I could use some sleep

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by antsmom, May 23, 2007.

  1. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    up all night about ant the last two nights. boyfriend had introduced ant to Rich last month. boyfriend did not know him well, but Rich had worked with boyfriend and ant on a few jobs. Rich had an apartment in a bad town for rent. ant moved in there april 29. since then Rich has displayed the gun he carries, thrown people out of other places, done drugs openly, fought by phone with ant and boyfriend over stuff at odd hours. boyfriend owns his own company as does Rich. Rich hired BFs company to do some work he could not handle. when pay time came he paid boyfriend but not ant. (they had each agreed to subcontract to Rich).

    he kept ant's money for rent. that is not the agreement. he then went into ant's apartment and stole the lease off the dresser and told ant he owed him more. ant has paid this guy 518.00 for a 300.00 a month apartment so far. Rich then said he changed the rent amount. he gave ant a bill for over 900.00 due june 1st. :eek:

    Rich then called boyfriend the other day and told him he wants ant out now. so ant was up all night guarding his stupid place. last night Rich showed up at 3AM and pounded on the door with an eviction notice. there is no way ant could have gone outside in this city at that hour on foot. ant called and woke us up. we told him to call the cops. Rich called and or text msg'd ant every few minutes for two hours. ant would not call the cops. He was afraid to. finally we told ant call the cops or put up with it as we were not going to this town at that hour.

    this morning I called the apartment near boyfriend I had orig wanted for ant. it is a safe place with a family downstairs, a nice porch, can walk to AA mtgs and church, the library etc. he can walk to Bfs if he wanted to do so. ant would not take it before because it has a claw foot tub but no shower and no where to install one anyway. I told ant he has to take this place or he can stop calling us at all. he agreed to. tonight we meet the apartment owner and sign a 6 month lease there. ant will sign but I will put out one month's rent that boyfriend will take out of ant's wages. I pray ant will not :censored2: this up. truthfully he has worked for boyfriend every day for almost 9 months. he listens to boyfriend. I just hope he doesnt blow this as these apartment owners are high school pals of boyfriend.

    he has some furniture and possessions now and I hope Rich lets us get that out tomorrow afternoon without trouble, I also hope Rich stays away tonight. I know what Rich is doing is illegal, but this is a gang town and Rich seems to pull power there. If ant will not call the cops on him, I cannot do so either.
  2. KFld

    KFld New Member

    My gut instinct says he will :censored2: this up. He has not been able to hold it together and do what he needs to turn his life around and especially with the girls he has been meeting and keeping time with, I don't think it's a good idea for you to get this involved. It's just my opinion and I know it's what you need to do to sleep at night, but history has proven that he is not ready for this responsibility.

    Just my opinion and I really hope it's wrong. I would probably be doing the same thing in your situation, though I would also know what I was doing was wrong. What happens when he doesn't pay the rent? Will you then be liable to do so?? It's not going to be an easy situation since this is a friend of boyfriend.
  3. STILLjustamom

    STILLjustamom New Member

    This Rich guy sounds like trouble, especially with a gun, but I guess you are already worried enough about that. I hope Ant will take action if this guys threatens him again by calling the authorities. I would not tell him where Ant is moving to.
  4. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I can only hope he can hold it together. that is why I asked for a short lease. the rent is 400 a month. you are right about the girls he is with. I would not be liable for the rent, the lease is in ant's name. as long as he works for boyfriend he will deduct the rent from his wages and will turn in the rent to the owner.

    if ant is thrown out for some reason I am sure I would pay the rent only to save face for boyfriend. I cannot sleep and am getting stomach problems from the worry. ant keeps his place clean and will not destroy things. however I cannot say who might sleep there with him.

    a dilemma for sure. ant will be thrown out from where he is now and I cannot have him here. he does work. if he did not work I would not do this. boyfriend is with him 5 dys a week all day. ant just has to hold it together nights and weekends at this point.

    I do not recommend this course for anyone. sigh. I can let him be homeless if need be, but I want to encourage his working efforts. If this is God's plan so be it.
  5. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    even boyfriend said he didnt realize how bad a guy Rich was. Rich has called boyfriend yesterday and they argued on the phone as well. boyfriend said Rich has lost his mind. I pray that things can hold til we get ant and his stuff out tomorrow at 3pm.
    cannot do it tonight as the new apartment is being carpetted today.
  6. judi

    judi Active Member

    Janet - good thoughts and prayers.
  7. judi

    judi Active Member

    Janet - good thoughts and prayers.
  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I hope, very badly, for your sake, that Ant proves himself.

    Many prayers and hugs.
  9. sameold sameold

    sameold sameold New Member

    Geez I got a stomach ache just reading this. I hope tonite goes okay. I will be thinking of ant. Please let us know in the morning how things went. I hope you get some sleep. Take care of yourself.

  10. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Big hug Janet. Hopefully he can maintain in his new place. We can continue to hope that one day, something will click and these sons of ours will "get" it.
  11. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    ant is all moved in. monica moved in with him, the gal he met on the net. the apartment looks nice and they worked all day to pull it together. now it is up to him. he seems content. it is a lovely area. i can sleep with him there.
  12. judi

    judi Active Member

    Aw Janet - get a good night's sleep. Take care.
  13. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I certainly hope you can get a good solid night's rest tonight.

    I find Ant's work eithic and the fact that he listens and likes to be around B/f very positive. I think it shows that somewhere deep down Ant still wants to be the man you know he could be if he was willing to do the work to get there and stay there.

    I know this board auntie feels better with Ant in a much safter area and away from that very unstable last landlord.

  14. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    I'll keep my fingers crossed that Ant does well with his new apartment. Sounds like a perfect place for him. I have been thinking about you. Sorry you were up losing sleep again.


  15. STILLjustamom

    STILLjustamom New Member

    Glad he is settled in. My husband was an active alcoholic for the first 20 years of our marraige and then, when our son went through his crisis/incarcerations, he quit drinking...cold turkey. You never know what the future will bring. So for now, be happy for the small steps.
  16. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I hope it works out!

  17. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    thanks so much. I have been getting very mixed feedback. a man I know who has a daughter difficult child that he has worked with for years...told me I did the right thing. my mom yelled at me. I mean YELLED. she told me I should have taken ant back in here. I told her no way. I got off the phone with her asap. I did this as much for me as for ant. His small step of never disappointing boyfriend with his work, and knowing boyfriend is only a mile from ant now, and knowing boyfriend picks him up and drops him off for work every single day...made me know it was what I had to do.

    the other place is a gang infested war zone.

    ant is never living here again. he must do well on his own or be homeless next go round.

    I wouldnt mind living in this place myself. it is adorable. he can walk to the post office, church, stores, a few restaurants, the library, bank, boyfriend's house, and...

    the police station is in his back yard.

    we shall see how he does with this step. the first month is paid for and just five months left on the lease. lol
  18. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    I am sorry your mom is such a pain to deal with. I am very lucky that all the grandparents of my difficult child 1 are on the same page with me. Sounds like you are doing well!
  19. Scent of Cedar I

    Scent of Cedar I New Member

    Sending strength, Janet.

  20. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Me too. Strength in numbers. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. :warrior: