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I could use a detachment pep talk
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 294924"><p>Please take a look at my last post and kathy's.</p><p> </p><p>In fact, I am mad at Kathy. (hheeee heeed) Why, cause her PARTY icon was better than mine and it ain't fair I tell ya. It just is not. (heee heee).<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/party-mini.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":party-mini:" title="party-mini :party-mini:" data-shortname=":party-mini:" />(There, I GOT IT!!!!!!!!)</p><p> </p><p>Why are we partying did you ask? Cause our difficult children moved out of the home and we wasted no time in aguish. Instead...we redecorated their rooms!</p><p> </p><p>You can not change another person and this goes DOUBLE for an adult person. In addition, most, if not everyone, has to learn from their own mistakes. That's the way it is. </p><p> </p><p>You have done your job. Pat yourself on the back. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" />If you made any sigifnicant boo boos, say your sorry and move forward ANYWAY. Let it go. Google the Serenity Prayer. Print it out. Read it. Put it on the Frig.</p><p> </p><p>Were your parents perfect? If so, please pm me about the religion named in their honor.</p><p> </p><p>Re: your youngest...can she get back into subsidized housing at some point if the situation with the boyfriend doesn't work out? It's really good that she is working part time. Sometimes with difficult children, this is what is best. Sometimes (in my humble opinion) that is all they can cope with for the time being...until they are more mature. </p><p> </p><p>RE: your oldest...how long is your oldest staying with you? I would get it out on the table regarding a date. See if she has a plan regarding moving. Set a date. These are things you are entitled to know. As mom, you might want to help out if there is a problem. YOu don't need to be enabling her. AND you personally are entitled to your own life, your own happiness and your own privacy. So, therefore, get it out on the table...out in the open with her. Assure her that you love her, wish to be of help, but would ask her to have a plan to keep it at 2 months at your home and stick to her word. Make sure you both know what the date is that she needs to be out (if she hasn't been responsible about it...then she can stay at a friend's house or something after that....you've done your part in helping...that's all you can do!)</p><p> </p><p>Regarding your daughter not calling...well I certainly would limit those calls. And if they are negative, I would GREATLY limit them. Figure out a way to politely get off the phone. Do you have caller I.D. You might pick and chose when you answer the phone if you see that she is calling. Let her receive some input from sources other than YOU. How about a mental health couselor? A minister? A very good and trusted friend? You don't have to do it all...and in fact, at this point, you shouldn't.</p><p> </p><p>Are either (or both) of your children on disability? If the nature of their illnessses are severe you might want to consider looking into this. However, they still should work when and where they can. AND, your oldest should NOT be living with you and you should dissuade your youngest from doing so as well (in my humble opinion).</p><p> </p><p>Finally, what excites YOU? What are your hobbies? Are you married? Have you and your husband done anything fun or interesting in recent months? Have you made him a nice dinner recently? What did you use to do in the past that was fun? Might you consider doing this again? Are you able to exercise? If you are not, consider a little gentle exercise...it will help with- depression and anxiety...and take your mind off of this "stuff." 10 minute walk in the morning has done a friend of mine WONDERS!!!!!Give this some thought and get to it!!!<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 294924"] Please take a look at my last post and kathy's. In fact, I am mad at Kathy. (hheeee heeed) Why, cause her PARTY icon was better than mine and it ain't fair I tell ya. It just is not. (heee heee).:party-mini:(There, I GOT IT!!!!!!!!) Why are we partying did you ask? Cause our difficult children moved out of the home and we wasted no time in aguish. Instead...we redecorated their rooms! You can not change another person and this goes DOUBLE for an adult person. In addition, most, if not everyone, has to learn from their own mistakes. That's the way it is. You have done your job. Pat yourself on the back. :happy:If you made any sigifnicant boo boos, say your sorry and move forward ANYWAY. Let it go. Google the Serenity Prayer. Print it out. Read it. Put it on the Frig. Were your parents perfect? If so, please pm me about the religion named in their honor. Re: your youngest...can she get back into subsidized housing at some point if the situation with the boyfriend doesn't work out? It's really good that she is working part time. Sometimes with difficult children, this is what is best. Sometimes (in my humble opinion) that is all they can cope with for the time being...until they are more mature. RE: your oldest...how long is your oldest staying with you? I would get it out on the table regarding a date. See if she has a plan regarding moving. Set a date. These are things you are entitled to know. As mom, you might want to help out if there is a problem. YOu don't need to be enabling her. AND you personally are entitled to your own life, your own happiness and your own privacy. So, therefore, get it out on the table...out in the open with her. Assure her that you love her, wish to be of help, but would ask her to have a plan to keep it at 2 months at your home and stick to her word. Make sure you both know what the date is that she needs to be out (if she hasn't been responsible about it...then she can stay at a friend's house or something after that....you've done your part in helping...that's all you can do!) Regarding your daughter not calling...well I certainly would limit those calls. And if they are negative, I would GREATLY limit them. Figure out a way to politely get off the phone. Do you have caller I.D. You might pick and chose when you answer the phone if you see that she is calling. Let her receive some input from sources other than YOU. How about a mental health couselor? A minister? A very good and trusted friend? You don't have to do it all...and in fact, at this point, you shouldn't. Are either (or both) of your children on disability? If the nature of their illnessses are severe you might want to consider looking into this. However, they still should work when and where they can. AND, your oldest should NOT be living with you and you should dissuade your youngest from doing so as well (in my humble opinion). Finally, what excites YOU? What are your hobbies? Are you married? Have you and your husband done anything fun or interesting in recent months? Have you made him a nice dinner recently? What did you use to do in the past that was fun? Might you consider doing this again? Are you able to exercise? If you are not, consider a little gentle exercise...it will help with- depression and anxiety...and take your mind off of this "stuff." 10 minute walk in the morning has done a friend of mine WONDERS!!!!!Give this some thought and get to it!!!:happy: [/QUOTE]
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I could use a detachment pep talk
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