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<blockquote data-quote="Shari" data-source="post: 386994" data-attributes="member: 1848"><p>Oh yes. This is a long-standing problem. She was in the 4th grade reading at barely a 1st grade level when I finally tried to step in. After a long fight (about a year), I got her mom to let me put her in tutoring and counseling, but I had to transport and pay, which I did, up until 7th grade, then her mom made the tutoring arrangments. But cgfg regularly did not go. She knows she needs help. At one point asked for it. But there's no accountability in her environment. And mom lives in a $200k house (probably more), drives new cars, has all the latest gaming equipment, 60" lcd tv, etc, and is laid off half the year every year, works at a factory the other half, so cgfg doesn't even see the importance of an education. And mom doesn't care if cgfg does the work or not...as long as cgfg is under the radar at school, mom is happy. Cgfg would have not gone to school after about the age of 8 if no one made her. She just does whatever she can to get out of the work at this point...and she will tell some whopper lies to get out of it.</p><p> </p><p>Ask her what she wants to do when she gets out of school as an adult? She has NO idea. None. I really don't think she has any recognition that she'll have to support herself..If she thinks about it long enough and you press the issue, she might say "walmart worker". I'm guessing because that's what her half-sister does (who is also in her 4th year of college to be a teacher...)</p><p> </p><p>She has some working memory problems. I was able to get some testing done that first year. She didn't qualify with school evaluation results alone, but if she had a second diagnosis, like ADHD, she would have qualified for a 504 or an IEP, and could have gotten some help in school. Her mom did take her to the doctor and get the diagnosis, but she didn't want husband and I involved, so she didn't reconvene the IEP evaluation team, so nothing ever came of it except mom and grandma went to the school and yelled at them to do what the doctor's recommendations were (which was tutoring and counseling, by the way). And then things got heated with Wee, and he started in the same district, and I realized if I tried to fight mom and grandma to get an easy IEP for cgfg, that mom was going to balk at every step of the way, it was going to look bad on me in the district when it came to getting what Wee needed. Not that it has gone well with Wee, but can you imagine what it would have been like if I'd spent 2 years fighting to get services for cgfg that her mom might or might not let her use (likely not), and then I came asking for more for Wee? It shouldn't be like that, but it is.</p><p> </p><p>So I talked mom into letting me take her to tutoring and counseling. I set it up to be tutored by a teacher after school. She wouldn't go. A million lies as to why. I'd try to pick her up and take her back and make her go, but mom wouldn't let me do that. She lied to the counselor, also, and without communication with mom (mom's hubby doesn't like her talking to husband or I) its very hard to untangle a 4 way web of deceit, and again, there is no accountability, so what, really, were we getting...except me taking off even more work and spending more money on a kid who has 90% of the adults in her life enabling her behavior.</p><p> </p><p>I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. I call her cgfg because she's been cultured to be a difficult child. She wasn't one to start out with, its all learned behavior that's encouraged. Mom and both sets of grandparents have all encouraged her to lie at different points...so why wouldn't she continue...? I think she would have been easy to have gotten the help she needed in 4th grade. Would that make it a breeze now? Probably not. But it surely would have helped. As it is, I figured its just best if I just take a complete backseat to her education. I'd love to step in and help her write a paper. I used to do that, but she just got to despising me cause I made her do work when no one else did...since I'm around 1 night a week maybe, and literally everyone around her agrees with her that I'm just a pain in her backside, I didn't figure I was doing anything positive for her by expecting her to actually make an effort on the work.</p><p> </p><p>She knows I will help her. She just has to ask. I'm just done watching, reminding, or stepping in without being otherwise asked to.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Shari, post: 386994, member: 1848"] Oh yes. This is a long-standing problem. She was in the 4th grade reading at barely a 1st grade level when I finally tried to step in. After a long fight (about a year), I got her mom to let me put her in tutoring and counseling, but I had to transport and pay, which I did, up until 7th grade, then her mom made the tutoring arrangments. But cgfg regularly did not go. She knows she needs help. At one point asked for it. But there's no accountability in her environment. And mom lives in a $200k house (probably more), drives new cars, has all the latest gaming equipment, 60" lcd tv, etc, and is laid off half the year every year, works at a factory the other half, so cgfg doesn't even see the importance of an education. And mom doesn't care if cgfg does the work or not...as long as cgfg is under the radar at school, mom is happy. Cgfg would have not gone to school after about the age of 8 if no one made her. She just does whatever she can to get out of the work at this point...and she will tell some whopper lies to get out of it. Ask her what she wants to do when she gets out of school as an adult? She has NO idea. None. I really don't think she has any recognition that she'll have to support herself..If she thinks about it long enough and you press the issue, she might say "walmart worker". I'm guessing because that's what her half-sister does (who is also in her 4th year of college to be a teacher...) She has some working memory problems. I was able to get some testing done that first year. She didn't qualify with school evaluation results alone, but if she had a second diagnosis, like ADHD, she would have qualified for a 504 or an IEP, and could have gotten some help in school. Her mom did take her to the doctor and get the diagnosis, but she didn't want husband and I involved, so she didn't reconvene the IEP evaluation team, so nothing ever came of it except mom and grandma went to the school and yelled at them to do what the doctor's recommendations were (which was tutoring and counseling, by the way). And then things got heated with Wee, and he started in the same district, and I realized if I tried to fight mom and grandma to get an easy IEP for cgfg, that mom was going to balk at every step of the way, it was going to look bad on me in the district when it came to getting what Wee needed. Not that it has gone well with Wee, but can you imagine what it would have been like if I'd spent 2 years fighting to get services for cgfg that her mom might or might not let her use (likely not), and then I came asking for more for Wee? It shouldn't be like that, but it is. So I talked mom into letting me take her to tutoring and counseling. I set it up to be tutored by a teacher after school. She wouldn't go. A million lies as to why. I'd try to pick her up and take her back and make her go, but mom wouldn't let me do that. She lied to the counselor, also, and without communication with mom (mom's hubby doesn't like her talking to husband or I) its very hard to untangle a 4 way web of deceit, and again, there is no accountability, so what, really, were we getting...except me taking off even more work and spending more money on a kid who has 90% of the adults in her life enabling her behavior. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. I call her cgfg because she's been cultured to be a difficult child. She wasn't one to start out with, its all learned behavior that's encouraged. Mom and both sets of grandparents have all encouraged her to lie at different points...so why wouldn't she continue...? I think she would have been easy to have gotten the help she needed in 4th grade. Would that make it a breeze now? Probably not. But it surely would have helped. As it is, I figured its just best if I just take a complete backseat to her education. I'd love to step in and help her write a paper. I used to do that, but she just got to despising me cause I made her do work when no one else did...since I'm around 1 night a week maybe, and literally everyone around her agrees with her that I'm just a pain in her backside, I didn't figure I was doing anything positive for her by expecting her to actually make an effort on the work. She knows I will help her. She just has to ask. I'm just done watching, reminding, or stepping in without being otherwise asked to. [/QUOTE]
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