I don't know whats wrong with me

[tinamarie1]

For the past few months I have been having problems focusing and remembering things. I feel like I am in a fog off and on, its not all the time but maybe 1-2 times a week. I have asked my doctor about this and they rearranged my anxiety medications, he said that some of them can cause those symptoms. It got better for a little bit and now its back again.
My dad passed away 2 weeks ago and since then it has been even worse. I have been in 2 small accidents, one i hit a planter at the gas station and then today I hit a parked car as I was pulling into a space.
Just to make my day even worse, when i went to pick up easy child from school, there were news crews all of the place. I almost had a full blown anxiety attack right there. I called husband and asked him to go online and see if something had happened today and sure enough a kid had threatened to go on a shooting spree last night at the school today.
I actually had a moment in my car where i sat crying thinking I don't ever want to leave my house and I don't want my kids to leave either. I know that is not good sense, and it went away about as quickly as it came.
We were driving home from Florida a few weeks ago after seeing my dad in hospice when we were stuck in the aftermath of the tornado that hit Suffolk, VA about 20 min from where I live. They literally closed the entire town down, I could not get home, couldn't get on the interstate. Another anxiety attack happened then.
I have bad anxiety problems and things like that really make me spin outta control. I know I can't make it without my medications and I am really afraid if they up my dosage it will make my mind worse than it already is. I don't know what else to do.

 

[Lothlorien]

sounds like you have a acute case of post traumatic stress disorder right now.

What is your diet like? Do you take any supplements?

Can you see a nutritionist?

 

[klmno]

Sorry you are going through this- HUGS!! all I can offer is to remove whatever stress you can from your life. Force time for relaxing doing something you enjoy.

 

[Tiapet]

I would tend to agree with the thoughts on the stress. Stress can play havoc with memory functioning and yes, if you are suffering from post traumatic as well it will not help. Trying to eleviate stress out of our lives sometimes is almost impossible but if you can, try to where you can. In the mean time, try not to "stress" over the memory problems as it's causing you more anxiety/stress which probably won't help either. {hugs}

 

[Hound dog]

Tina

You've been under alot of stress, and your Dad passing away has compounded it. Now you're grieving along with the stress. It's no small wonder that you're having panic attacks.

I know because I do the same thing. And it's awful.

If you don't want to up your medications to keep your mind clear you're going to have to teach yourself to talk yourself through these panic attacks. Not at all easy at first, I know. But it can be done.

I refuse to take anxiety medications because I can't think on them. And I have to think, remember, and be able to concentrate in school. So I've been having to do ALOT of talking myself out of a panic attack. Once I recognize that's what's happening, I tell myself that is what it is. That it will pass. And I focus on calming myself down. Sometimes I'm repeating it over and over for up to 20 mins. for some of the worse ones, but it does work with practice. My psychiatrist helped get me started on learning how to deal with them without medications.

Do you have a psychiatrist or therapist that can offer you some techniques to use so you won't have to increase your medications? It's worth a shot.

((hugs))

 

[Suz]

Everyone is right, of course. Life is not for the faint of heart, that's for sure.

I've lived with anxiety problems since my mid-20's. Loss and grieving make it worse. Real life day to day stresses can exascerbate it. Heck, eating poorly can have you confusing a blood sugar drop for a panic attack since the symptoms are so similar.

Breathe in through your nose slowly, and exhale slowly through your mouth. It will prevent you from hyperventilating and will force you to slow down.

Eat right. Little or no caffeine. Protein. Carry snacks with you to keep your blood sugar levels stable.

I take a tiny bit of klonopin to take the edge off on my bad days. I'm lucky because a tiny bit does the trick without making me foggy....actually, it makes me sharper because if I didn't take it I'd be so anxious I'd be foggy. Make sense?

Exercise to burn off steam.

Those are some of my tricks.

Tinamarie, I'm sorry for the recent loss of your father. It's a tremendous blow.

Hugs,
Suz

 

[Abbey]

First of all, so sorry for the loss of your father. It's something I haven't experienced and don't want to. Cyber hugs.

My relatively recent adventure with panic attacks is much what Suz said. You have to force yourself to know it's going to end, and it does. I pace. I pace through wherever I am at 100mph. If I sit, it gets worse. I guess that's how I get my excercise!

Hugs to you again.

Abbey

 

[tinamarie1]

Thank you guys for the sweet comments about my dad. That is my other thing, i have never had anything like this happen. He was sick for about 3 years so we knew this day was coming. I don't know how to grieve. Is there a right or wrong way? Some days I feel so completely up and happy and other days I just feel like crying and staying in bed. I am so self consious about how other people view me, do they think that I didn't care about my dads passing if they see me being happy? I feel like there is still that "break down" moment waiting to happen where i just cry hysterically over him being gone. And I am a little afraid that fathers day may be when that happens. I need to have a plan.
husband has had to take me to the hospital a few times when I have hyperventilated. It was the scariest thing in the world. I thought I was having a heart attack, my hands and feet went numb.

 

[Suz]

First of all, there is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve. Unfortunately, I've had many losses, under many different circumstances. Once the shock of the death is over...grieving is grieving. Give yourself permission to grieve your Dad. Don't stifle it. If you stuff it down, I promise you it will backfire on you longterm.

