ask if my docs think I should do this or that when it comes to evaluations. I just tell them them this is where we are right now and it is time for another evaluation. Then I expect they will do their part to refer once I find where I want him to go. Of course I live in a large metro area so the options are pretty good. Most p eople have to travel for this but it is WELL worth it. One of those things that pays off in the long run for sure. When you call, make sure to ask if they have worked with kids with attachment problems. Since your gut is saying this is an issue, it really does take a special expertise in this area. Many people assume they know what that is, but have not r eally read on i t. I worked with a psychiatric a nd social worker who, when I suggested this little boy who was hitting the K teacher and kids and throwing things and dad said there were issues at home...said no he doesn't have any attachment problems, we saw him run and sit on (single adoptive) dad's lap when he came in...he gave him a big hug. I thought I'd throw up. I tried very carefully to share things I h ad (he had been in an orphanage till age SEVEN! can you believe it was even not a FIRST thought?....not to mention FASD and other common issues from a Russian adoption situation). Many of the experts in this are in adoption clinics or connected to them so you can contact them and they are also then usually practicing in private and work with attachment from other situations. The foster system is becoming better in general at recognizing this issue (laws for termination of rights and placement have changed in many places realizing that they need security at an early age... here they get six months and if they blow it the kid, esp if a baby is placed so that there is a c hance for normal bonding, much less tolerance for bouncing a kid around and losing the chance to give them a better chance--trust me I would prefer it be the bio parent if they can get well because there are issues either way, but the damage from a chaotic start is just so hard to treat and overcome.---sorry for getting off track, it is just such a preventable thing in many cases so it hits my heart). This takes a lot of work and you have taken on a big responsibility which is a huge choice. Of course difficult child had no choice and it is not his fault but the reality of it is you have to live with this and you have easy child to protect. Hoping this step of husband hearing you is just that, a step that will continue and he will also support evaluations and recommendations from the professionals. I'd hate for him to look back and realize he could have done something when it is too late.......He does sound like a good guy under it all but he MUST wake up for his entire family's sake. [/QUOTE]
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