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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 320185" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>I agree with Marg on this because what you are trying to cultivate in this situation is compassion. If you put too much stress on punishment it seems to me that it might just cause more of an adversarial situation. (I'm using the word "you" in general terms- I think WO pretty much already did this.)</p><p></p><p>And after reading Marg's post, I'm reminded that difficult child and I use a "time out" approach. It isn't a punitive time out but a "regroup" time out. That means one of us notices that a situation is starting to escalate so the person suggests a time out, which means we drop the topic temporarily, no matter what it is- something he wants, something I want him to do, it doesn't matter- and we go to separate rooms and do something different until a person approaches the other and asked if we can talk about it now. My requirement is that I will talk to him or listen about anything, but he has to be calm enough not to get violent and just show a little respect (it can't be a "you F'ing B****" talk), and we will then try to move into a problem-solving mode. This doesn't always work, but it did curb a good deal of escalations.</p><p></p><p>WO- Do you think your son is ready to try something like this? Can you discuss this with him sometime when he's calm and things are going well and propose it as an option? I was thrilled the first time my son was the one to notice the escalation and suggest a time out himself- before me. Maybe he would get this concept if you told him it's like "stop the world" <em>before</em> the situation gets worse and if he does that, he won't have any privileges taken away or be punished because he handled it maturely before it got to a point of needing to stop the world or doing something he regetted later.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 320185, member: 3699"] I agree with Marg on this because what you are trying to cultivate in this situation is compassion. If you put too much stress on punishment it seems to me that it might just cause more of an adversarial situation. (I'm using the word "you" in general terms- I think WO pretty much already did this.) And after reading Marg's post, I'm reminded that difficult child and I use a "time out" approach. It isn't a punitive time out but a "regroup" time out. That means one of us notices that a situation is starting to escalate so the person suggests a time out, which means we drop the topic temporarily, no matter what it is- something he wants, something I want him to do, it doesn't matter- and we go to separate rooms and do something different until a person approaches the other and asked if we can talk about it now. My requirement is that I will talk to him or listen about anything, but he has to be calm enough not to get violent and just show a little respect (it can't be a "you F'ing B****" talk), and we will then try to move into a problem-solving mode. This doesn't always work, but it did curb a good deal of escalations. WO- Do you think your son is ready to try something like this? Can you discuss this with him sometime when he's calm and things are going well and propose it as an option? I was thrilled the first time my son was the one to notice the escalation and suggest a time out himself- before me. Maybe he would get this concept if you told him it's like "stop the world" [I]before[/I] the situation gets worse and if he does that, he won't have any privileges taken away or be punished because he handled it maturely before it got to a point of needing to stop the world or doing something he regetted later. [/QUOTE]
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