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I did it. Told difficult child son....
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 614473" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Like you Janet, difficult child daughter, prior to this last winter, always paid husband back. He always forgave half. That was their deal. She was expected to pay it all back, and when she had the money, or had paid half of it back, he forgave the other half. </p><p></p><p>For that reason, it was never a problem to loan her money. Over this past year though, I would say close to $10,000 unpaybackable money has gone to difficult child daughter.</p><p></p><p>difficult child daughter was never mean like difficult child son. </p><p></p><p>difficult child son lived with us numerous times too, borrowed or was given some truly incredible sums of money on two of those moves just to get him gone, and has never paid us back penny one. difficult child daughter, or her children, or both, lived with us off and on over the years, too. We helped her very much to move back up North when she wanted to ~ which turned out to be a terrible mistake. I think when she was crying last night and talking about how other families help more completely than we do, she was just overwhelmed with her own position, now. </p><p></p><p>Poor thing, really.</p><p></p><p>I think too that the pain medications they had her on may have affected her judgment, so that what she wished and how she justified it just came pouring out. Hopefully, she won't remember the conversation. Last summer, when she was homeless and using, was very different.</p><p></p><p>Part of the reason we are able to let difficult child son go his own way now is understanding what the problem has been with difficult child daughter all along. It was when all we knew was that something was not right with either child that we were so vulnerable to believing we had done something wrong and had to fix it. But we couldn't fix it, because we could not figure out what it was.</p><p></p><p>That is such a strong point. I hope everyone who reads this can see themselves, there. There is a post on Watercooler about New Orleans social services where I think I expressed it more clearly. I think very important for parents to see and understand that dynamic before we can free ourselves into detaching.</p><p></p><p>Well, at least, starting to detach.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 614473, member: 1721"] Like you Janet, difficult child daughter, prior to this last winter, always paid husband back. He always forgave half. That was their deal. She was expected to pay it all back, and when she had the money, or had paid half of it back, he forgave the other half. For that reason, it was never a problem to loan her money. Over this past year though, I would say close to $10,000 unpaybackable money has gone to difficult child daughter. difficult child daughter was never mean like difficult child son. difficult child son lived with us numerous times too, borrowed or was given some truly incredible sums of money on two of those moves just to get him gone, and has never paid us back penny one. difficult child daughter, or her children, or both, lived with us off and on over the years, too. We helped her very much to move back up North when she wanted to ~ which turned out to be a terrible mistake. I think when she was crying last night and talking about how other families help more completely than we do, she was just overwhelmed with her own position, now. Poor thing, really. I think too that the pain medications they had her on may have affected her judgment, so that what she wished and how she justified it just came pouring out. Hopefully, she won't remember the conversation. Last summer, when she was homeless and using, was very different. Part of the reason we are able to let difficult child son go his own way now is understanding what the problem has been with difficult child daughter all along. It was when all we knew was that something was not right with either child that we were so vulnerable to believing we had done something wrong and had to fix it. But we couldn't fix it, because we could not figure out what it was. That is such a strong point. I hope everyone who reads this can see themselves, there. There is a post on Watercooler about New Orleans social services where I think I expressed it more clearly. I think very important for parents to see and understand that dynamic before we can free ourselves into detaching. Well, at least, starting to detach. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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I did it. Told difficult child son....
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