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I can't do this....
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 692251" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Lil and Jabber, I so understand the awful angst of where you are right now.</p><p></p><p>Lil, as the day gets closer, you are going to be more and more ramped up. Interestingly, looking back, I was always more upset than Difficult Child was...about him. He actually was doing pretty fine even homeless. It was ME that couldn't stand it. I would literally crumble in the face of it all and take to my bed and cry and cry and cry. </p><p></p><p>Jabber, I'm sure you are so over all of this. I know you love your son, but you seem to be sick and tired of it all.</p><p></p><p>I get that too.</p><p></p><p>Lil, figure out what you can live with (function with) and start there.</p><p></p><p>Believe me, your son will be better than you realize homeless. It's an awful thing to even think about our children being homeless when we, by the act of a mere decision, could offer them otherwise. </p><p></p><p>But there are some basic truths and principles you might want to consider:</p><p></p><p>1. Every single time he mentions suicide, call 911. If it's a manipulation, that will stop pretty fast.</p><p>2. Make it less comfortable in your house, if you are going to let him stay there longer. No special food. No special anything. No cigarettes. Don't spend a penny for anything extra for him. Hound the heck out of him to do even one or two chores. In other words, make it so he WANTS to leave.</p><p>3. If you end up not being able to stand just throwing him out, pay for that one month's rent and then keep your distance. Whatever you do, don't let him move back in. If, at the end of the month, he has no resources, then he's made himself homeless without any action from you. That will make it easier on you.</p><p>4. I don't believe adult kids should live in the same house with their parents---that's just me but I think even the best of them regress. They need to be out on their own somewhere somehow. </p><p></p><p>You are in a bad situation and you saw it coming. He has choices. He can manage if he wants to---we know that because he has done it before. But if he doesn't HAVE to, guess what? He won't.</p><p></p><p>Give him a chance to grow up by figuring out what you can live with right now. Do one thing different. If nothing changes, nothing changes. </p><p></p><p>I know this is so very very hard. It wrenches you to the bottom of your soul. Hang in there. We're here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 692251, member: 17542"] Lil and Jabber, I so understand the awful angst of where you are right now. Lil, as the day gets closer, you are going to be more and more ramped up. Interestingly, looking back, I was always more upset than Difficult Child was...about him. He actually was doing pretty fine even homeless. It was ME that couldn't stand it. I would literally crumble in the face of it all and take to my bed and cry and cry and cry. Jabber, I'm sure you are so over all of this. I know you love your son, but you seem to be sick and tired of it all. I get that too. Lil, figure out what you can live with (function with) and start there. Believe me, your son will be better than you realize homeless. It's an awful thing to even think about our children being homeless when we, by the act of a mere decision, could offer them otherwise. But there are some basic truths and principles you might want to consider: 1. Every single time he mentions suicide, call 911. If it's a manipulation, that will stop pretty fast. 2. Make it less comfortable in your house, if you are going to let him stay there longer. No special food. No special anything. No cigarettes. Don't spend a penny for anything extra for him. Hound the heck out of him to do even one or two chores. In other words, make it so he WANTS to leave. 3. If you end up not being able to stand just throwing him out, pay for that one month's rent and then keep your distance. Whatever you do, don't let him move back in. If, at the end of the month, he has no resources, then he's made himself homeless without any action from you. That will make it easier on you. 4. I don't believe adult kids should live in the same house with their parents---that's just me but I think even the best of them regress. They need to be out on their own somewhere somehow. You are in a bad situation and you saw it coming. He has choices. He can manage if he wants to---we know that because he has done it before. But if he doesn't HAVE to, guess what? He won't. Give him a chance to grow up by figuring out what you can live with right now. Do one thing different. If nothing changes, nothing changes. I know this is so very very hard. It wrenches you to the bottom of your soul. Hang in there. We're here for you. [/QUOTE]
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