I can't do this...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by elisem, Aug 8, 2007.

  1. elisem

    elisem New Member

    difficult child is ,. most probably bipolar--all the symptoms fit, and his two aunts are BiPolar (BP)

    He's up there now, locked in his room, violent, screaming, throwing things, violent... And now the baby, my dear, darling, 3 yo easy child seems to have "caught" it... all afternoon, he's been screaming, too, kicking and giving orders... I couldn't let difficult child out when he shouted that he needed to use the bathroom, because I was in the middle of dealing with a violent temper tantrum from easy child... I think easy child acts this way because he's so largely ignored, the sweet, "good" child in this madhouse... difficult child peed on the floor of his room, quite on purpose, when I didn't come right when he called...

    What do I do? Can I call social services and ask them to pick him up? We have an appointment to have him diagnosed, but it isn't until the end of september... everyone says how lucky we were to have gotten one so soon.. But what can we do in the meantime? The whole family is falling apart... If I tell my husband, he'll stay home from work tomorrow, and he's already at risk for losing his job for taking so much time off... Aside from needing the money to live, we can't even get help without the insurance... And husband is so stressed, worse than me, I think, except that he's among rational people all day and I'm here... but if I don't tell him he'll probably find out, and he gets so mad when I don't tell him everything... he said just last night that he can't trust me because there's so much about the kids that I try not to tell....

    How do I get through this day, these next two months? And even after we go for the initial appointment, how do I survive the many months untit there can actually be some real help for us?

    --C
     
  2. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    in PA we can call social services and they can issue wrap around care or respite care. see if you can get that.
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If he seems like a danger to himself or others you can take him to ER. You can get help before Sept.
    I am terrified of social services and would never knowingly invite them into my life. If they knew you locked the kid in his room, you could get into trouble. It's your call, but I don't like them.
     
  4. elisem

    elisem New Member

    I'm scared of social services, too--while it would almost be a relief to have the children go away permanently, I'm sure I'd regret it! That was as close to making a joke as I can get right now.


    Like I said, he's probably bipolar. He's certainly dangerous when his temper flares, but by the time we got to the ER he'd probably be perfectly calm and rational.

    C
     
  5. sameold sameold

    sameold sameold New Member

    I agree with midwest mom. I don't think I would call social services either. What about a crisis hot line? While he is in crisis, call it, they will come out and see him and you.They are normally listed in the front of your phone book. We have used them plenty of times over the years. Good luck
     
  6. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    It is against the law in most places to lock a child in a room. If he gets violent again, call 911 and have him transported to ER.

    How old is your difficult child??
     
  7. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Could you put your children's ages in your signature? That way we know more about what we are dealing with....to give you advice. I have never dealt with social services, so have no advice there to tell you...any family near that could take easy child for a couple of hours? or hire a babysitter for easy child, so you could work with difficult child? I would say hire a babysitter for difficult child so you could get some relief from difficult child, but more than likely the sitter would never come back.....(if your difficult child was anything like mine)....
     
  8. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    We understand how difficult it is to deal with a child who is out of control. I feel for you and I hope you figure out a way to get a break. I hope this board gives you some comfort in knowing you are not alone in this battle.

    My most difficult difficult child is 7 and he will jump on and punch my oldest difficult child (11) at night. We were having problems with my middle and oldest difficult child stealing things. What we did was put locks on everyone elses door. They are locks that you can not lock yourself in a room, but when you shut the door, you lock everyone else out of your room. Like a closet door lock or a storage shed lock. This way my kids can always get out of the room when inside, but if they want to keep their stuff private and safe, they simply just shut their door behind them as they leave.

    I am not clear on the laws in your state, but I do think in most if not all states, it is not legal to lock someone in a room. I was trying to find news stories and found one in WI and one in FL where the parents were arrested for this. Please don't think I'm passing judgement and I don't want to scare you, I just wanted you to know. I don't want you to think that anyone on this board doesn't support you in how difficult it is to raise a difficult child, but I do want to be sure in your frustration, you don't get into trouble. If your difficult child gets violent again, please do take him to the ER or call 911. If they transport him to the ER by ambulance they will be able to vouch for his behavior when they arrived and on the way to the hospital.

    You can not live like this and neither can your family. Please do not think I'm passing judgement, I just wanted to be sure you knew the possibilities before involving social services. I understand how difficult it is to handle this all on your own. My husband gets to be among rational people all day too and I get stuck with the brunt of the GFGness. It is so hard to handle it all day and night without a break. My heart goes out to you and your family.
     
  9. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Who do you have an apt with for an evaluation? I would call them and ask to be moved up if there are any cancelations, also let the receptionist know that he is getting worse and his violence is increasing. I have done that in the past and it took weeks off of my wait time.
    Also I would call his pediatrician and ask what you should do? Alot of times your pediatrician can expedite things, put in calls etc. Let your pediatrician know how critical the situation is.
    Do all of these things with a nice tone and let them know you REALLY APPRECIATE anything they can do! Be honest tell your pediatrician, "I don't know what to do" "I need help"
    Just some suggestions...

    I would also if you haven't already. Have your parent report ready! A video is great also, journal of info... triggers etc. Anything to help your diagnosis,evaluation go smoothly.

    All of these things have really helped me and I live in a place where I have been told NO constantly.

    Good luck I am sorry you are going through this.
     
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    If you call these various services, including who the appointment is with, but do it WHILE HE IS RAGING LOUDLY in the background, it's amazing how fast you can get help! it doesn't always work, because they may already be doing everything they can, but it does make it clear just how desperate you are.

    Marg
     
  11. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I would call the diagnostician's office and tell them things are getting worse. Ask to be put on a cancellation list for the next available appointment and tell them you can be very flexible.

    I wouldn't call social services quite yet but do you have a neighbor who could take your little easy child for you when you get in situations like this?
     
  12. C.J.

    C.J. New Member

    You asked about social services....be careful what you wish for. My experience is that social services treats all parents like they are abusive, neglectful, and stupid. N* has run away three times, and I've notified the police each time. I was sure that holding her accountable for her actions would help her grow and mature. What actually happened was a foray into the juvenile justice system, where my child became a number on a caseload, and I became the unwanted and unnecessary accessory in her life. N* is home now on a trial visit, and I am currently lying (by omission) to her case manager about her behavior while at home. I want these people OUT of my life. I can tolerate immature behavior from my smart mouthed disrespectful teen. I am NOT tolerating disrespectful behavior from college educated professionals. I have explained to N* that I will live in a home free of violence. If she runs again, I will call the police again for her safety, but I am not working with the system again. Period. I am not the bad guy.
     
  13. Janna

    Janna New Member

    I wouldn't call social services either, but I would try to find a number for crisis, or Mental Health/Mental Retardation, or like SRL suggested, get on a list. You need to see someone, soon, quickly. When you get to the point that you sound like you are, you're not much help to your difficult child, and it's making you worse mentally (I've really been there done that). You need help.

    Get out your phone book. Look through the blue pages, pink pages, whatever, in the front. Call and get yourself some help.
     
Loading...