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I could use a detachment pep talk
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<blockquote data-quote="goldenguru" data-source="post: 294984" data-attributes="member: 1545"><p>Heh Crazy -</p><p></p><p>Sounds like you need to nail some of your boundaries in place with your youngest. </p><p></p><p>There are people who really value our opinions and advice. And then there are those people who emotionally vomit all over us under the guise of wanting our opinion and advice.</p><p></p><p>If what she is doing to you (giving you too much information) feels wrong to you, then it probably is wrong for you.</p><p></p><p>Detachment is great in theory. But, in reality when our adult kids make stupid decisions, we suffer right along with them. Especially when there are grandchildren involved.</p><p></p><p>What I have learned about detachment is not that it necessarily relinquishes me from all of the negative emotions - but rather from the responsibility of having to rush in and fix stuff.</p><p></p><p>When someone I love does something stupid - I still feel the pain, worry, etc. I just refuse to make it all better. Does that make any sense??</p><p></p><p>Case in point: When my daughter got pregnant the 2nd time (on purpose) at 19 years old - and already had a 12 month old baby - and had just gotten married - and was barely surviving financially - I was sick, sick, sick. I was very upset for their immature decision. I was affected emotionally. HOWEVER - I did not rescue her. When she was barfing with morning sickness, I was empathetic, but did not rush over to help with her 1 year old. When she went through a really tough post partum depression after the birth, I did not quit going to school full time to help her take care of her children (thanks mostly to the support and advice of those on this forum I might add). Did I worry? Absolutely! Was I sad?? Absolutely.</p><p></p><p>See the difference? It sounds like you are hoping detachment frees you from the negative emotions. I don't think it does. I think detachment precludes us from rushing in to rescue them. I hope that helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="goldenguru, post: 294984, member: 1545"] Heh Crazy - Sounds like you need to nail some of your boundaries in place with your youngest. There are people who really value our opinions and advice. And then there are those people who emotionally vomit all over us under the guise of wanting our opinion and advice. If what she is doing to you (giving you too much information) feels wrong to you, then it probably is wrong for you. Detachment is great in theory. But, in reality when our adult kids make stupid decisions, we suffer right along with them. Especially when there are grandchildren involved. What I have learned about detachment is not that it necessarily relinquishes me from all of the negative emotions - but rather from the responsibility of having to rush in and fix stuff. When someone I love does something stupid - I still feel the pain, worry, etc. I just refuse to make it all better. Does that make any sense?? Case in point: When my daughter got pregnant the 2nd time (on purpose) at 19 years old - and already had a 12 month old baby - and had just gotten married - and was barely surviving financially - I was sick, sick, sick. I was very upset for their immature decision. I was affected emotionally. HOWEVER - I did not rescue her. When she was barfing with morning sickness, I was empathetic, but did not rush over to help with her 1 year old. When she went through a really tough post partum depression after the birth, I did not quit going to school full time to help her take care of her children (thanks mostly to the support and advice of those on this forum I might add). Did I worry? Absolutely! Was I sad?? Absolutely. See the difference? It sounds like you are hoping detachment frees you from the negative emotions. I don't think it does. I think detachment precludes us from rushing in to rescue them. I hope that helps. [/QUOTE]
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