i don't know what has gotten into him....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mom23gsfg, Jan 24, 2008.

  1. mom23gsfg

    mom23gsfg New Member

    these past few days. i have been letting kenny stay with his granny (my mom)for a while since the doctor released him from the hospital, because the doctor put him on homebound for a while and the teacher cant get to my home due to the rough roads due to snow and ice(i have snow and ice even when everyone in town doesnt.4 wheel drive terrirory in the winter... ugh)
    he stayed with us this weekend and then yesterday
    well i went to get him from granny's totake hime to the doctor for his preop (to get his tonsils removed)and his pregnant sister was there (stephanie)they started fussing back and forth (which he started telling her she was a ***** and wasn't going to ammont to anything because she is pregnant. when she told him to shutup he walked by her (she was sitting in the floor)and kicked her in her lower back twice with a pair of stealtoed boots on. i immediatly grabbed him away from her and had to drag him into the other room. and it took alot of control on my part so i know it took alot on her fiance's part not to just beat the cr*p out of him.:stopglass:
    i know that may sound bad to say on my part but what do you do when a person(even if it's someone you love) goes after someone you love. she had a doctor app too that morning and the doctor checked to make sure everything was ok
    then when we too and got ready to leave to go to the doctor he ran his mouth all the way there.
    when we got there he started hollering f&&*and alot worse and i told him to stop he looked at me and told me to go scr** myself and told me alot of worse things that i can't even say on here.....i said you do not speak to me that way and got up and walked out the door and left him sitting there in the waiting area by himself....i had to go and sit in the car to cool off .:embarrassed:
    i took him back to my mom's and left i just couldn't stand to be around him for another minute.
    my mom said she believed it is where he came home over the weekend and my hubby is the cause of him behaving this way. i just think the honeymoon period is over where he got out of the hospital and he's at it again.because he was doing so good until yesterday.he even walked away from his younger sis when she tried to provoke him, so i know he knows how to control his behavior to some degree.
    i just don't know what to do with him right now,i have tried telling him he could have really hurt his sis but he says he doesnt care ...i try telling him he could go to juvi...he doesnt care and doesnt believe the police will do anything...
    and for the first time since ive ever been a parent i about really lost control when he kicked her.:sad:
     
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    I'm sorry you're seeing some of the bad behaviors returning. If thinkgs get really out of hand (as in difficult child harming self or others), you always have the option of calling 911 and having him transported to an ER for an evaluation.

    How long has he been on Depakote? What is his dose? Has his blood been tested to see if he is at a therapeutic level? You should be aware that Depakote and other mood stabilizers typically take 6 to 8 weeks at a therapeutic dose for full efficacy. He also should be getting therapy to learn coping skills because medication alone can not do it all.

    Hope today is a better day.
     
  3. mom23gsfg

    mom23gsfg New Member

    he has been on depakote since december . it is at a theraputic level because the doctor didnt release him until it was right,he is on the depakote er 750 mg once daily at night before bed.also he is in weekly counseling .
     
  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Do you know what his Depakote level is?

    Some kids with mood disorders require two mood stabilizers plus an atypical antipsychotic for true mood stability. It's something you should run by the psychiatrist.
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sounds like he's very unstable, but please--if you feel you might beat him, call for help and don't do it. Our kids depend on our being in control, even when tremendously challenged. You don't have a signature. Have you had a diagnose for him that you are satisfied with? What he did was violent--I would have taken him to ER and keep him far from sister!
     
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I think you need to ask your daughter if she wants to press assault charges. Somehow he HAS to get the idea that he cannot harm others. He is clearly still a danger, so maybe he needs to be inpatient or maybe an Residential Treatment Center (RTC)?

    Kicking a pregnant woman in the back is a very very serious assault. I know it was his sister, but that doesn't make it right. It makes it even more wrong!

    He needs something, maybe it is another mood stabilizer and an antipsychotic. I don't know what his history is, but he needs to be seen ASAP, and if he can strike out like this, with little warning, then he is NOT safe to be home.

    I am so sorry. It is so hard.

    I suggested offering to let your daughter press assault charges because a pregnant mom is so very very vulnerable. She has to be feeling this way, then to be kicked, and with steel toe boots on, would make her very scared.

    Do you plan to let him keep the steel toe boots? I think they might have to dissappear and soft shoes like crocs or very cheap tennis shoes would be his only choices other than barefoot. Steel toe boots are weapons in his hands, and he knows how to use them. Unless he has a job where they are a requirement, they would just be gone in our home. I know it is an individual decision, but I felt the need to put it out there.

    Hugs, it is so very hard to be torn between people you love. But you HAVE to protect the weaker ones. It just is what it is. Violence can NOT be tolerated.

