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"I don't know how to tell you this..."
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<blockquote data-quote="C.J." data-source="post: 598692" data-attributes="member: 1987"><p>Witz,</p><p></p><p>Over 30 years ago, I sat at the back of of the room at my father's funeral. I told myself I was there to say good bye to someone who should have loved me. I told myself I was there to show his side of the family that my mother did the best she could with five children and no financial, physical or emotional support from our sperm donor. I told myself I was there to show his new pregnant wife that she was better off without him, and if my mom could do it with five kids, she could do it with one - heck, unlike my mother, she was going to receive financial support from Social Security for the next 18 years - without fail. I told myself I wanted to see that poor excuse for a human being lying in a coffin with my own eyes so that I knew the nightmare of his being on this earth was truly over. I told myself I wasn't going to cry.</p><p></p><p>I cried - though not at the funeral. I cried when I thought of cousins, neighbors, and friends who looked forward to their dads returning home from work each day, when I dreaded it. I cry (or get one large lump in my throat) when I see a dad with a little girl, pushing her on a swing, sitting across from her at McDonalds having a "date", or when I hear a dad say how proud he is of his daughter..... I cry for all the things I wish I could have had in a dad, and over 30 years later, the things I missed out on are still bittersweet.</p><p></p><p>I don't miss him. </p><p></p><p>May you find peace in your current journey - and take the path you need to make it to the other side in one piece.</p><p></p><p>CJ</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="C.J., post: 598692, member: 1987"] Witz, Over 30 years ago, I sat at the back of of the room at my father's funeral. I told myself I was there to say good bye to someone who should have loved me. I told myself I was there to show his side of the family that my mother did the best she could with five children and no financial, physical or emotional support from our sperm donor. I told myself I was there to show his new pregnant wife that she was better off without him, and if my mom could do it with five kids, she could do it with one - heck, unlike my mother, she was going to receive financial support from Social Security for the next 18 years - without fail. I told myself I wanted to see that poor excuse for a human being lying in a coffin with my own eyes so that I knew the nightmare of his being on this earth was truly over. I told myself I wasn't going to cry. I cried - though not at the funeral. I cried when I thought of cousins, neighbors, and friends who looked forward to their dads returning home from work each day, when I dreaded it. I cry (or get one large lump in my throat) when I see a dad with a little girl, pushing her on a swing, sitting across from her at McDonalds having a "date", or when I hear a dad say how proud he is of his daughter..... I cry for all the things I wish I could have had in a dad, and over 30 years later, the things I missed out on are still bittersweet. I don't miss him. May you find peace in your current journey - and take the path you need to make it to the other side in one piece. CJ [/QUOTE]
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