I completely ruined Thanksgiving and I feel so guilty

[Californiablonde]

I'm almost too embarrassed to post here, but I feel the need to get it all out. I absolutely ruined Thanksgiving this year. We spent the night at my mom's, like we usually do every year. This year the only difference is I came to her house on a completely empty stomach. I am on a diet and I didn't want any extra calories so I skipped breakfast and lunch. Big mistake. By the time we got there, dinner was still about an hour away from being served. As usual, my mom had wine there. As usual, I had a glass. Or two. Or three. Normally I can drink a whole bottle of wine on the weekend when the kids are at their dad's no problem. I don't even get a buzz off of it. All I feel is relaxed. So Thanksgiving night I thought I could handle a few glasses before dinner. I was wrong.

By the time dinner was served, I was hammered. According to my family members, I was talking very loud. So loud I was yelling. I kept repeating myself over and over and over again. By the time my kids had finished their plates, I blacked out. I don't remember anything after that. Both kids asked for second helpings on turkey. I went off on them. Yelled at them and told them they were making pigs of themselves. Something I would normally NEVER do, but I was drunk. So much so, that my mom suggested I go lay down in her bedroom and sleep it off. A couple of hours later I sobered up and came out to the kitchen. She then proceeded to tell me all about my horrendous behavior at the dinner table. She told me that difficult child 1 was very upset at me. Everyone else was just annoyed and ****** off at me. I don't remember anything.

I apologized profusely to my mom. difficult child 1 told me that my niece was making fun of me behind my back the whole night. Then difficult child told me I was an embarrasment. I totally apologized to her for embarrassing her. I felt so bad about it that I apologized to both kids over and over again the next day. I ruined everybody's time and I feel so guilty. Normally I am quite shy and reserved and I never behave this way. I will never drink on an empty stomach again. As a matter of fact, I am not drinking during any family functions again. My mom is having her annual Christmas party on the 15th. I'm afraid to have even one glass of wine. I am going to stick to diet coke the whole night. It's kind of a bummer, because I really do enjoy my wine, but I promised the kids I would never do it again. Hopefully they find it in their hearts to forgive me. They say they do, but difficult child 1 especially holds grudges. She told my mom that night that she wishes she had a "normal family." I hope she can let it go and learn to forgive, but I don't blame her if she doesn't. I ruined everything.

 

[Malika]

Oh dear, CB! Well, it's all very easy to say from the outside but no-one was killed, nothing got broken (except some self-esteem) and you are all still fit and well... so, having graciously apologised and tried to make amends, all you can do is laugh ruefully at yourself and put it down to experience (note to self: non-alcoholic wine can be very refreshing).

 

[Californiablonde]

I forgot to add that I couldn't drive home so my mom had to take me in my car with my stepdad following behind us. And I got so bad that my uncle apologized to my mom for having to put up with me the whole night! Ugh.....anyway I'd prefer diet coke to non alcholic wine. I don't drink wine for the taste. I like the way it relaxes me. I just don't like to be drunk!

 

[HaoZi]

We all make mistakes. Hopefully your kids will remember the lesson and decide to turn down drinks when offered to them. There may be a bright side to this in the future yet.

 

[Nancy]

It's a wake up call. I spent my entire growing up years watching relatives, especially my dad, drink too much and ruin every holiday. Apologies are good but only work if you make sure it never happens again. And trust me THAT will be noticed!!

 

[Californiablonde]

I like my wine because I am usually more happy/bubbly/talkative with it. I am a very shy person overall, even with my family members. I simply cannot think of things to talk about, so I am not very good at conversations. Alchohol relaxes me and I become more open. Usually I handle myself just fine during family functions when drinking. I know how to limit myself. This time I went way overboard, and I think drinking on an empty stomach, something I usually make sure never to do, made all the difference. No matter, I am not drinking anymore during the holidays. I'll sit there by myself and be a quiet little mouse. Won't be as much fun, but I want to make sure this never ever happens again.