    Hugs,

    susie
     
  7. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Hi,

    I read your post and couldn't believe how hard of a day you must of had. So first i just want to say that you should get some rest, take care of you tonight, and start fresh again tmrw. morning.

    Im so sorry to hear that such anger and violence he exhibited and to his preg sis no less. i'm not sure if i would offer to press charges, i don't know his history of behavior.

    shoes should def go but i'm sure you know that. did she check out ok at doctors appointment. yes her fiance showed a great level of control i could even see a knee jerk reaction hitting him sort of thing having happened.

    i honestly don't have enough experience with this to be able to offer any sound advice other than to say that i am so sorry you had a rough day, and i think i would take necessary steps to ensure not only his safety but those around him.

    lots of hugs

    Jen
     
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I only meant the pressing charges to give his preg sis some measure of control, and a way to feel safer. I do not have any idea if it would have any positive impact on either of them, or if the sis would do it. I just would judge the situation and give the sister the option to call the police with the knoweldge you would back her up if she felt it would help make her safer.

    Hugs,

    Susie
     
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Just my opinion. Since he is obviously sick, and possibly NOT in control of what he does, I'd go the hospital route. If he gets into the juvy system, it is unlikely he will get any mental help--he will most likely be seen as "bad." Although he did a terrible thing, I'm not convinced he is intristically "bad" but he is sick and needs help and is dangerous too. I'd certainly go Residential Treatment Center (RTC) before juvy because I don't really think it accomplishes anything. But that's JMO.
     
  10. mom23gsfg

    mom23gsfg New Member

    :holymoly:woah ...i was just able to get back on here and i think i gave some wrong ideas..
    i have never thought i would beat my son what i was tring to say is that if it was someone else that had done this to his sister i would beat the **** out of them (like if it had ben her fiance)
    what i was trying to say well wiether ask is what do you do to protect someone you love from someone you love ?
    i dont approve of juvis .i think all of the kids there just need some help, i was trying to tell him he could possibly get sent there if she called the police and there would be nothing i could do about it.
    when he behaves this way i cant help but to not want to be around him,it hurts me because i feel like i have failed as a parent.

    i wonder if he could be bipolar ?he has a mood disorder not otherwise specified.it runs in our family alot.but, him and his sis are getting along now so im beginning to wonder also if maybe my mother isnt right on him picking up on his stepdad's attitude?or maybe both?
     
  11. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    FWIW, Mood Disorder-not otherwise specified frequently gets better with the medications that treat Bipolar Disorder (two mood stabilizers plus atypical antipsychotic). That's what we found with my son.
     
  12. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    jessica,

    I really don't have any advice, but your post tugged at my heartstrings. I could not imagine having to protect my daughter from my son.

    Sending gentle hugs for your hurting mommy heart.
     
  13. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Just my 2 cents but his stepdad's attitude could certainly contaminate difficult child's attitude. These kids with mood disorders are INCREDIBLY sensitive to toxic environments and I think you'll see a lot of acting out if they are exposed to anything that makes them feel badly about themselves. Also, I believe they need very CLEAR and CONCRETE boundaries with very CLEAR and CONCRETE consequences for violations (just thinking about the kicking incident -- a very swift and decisive consequence that has a high cost for the difficult child would be in order for something like that -- the idea is that the cost for the chosen behavior is greater than the cost of not doing the behavior, so they avoid the higher cost behavior).

    In our house, when structure starts to weaken it's an invitation for chaos and a boatload of behavior issues. When husband is overly critical or yells at difficult child's for stupid stuff, they start fighting amongst themselves like a bunch of junkyard dogs.

    This sounds really preachy, and I'm sorry for that. I hope you can get a handle on this situation before someone really gets hurt. Your daughter deserves to feel safe at home.
     
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry that many seemed to think that I meant juvy would help him. I don't believe it helps anyone. However, at least HERE. that is NOT the only option the cops have. To get into an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in my state you hAVE to be court ordered, otherwise NO ONE will accept you and you have no funding. Our police were/are very caring and full of LOTS of options other than juvy.

    I was thinking that she needed to protect the pregnant sister, most of all. I did not think she would beat her son, though she might be tempted.

    I do think he needs more/different medications and some very strong consequences, losing the boots for good should just be the beginning.

    I am sorry that I offended.

    Susie
     
  15. mom23gsfg

    mom23gsfg New Member

    susiestar: i wasnt refuring to you when i mentioned juvi, this was what alot of the people that i am around have suggested like my hub for instanece and the police here. sad to say but the police here and alot of other people know his bio dad and his bad "rep" so they do not offer any help they just want to send him to juvi. im sorry if there was any misunderstanding ,.
     
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