My Mom was sick for years, too. It still didn't stop the scary-painful-basic- sheer-animal- sound- moan escaping out of me when I was told she died. I grieved her terribly and still, many years later, miss her every day.

You will have up days and down days. And you will have days when you are up one minute and down the next. You will be going along just fine one minute, then you'll look in the car in front of you and will see someone who looks like your Dad....or you'll overhear a conversation and someone with a voice similar to your Dad's will trigger your pain again.

Grieving is really the most bizarre experience. And don't let anyone tell you you should be "over it" either. sheesh- if they say that it's because they've never felt the pain themselves.

Tinamarie- your Dad would want you to smile and feel joy again. It takes nothing away from how much you loved him when you feel those moments of peace.

Hugs,
Suz

 

[Abbey]

Tina,

There is a REALLY good book to read about the grief process called "On Death and Dying" by Elizabeth Kubler Roth or Ross...can't remember. (I know I probably misspelled that.) It's about the 5 stages of grieving...depression obviously being one of them. I'm sure every library has a copy of it.

Take care, hon.

Abbey

 

[susiestar]

I am so very sorry for the death of your Dad. Please allow yourself to grieve in whatever way works for you. Many funeral homes have grief support groups. Hospitals also offer them, and will know where to find one. Please let yourself try this to help comfort you.

The book Abbey mentioned is excellent. A teacher gave it to me in jr high after I lost my Grandpa. It really helped. I have turned to it again several times over the years. It helps each time.

Panic attacks are scary. Medication can help, so can other things. Please talk to your doctor or therapist - maybe even print out what you wrote to us??

I am sending hugs and prayers,

Susie

 

[TerryJ2]

TinaMarie, I am so sorry about your dad. I know how you feel about knowing that the day is coming but when it happens, it's so weird. Frankly, I think your reactions sound pretty normal. You've got a boatload of issues and I agree with-others here, that stress can cause forgetfulness. Are you getting any sleep?
I'm glad you're tweaking your medications. Keep an eye on it.
And maybe have your friends drive you around a bit. I remember when my mom died, the funeral director took our hands b4 we left, and I thought he was going to pray or something weird, but he just said, this is a time of great stress. You're going to be at an increased risk for losing your car keys, forgetting to return calls, and getting into car accidents. Take things slowly and pay extra attention to everthing you do.
I thought that was awesome. So I'm passing it on to you. It was, in its own way, a sort of prayer.

 

[Marguerite]

I think Loth has hit it on the head - post traumatic stress. It can be aggravated if the stress factors are complex especially if they get caught up with any other unresolved stress issues. In my case it was natural disaster mingled with difficult child 3's badly mishandled birth, all connecting back with every other time in my life where I needed help or to be heard, and I was left to cope on my own. I still hadn't resolved my father's death, plus my mother was extremely ill and too unwell to visit, even though she was driven right past the door of the hospital we were in, on the way to the airport (she was down in Sydney to see doctors). I knew intellectually she really was too frail to visit but a big part of me resented that; and then felt guilty for resenting it. Then each day we had to travel 'outside', we had to drive through 30 km of utter devastation, the ashen moonscape our environment had become.

For ages after that, it didn't take much for an anxiety attack to hit. Footage of fires, especially big ones; images of childbirth; even having to enter a hospital just to visit someone.

It is true that there is no right or wrong way to grieve, but one very wrong way is to not allow yourself to grieve, to feel as if SOMEONE has to get on with practical things. If you fall into that trap, you will be denying yourself the need to get your own mind, feelings and thoughts in order.
You need, above all else, to acknowledge that you are seriously stressed right now and it's not going to be a quick fix. You have to keep telling yourself, you are entitled to feel this way. Allow yourself to feel it. How do you grieve for your father? I really don't know. I've only had to do it once. And yes, if he was ill for a long time then you do begin the grieving process early. That is good, it is healthy. But you need to continue. All feelings around your memories of him need to be brought out, examined, identified and resolved (where possible). Where resolution isn't possible you need to work towards acceptance. We all do this in our own ways and in our own time. But right now, no matter how much you try and avoid it, your mind is busy with this process. That is why it has so few resources available for things like remembering where the car keys are, or where that bollard is that you just backed into. Therefore, you need to lighten your load to avoid mishaps.

If your child is studying for a major exam, or working on a PhD thesis, you let them off chores a bit, you relax the rules to give them plenty of space. But in your own way, you are working on a thesis too. You need to reduce your workload for a time in other areas, so you can better focus on the task at hand and get it out of the way. Of course you can still write a PhD thesis and keep house, and look after kids, and work a full-time day, but you won't do as good a job with the thesis and it will take you longer. But if you take time out from other responsibilities, you will get the job dome much more quickly and with fewer mistakes.

And the book - the author is definitely Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.

I'm sorry to hear about your father. You went through three years of his failing health, so try to remember him before this happened. Remember the good times, the fun, the words of wisdom.

It is a difficult time for anybody. The cyclone wouldn't have helped matters at all, I suspect it's also contributed. But the sooner you can process it all, or at least begin to process it all, the sooner you'll be back on track.

Marg