 

[Fran]

I can imagine how embarrassed you are. I realized that drinking too much loosens my verbal self control. I don't need any help being more opinionated or blunt. I stopped drinking at parties or anywhere where I could embarrass myself, my husband or my children. I'm with Nancy that if this was a mistake and you show the kids you are exerting your own self control then it will be a learning lesson for the kids. If not they will either mimic your drinking behavior or really have negative, ugly memories of their family gatherings. It's a choice at this point for you. Forgive yourself and don't do it again. .

 

[Nancy]

I realized that drinking too much loosens my verbal self control. I don't need any help being more opinionated or blunt.

You and me both Fran

 

[BusynMember]

I know a lot of people who are shy with people do drink to loosen up. I am shy so I understand how you can sit there and not think of anything to say. But honestly, truthfully, I'd rather say nothing than drink and act like a fool. I've seen too many drunk people think they are being clever and everyone is rolling their eyes behind their back. But, heck, don't beat yourself up. It happened one time. Maybe you could use some therapy, like I have, to learn how to feel more comfortable around people without drinking. I have learned that it is ok to be quiet and just listen.
People forget things fast. Next week there will be another family story for everyone to focus on, right? Just don't do it again.

 

[witzend]

You and me both Fran

Threesies!

CB, I'm not going to tell you to stop drinking. I come from a long line of Irish drunks, and it's just an ignorant thing to say to someone.

I suspect that what you might want to be most concerned about is what you have said about how the wine doesn't give you a buzz at all (I'm a cheap half glass of wine drunk and it's not as if I don't normally drink - I do); that you you like the way it relaxes you; and that you like your wine because you feel more able to be happy/bubbly/talkative when you drink.

You're young, and there are more healthy ways to relax. You can learn to open up more and be smarter about what you say and do whether you are drinking or not. There's Toastmasters. They cost $72 a year and you will learn to open up and you will meet nice people that you otherwise might not. It's cheaper than wine or therapy. There are other options, but I don't know what you are interested in or who you know.

If you're not ready to stop drinking, then I'm not going to tell you that you should. I do think that you should address the reasons that you list here that you like to drink, because it sounds as though you are using alcohol to deal with things you feel unable to do. I'm sure that you know how much sense that makes in the real world.

Clinical studies show that some people are predisposed to blackouts. Given that you only had a couple of glasses of wine, you may be one of them. I have no reason to doubt that your recollection of how much you drank is accurate. While you're sober you should look into the different reasons people can blackout while drinking. I have never blacked out, so I can't speak to it. I know that for a woman who is often alone, I'd be frightened to death if it had happened to me.

I hope that you will find a way to be more comfortable around people without the wine. It can only help.

 

[Signorina]

You goofed.

It can be a great teaching moment -or-

you can teach your kids that over-doing it is something to gloss over as though it is no big deal...

Use the opportunity to show and tell them that mom is human and that when we hurt someone's feelings, or ruin someone's holiday - we apologize profusely, do our best to make it up to them and we make sure not to make the same mistake again...

I had that happen the first Christmas without my dad...when you are stressed - alcohol can metabolize differently.

Don't stress about it too much, just apologize, let your kids know that mom screws up, teach them that even seasoned adults can't always handle their booze the way they think they can and keep movin' forward...

 

[pasajes4]

Drinking any alcohol with the medications that you take would be dangerous. You are not the first nor will you be the last person to have a holiday moment. You apologized to your family. You have resolved not to do it again.......so don't. I would think twice about drinking while on those medications.

 

[DammitJanet]

I was going to mention the fact that you are on medication and then you drank alcohol. I have completely given up drinking any alcohol at all because of the medications I take unless I go off my medications for a few days prior to drinking. Normally its simply not worth it for a drink. There has been one time in the last...gosh...7 years that it was worth it and that was my son's 21 first birthday and he is now 28..lol. Thats how long ago I last had a drink. I was supposed to have one in Cleveland with the gang but I forgot!

