DDD; I don't know what to say. I read your post last night on my phone and I knew i couldn't type out what I wanted to say and put the kind of thought into it that you deserve. I came here to answer and I see your update.
You amaze me. Your smiley face, your apparent sense of humor and the fact that you didn't go running far far away last night and set the house afire as you left. Not that you would ever be a murderess - but it is a thought I might have entertained were I in your shoes... especially since you could have blamed the asparagus! (see avatar)
I wish you were closer. I'd come to work for you at no charge. I know we both are in wholesale/retail and I suspect our industries are very similar. I know the stress that the economy is putting on my business and the crushing stress that it put on H's business. With H's business - started in 1999 and greatly stressed in 2002 by the post 9/11 economy - we had just started to breathe again after 3 stable years when the whole thing went to heck in 2008. For 2 years we gamely forged ahead, convinced that the new economic reality was a game of "last man standing." We borrowed to buy time and stopped taking any pay in 2010, by that time we HAD to keep the business running because we had personally cosigned the loans to keep it afloat. And at least the business could afford the minimum payments...everything we did was a huge mistake. We effectively closed H's business 11/24/2012 --13 years to the day from starting it and it will formally cease operation - turn in our FEIN number, check the box marked "final return" on all the 12/31/2012 tax forms, tell our remaining unpaid vendors that we have closed due to insolvency - on 12/31/12. And I tear up as I type but I can't tell you if they are tears of pain or tears of relief. I thought I'd be sad, I thought I'd be panicking about the personal financial hit we will take to pay off the remaining loans; I thought both of us would be heartbroken at the ugly end of a dream, the sacrifices that didn't pay off...and honestly - my primary feeling is one of RELIEF. It surprises even me. It's like a huge load has been lifted from my shoulders. Yes, H has a new job which makes it easier. Our household will be at a big deficit each month - but not the enormous deficit it had when H stopped getting paid for TWO YEARS. Keeping the business open was insanity - we felt like we didn't have any other choice - but maybe we did. It hurts to bite this bullet but we couldn't keep digging ourselves deeper into that hole. And the pass through tax implications were going to KILL us. We were actually showing a profit on paper BECAUSE H wasn't getting paid.
I am proudly flying the white flag of surrender.
Think about it. You can't keep up this pace. It can't be worth it.
Thanks again, you all. DDD
