I don't even know where to post this???

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tpcmom, Jun 26, 2007.

  1. tpcmom

    tpcmom New Member

    One more day to the preliminary and I'm so nervous, I'm sick to my stomach. I lost like over 5 pounds in less than 1 week.

    He is still driving me crazy telling me this might be his last weekend, etc. Still behving like a difficult child. You would think something would sink in there somewhere. I don't get it. Actually, I shouldn't say that, I do get it. He is addicted to pain pills and needs them, along with drinking. He needs help, not prison. I'm praying so hard that he gets that help out of all of this, not just for him but for the rest of my family.

    It is destroying everything. And I know I'm an enabler. I know this and don't know how to stop or get out of this. It's just so hard. I watched a program on ON Demand last night called Inter, something, God I can't even remember the name. I live like this, the way this family lived. Never knowing what to expect every night, and not wanting to do tough love because they might wind up dead on the street and you'd never forgive yourself for it.

    Please keep us in your prayers. I'm going alone with him, no one to go with me and I know I'll be a nervous wreck. So early in the morning. His bio dad does not know, he does't want his pop-pop to know because he is frail and elderly and loves his pop-pop so much, he doesn't want him to worry about him.

    I'm thinking I definitly need to find some help. Would Al Alon be better or Nar Anon, does anyone have a preference?? He does drink, but it's the pain pills too, because he had two terrible injuries and he got addicted to them on top of the drinking and his bio dad is an alcoholic that is why I left him 15 years ago and raised my 3 boys alone. I need to get myself help too, I can't go on, I'm a mess, and constantly enabling him and my poor other kids it's just not fair all these years, I wish I was a stronger person than what I am, I know I've done more than a lot of people could have, but facing this demon is my weakness. That is what it is a demon in my life and it took over everything. I've lost control, I feel bad for him too, but bad for me and my other boys. I'm so afraid about tomorrow, it's terrible. I know I won't sleep well tonight and we have to be there at 8AM and could sit there half the day then I have an 3 month evaluation for my youngest at 3:30. I'll be going all day long, then the next day I have to leave work early and take my middle guy to the dentist to get his wisdom tooth pulled, waited for this appointment. for weeks now. He's been hurting but we had trouble getting an oral dentist lined up.

    I've been doing a Novena to Our Lady of Lourdes. I've done many times before and just pray and pray that the outcome of this is that he gets to a rehab or something and strength for myself to get back control of my life.
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm sure you will get some good suggestions from others. Just
    want to let you know I read your post and I will be saying a
    prayer that something good comes out of this stressful week. DDD
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im sorry you are dealing with this.

    If he is addicted to pain pills you are going to have a rough go of it. Can you call some place local to get some help? Most mental health places have a sub abuse component. If he is getting treatment it will look good for court.
  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    You personally would likely benefit from a therapist who is experienced in handling people in addictive relationships, as well as a co-dependency group:


    They may even be able to put you in touch with a specialized therapist in your area.

    Sending hugs and prayers...
  5. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    sometimes we cannot get out of the cycle of sickness, ours and theirs. I know it is hard to even think today but wish you could read this book, the library has it:
    boundaries by townsend and cloud
    codependent no more by melody beattie.

    your son is on a path you cannot stop. I know you worry but sometimes the darkest night opens the door to the bright new day. he needs help. you cannot help him. you can pray for him and love him, but he must get professional help for his addictions. he is still young enough to be helped.

    hearings are scarey but the court ruling will not last forever.
  6. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    depending on where you are in PA, I may be able to meet you for lunch or something sometime. I can call you tomorrow sometime if you like, PM me your number.
  7. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    The two books that Janet mentioned are definite winners. If you could meet with Janet, all the better.

    As far as meetings go, Al-Anon and Nar-Anon are based on the same premise, but Al-Anon has been around way longer and probably has more available meetings. It also probably has a stronger attendance and longer term members, I would suggest there.

    My hugest prayers are with you.
  8. tpcmom

    tpcmom New Member

    Thank you all so very much. I will definitly look up those books. I live in the city (Phila) I think Janet you are not very close to me, wish you were, I'd love to meet. I'd love to just talk with someone who knows what I'm going thru because they lived it. I mean I have my sisters, and they do try to help, my one is more understanding as she had troubled children of her own, my other older sister I love her to death and she means well, but some things are so much eaiser said than done. Advice is wonderful and I accept that anytime, but some times, some things I just can't get myself to do. One of them is to get him help, he needs it, I know this I think deep down he does too, but will he on his own??? I doubt it. That is why I pray that whatever comes out of this, it's the help he needs! Because I think that may be the only way he will get it. People mean well, I know that, but sometimes I just don't think they understand how I feel, how I live, what it's like to live this way. Yes I wish I could say you are going to this rehab or out you go, but I can't because I know he has no where to go, no job, no future, he has disabilities due to injuries he sustained separately, he is depressed and I definitly think he maybe bipolar, as my youngest son is. I am an enabler. I know this and I finally realize I need help for myself too. I have to do this for me or I am not going to make it, I've always been a strong person, yes I cry at the drop of a pin, but I manage to hold up and do what I need to do to get things done, but I'm so weak from everything right now, I'm drain, I'm dried up. I feel so bad for my other two boys, like I'm not really there for them. I'm miserable, cranky and who wants to be around that all the time. I know I'm rambling, I hope I make sense here, with what I'm trying to say. Some days are just so hard, tomorrow, I hope I can keep it together.

    Thanks so much for listening and the support.
  9. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I am 6 hrs from you. more near pgh.
    I mean it about the call though and have free calls anytime anywhere. let me know if you want a call wednesday. I am off!
  10. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I can't give you any suggestions. But I do want to let you know that I will pray that, when the day is done, your son will be getting what he needs to realize his life needs to be turned around and that help is coming.

    I will pray for you as well. It sounds like you are extremely stressed and anxious (rightly so with everything going on). I hope the judge realizes that getting your son help is more productive than having him sitting in a cell.

    Hugs, :angel:
  11. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    how did it go?