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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 320121" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>When you say you're not sure what should happen - I'm not sure what you mean by this. As far as punishment goes, I think he's had that. However, you need to look towards preventing a recurrence. Replay it all over in your head, see what you could have done differently to try to hose things down, but without giving way in the wrong way.</p><p></p><p>For example - the hot-cold pack. has he ruined these before? Possibly trying to get it back from him was not needed, or not important enough when you weigh up the risks vs the benefits. If it's a really cheap hot-cold pack (we get them here very cheaply) then my biggest worry would be the child ingesting some of the contents if he puts a hole in it. But there are plenty more where they come from. He was ecalated, he was agitated, further interaction with you was making him rapidly worse. The question was - how bad was he already? Was the danger of letting him keep the hot pack greater than risking making him worse by trying to remove it?</p><p></p><p>I can't answer that. And even if you can, it is with 20:20 hindsight, which is the clearest vision of all. When in the heat of the moment, all you can do is make your best guess.</p><p></p><p>Regarding our own use of hot packs - we don't use them, not the official ones. Instead I make an instant hot pack using a wet hand towel (or cloth nappy, aka diaper) folded neatly into a crinkly plastic shopping bag or freezer bag, and microwaved until it's hot. To warm up again - microwave it for another minute or so. It could be a safer alternative for you. I find it at least as fast to prepare as the more recognisable hot packs.</p><p></p><p>As for taking his medications - why was he refusing? Was it because he didn't want Occupational Therapist (OT) be disturbed form his computer game? I do fiind that if I try to insist on instant compliance, we get oppositional behaviour.And if I think about it, I'm the same, if someone comes up to be if I'm busy (on the phone, watching a TV interview, watching the final few minutes of a TV drama series when the story plays out and we find out whodunnit) I'm likely to get stroppy and say, "Wait a minute!"</p><p></p><p>So just as I want my kids to recognise that I sometimes need a few minutes, I also need to recognise that I must also wait until the child is ready. A computer game may seem to be a futile exercise to me, but to the kid, it is as important as my whodunnit. So I say, "When will you be ready? I will wait for a few minutes for you, but this is important and won't go away."</p><p></p><p>What happened was very dangerous. I hope difficult child realises just how bad it could have been. When he said he wishes it had been him and not you, that is the closest you will get to him saying, "I'm so sorry. I love you and I feel bad that you are hurt, I wish it hadn't happened."</p><p></p><p>It also makes it clear to me that he has been sufficiently punished. However, steps need to be put in place to reduce the chance of this happening again.</p><p></p><p>You all need to be safe - from each other and from yourselves. difficult child especially.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 320121, member: 1991"] When you say you're not sure what should happen - I'm not sure what you mean by this. As far as punishment goes, I think he's had that. However, you need to look towards preventing a recurrence. Replay it all over in your head, see what you could have done differently to try to hose things down, but without giving way in the wrong way. For example - the hot-cold pack. has he ruined these before? Possibly trying to get it back from him was not needed, or not important enough when you weigh up the risks vs the benefits. If it's a really cheap hot-cold pack (we get them here very cheaply) then my biggest worry would be the child ingesting some of the contents if he puts a hole in it. But there are plenty more where they come from. He was ecalated, he was agitated, further interaction with you was making him rapidly worse. The question was - how bad was he already? Was the danger of letting him keep the hot pack greater than risking making him worse by trying to remove it? I can't answer that. And even if you can, it is with 20:20 hindsight, which is the clearest vision of all. When in the heat of the moment, all you can do is make your best guess. Regarding our own use of hot packs - we don't use them, not the official ones. Instead I make an instant hot pack using a wet hand towel (or cloth nappy, aka diaper) folded neatly into a crinkly plastic shopping bag or freezer bag, and microwaved until it's hot. To warm up again - microwave it for another minute or so. It could be a safer alternative for you. I find it at least as fast to prepare as the more recognisable hot packs. As for taking his medications - why was he refusing? Was it because he didn't want Occupational Therapist (OT) be disturbed form his computer game? I do fiind that if I try to insist on instant compliance, we get oppositional behaviour.And if I think about it, I'm the same, if someone comes up to be if I'm busy (on the phone, watching a TV interview, watching the final few minutes of a TV drama series when the story plays out and we find out whodunnit) I'm likely to get stroppy and say, "Wait a minute!" So just as I want my kids to recognise that I sometimes need a few minutes, I also need to recognise that I must also wait until the child is ready. A computer game may seem to be a futile exercise to me, but to the kid, it is as important as my whodunnit. So I say, "When will you be ready? I will wait for a few minutes for you, but this is important and won't go away." What happened was very dangerous. I hope difficult child realises just how bad it could have been. When he said he wishes it had been him and not you, that is the closest you will get to him saying, "I'm so sorry. I love you and I feel bad that you are hurt, I wish it hadn't happened." It also makes it clear to me that he has been sufficiently punished. However, steps need to be put in place to reduce the chance of this happening again. You all need to be safe - from each other and from yourselves. difficult child especially. Marg [/QUOTE]
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