I Don't Know What difficult child was Thinking...???

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Aug 29, 2012.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Little background:

    difficult child owns a keyboard. She never took piano lessons or anything - just likes to fool around with it and make all kinds of sounds. The keyboard also has a "learn to play" feature - there are a couple songs on the keyboard that will play a few notes at a time and then pause to let you "copy" the notes yourself...and eventually you learn the whole song.

    Based upon these keyboarding skills - difficult child signed up for a school event. No - not a "talent show" or anything like that. Instead, difficult child volunteered to be the accompanist at a formal school program being held in February. The program organizer (having no inkling of difficult child's lack of ability) is very pleased and asked difficult child to learn a particular piece for the show.

    difficult child had never heard of the song requested - but agreed anyway. Since she does not read piano music - she assumed that she could find a recording of the song on YouTube and learn it by copying a few notes at a time. The song turned out to be a fairly complex rock-and-roll type selection instead of the simple few-notes-at-a-time music that difficult child was anticipating.

    Undaunted - difficult child has explained to us that the organizer didn't really intend for difficult child to actually learn the whole song...just for her to be able to play along some harmonies here and there. Besides, since this song is so difficult, the organizer will probably change her mind and choose something simpler instead.

    Should be an interesting show - to say the least.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Sounds like difficult child is a little grandiose about her abilities? Are you planning on talking to the organizer about the reality of her abilities to save possible embarrassment and resulting ostracizing(sp)?
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    OMG, girl. No clue what she was thinking either... Sheesh.

    I think I'd quietly call the organizer and explain that difficult child overstated her abilities... Wow.
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Well, had difficult child talked to me prior to volunteering herself and asked my advice (or permission) or had even mentioned that she was thinking that this was something she'd like to do...I'd have sat down with her and talked about what kind of responsibility being the "accompanist" entails and I'd have asked her to consider whether she really was up to that sort of task and I would have gently advised her to choose a different activity.

    Instead - difficult child jumped headlong into this project. She has not asked my opinion nor husband's...so for now, at least, I have no intention of butting in.
  5. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Hopefully, the teacher will have lots of practices before February! A hard lesson to learn...
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh no!!!!!!! I feel so sorry for that teacher. (Not so much for difficult child.)

    Stand firm. Natural consequences and all that.
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I actually do not feel sorry for the teacher.
    Any teacher doing a proper job in this situation, would have had at least an audition... "show me what you can do". If all the teacher is going on is difficult child's verbal statements, then the teacher deserves whatever happens.
  8. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    Daisy, my difficult child 2 does this same thing! It's narcissistic. difficult child 2 has an electronic keyboard she can peck out a song on with extreme effort, but believes she can truly play the piano. I've told her when she tells people she can play the piano (or dance or any other thing she claims to be an expert at), the listener believes she can play the piano...with two hands...playing more than one note at a time. We would go over this all the time. She doesn't accept this as the truth, because, in her warped mind, she can play the piano. It isn't delusion; it's narcissism. I can give example after example of her weird narcissistic thought process. Any more, I just let others question her stated skills. Natural consequences/embarrassment haven't changed her perspective on her talents or lack of talents, but there really isn't anything else that can be done. The truth and reality don't mean anything in her world.
  9. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I think that the teacher should have asked her to play something so that she could see whether or not difficult child could actually do what she was volunteering for. Will their be rehearsals for this program that require your difficult child to be there and show what she can (and can't) do? While I think that the teacher sort of got herself into something by not checking to make sure she was getting what your daughter billed herself as, I do hope she realizes early enough that difficult child can't do what she volunteered for. Alot of other kids will have worked hard for this program.
  10. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Yep. It may be narcissism.

    I also find that it plays into her whole "sob story"...

    "I'm a naturally-gifted musical prodigy and my mean ol' parents don't support my dreams of being a star...."

    I'm tired of being cast as the mean, abusive, uncaring parent. Unfortunately, if I run interference for difficult child in this situation - it just becomes "proof" of how negative and unsupportive I am. on the other hand, on some level, difficult child may be counting on me going to the teacher. It gives her an "out" while simultaneasly playing into the "poor me" scenario. A Win-Win for difficult child.

    For now - I am keeping my nose out of it.
  11. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Could be. Or just magical thinking trying to make herself feel better. It is in fact very common, I think. Except most are aware enough not to get themselves in situations there their story would be revealed a lie.

    As a mother of two somewhat promising athletes (or in this point mainly as a mother of difficult child) with not so common surname I get this a lot. "Oh, your son is that boy. You know, I would had been a pro athlete in that same sport, but X." X being injury, lack of financial opportunities, wrong hometown, bad coach or something else. Or even "My kid could be that too. He was so talented but X" X being again injury, bad coach, kids deciding to concentrate on school work, sport being so expensive or something else. And most of this comes from mostly 'normal' and stable people. Of course everyone knows that every bar of every town of every country there is at least few 'would had been cliffrichards or lionelmessis, buts' but it is also surprisingly common in your everyday, normal and stable people.
  12. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    That's a really good point, Bunny...

    I hope the teacher figures it out soon.
  13. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Yes, I suppose it could be a form of "puffery"....but then why volunteer for such a public event? There's a reason empty-braggarts stay in the darkened bar and off the field.
  14. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Yes, that is odd. Either she really thinks she will do okay (magical thinking or simply not understanding what is expected), she thinks she can back off somehow before the event or she simply don't care that it will be embarrassing. It could even be something so simple that she don't comprehend what a difference there is between how she plays and what is expected from accompanist. She may honestly think she will learn to play the song without much trouble, because after all, she has already learned to play on her own, and this or that looser kid she knows knows how to play - how difficult can it be? Yeah, she will learn it is difficult, but right now, February is faaaaaaar away for her.
  15. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    I don't know about your daughter, Daisy, but with my difficult child 2 it isn't magical thinking. The narcissistic thinking floats through all aspects of her life. On her third day of choir last year, she wanted to quit because the choir director wouldn't use her suggestions. The woman totally ignored her, and she was insulted. She truly believed she knew more than her very experienced, award winning director. Narcissism. :-/
  16. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    DF, I kind of agree with Methuselah.

    My difficult child, who has grandiosity in SPADES, has an electronic keyboard that has some impressive features, including a play-along thingy. The keys on the keyboard light up to show you which one to press for the melody, and the harmonies and chords are filled in as you play. difficult child uses this mode and he is convinced that he can play the piano. One day he said to me, "Mom, I can play the piano better than you now!" (I started lessons when I was 4, and kept up with it until I was 22, took exams, entered competitions, won scholarships...you get the idea.)

    I said, "Okay, well instead of using your keyboard, why don't you play that on my piano instead." He sat down, idly pressed a few keys, and then wandered away.

    I think you're handling the situation perfectly. difficult child will (we hope) learn that she will be called on to use the skills she claims to have. And the teacher will (perhaps) learn to do spot-checks on her students' claims of brilliance before pinning her hopes on them.
  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Personally I think the teacher is an idiot for simply believing your difficult child. I was in what was known as general chorus in 8th grade and that was the chorus where everyone could join even if you couldnt sing but wanted to...lol. We were enthusiastic at best. We also learned a lot about music. One of our concerts we were going to do Love Story and my teacher knew that I had taken piano lessons since I was 5 years old. She asked me if I would like to play a duet with her instead of singing. I was thrilled. She had also heard me playing in the chorus room for half the year. I worked my butt off at home to learn that piece and I stayed after school at least twice a week to work with her. It went off without a hitch.

    I cant use one of those electronic keyboards to save my life. I miss my piano. It was a victim of my parents divorce.