 

[InsaneCdn]

There's better ways to learn social skills than alcohol.
More important to work through the issues, than to cover them up.

This, from a person who still struggles with group functions. But it does get better.
You don't have to be witty. You don't have to ask intellegent questions.
Others LOVE to talk. Trust me on that. Pay direct personal attention to the person speaking, nod knowingly, and have a cheat-list in your brain of approriate statements. My favorite: Do tell us more. (especially if the speaker is full of those stories we all love to listen to). What happened next? Who else was there? How many years before you told your parents? Questions come later... as you learn the flow. But you won't learn the flow if you hide behind alcohol.

 

[Californiablonde]

Well my boyfriend is totally lucky in that he is very outgoing. He has no problems talking to people he doesn't know well at all. He was great with my family the first time he met them. He talked more than I did that night, and I'm the one who's known these people all my life! I envy him. When him and I first started dating, there was never a lull in the conversation because he could always come up with great things to talk about. I'm not so lucky. I have to plan what I'm going to say way ahead of time. Otherwise I'm quiet and don't say anything at all. And there's nothing worse to me than awkward silences. I absolutely hate them. Luckily with my boyfriend we don't have them often because he is always full of conversation. He makes up for both of us. Thank goodness. So yeah, anyway, I'll find other ways to deal with my shyness. Alchohol is only fun for awhile till I make a complete idiot out of myself and feel bad for it. Totally not worth it, so never again.

 

[DDD]

I do think opposites attract. My husband is very quiet and has always said that he envies people like me who can talk freely with anyone and anywhere. on the other hand he has the higher education, he has a better memory and is one who is greatly liked and admired once people spend time with him. Me?? I am not a ditz but just more open and extroverted so I tend to make other people comfortable easily. My thought is that different people progress socially at different paces. Whatever your natural pace is...that's what you need to be comfortable with instead of reinventing yourself. Maybe the two of you offset perfectly. DDD

 

[Parker]

I'm not good at social functions. I inevitably do something where the paramedics pay a visit or set the dog on fire....all within the first ten minutes of my arrival.

 

[HaoZi]

I'm of the "Open mouth insert foot" variety of person once I do start talking.

 

[Parker]

I'm of the "Open mouth insert foot" variety of person once I do start talking.

I have a way of making a compliment sound like an insult....it's a gift.

 

[Star*]

Well CB.......whats done? Is done. And however you want to rationalize doing what you did? Your business. Like PUmba from the Lion King says - Sometimes you gotta put your behind in the past. And I think BEFORE Christmas Dinner gets here? Or before the day gets going? Shy or not? You are going to need to decide BEFORE that family gathering if your family is the kind that is going to keep going on and on that day about your past transgressions., and make YOUR day a living hell, OR if they're the kind that will be basically hush hush about it and have you tip toeing around on egg shells and make your day a living hell OR if you are going to just walk in the house and say to your Mom a day ahead of time "I messed up, I have no really good excuse therefore I'm not going to attempt as an adult to make one up, HOWEVER I am sorry.....and I'm not drinking on Christmas but I would appreciate it if everyone would keep their mouth shut about thanksgiving day...and let me enjoy the day as well with my family." Or however you need to word it to make SURE.....no one brow beats you with a bag of coal. YOu don't deserve that. And I would have an EXIT strategy rehearsed as well - poignant and classy.

Nancy is right----you grow up watching that? It stinks and it affects your life. You've been told,,,,,,and so now you know. And Insance CD offered you an Odouls or non alcoholic wine.....Witz offered you Toastmasters. And being painfully shy isn't the end of the world. Jump in......someone ELSE in the room just MIGHT think what YOU have to say ----sober is AWESOME.....and noteworthy.

For one? I admire you for coming clean about being the Thanksgiving lush....If it does happen again? Have a plan.....like - LEAVE. WIthout the kids. lol. Go home......go to bed.

Hey - could have been worse........someone could have been filming you on their Iphone .........Know what I mean??

Yeah.........Hugs & Love
Star