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I don't like my difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 78629" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Nancy, </p><p></p><p>Hugs for your pain. Margurite certainly had many sound things to say in regard to your post. I agree. I would also like to add a thought based on your observances of your daughter. </p><p></p><p>I'm bringing this to the table not for the darkside version but so that it may help you. I know it helped me allow myself to let a lot of hurtful things go regarding my difficult child and my former marriage. </p><p></p><p>There ARE people born into this world that are just mean and evil. My ex would be one of the evil people. There was never any remorse, never any kindness to me or anyone else without it being a benefit to him. He was manipulative, cold, calculating and just evil. People like this do exist. We can't change them. Do you think your daughter is like this or is she able to be kind and nice to others without it being a benefit to her; but just not kind and nice to you? </p><p></p><p>My son is a budding psychopath. THAT was a hard earful to hear. And while he has the characteristics of being a true psychopath he's not mean or cruel to me all the time. Some days he can be nice without a reason. This is what I have to hang on to in hopes that he isn't genetically linked to biodad and becomes a sociopath. Read up on psychopaths it's not what everyone thinks. Some are actually very functional. My therapist told me there are many political people, doctors, law makers that are. If what I described isn't your daughter then I would tell you and agree that it's your self esteem that needs a polish. If it is, then get your hand on as much literature as you can, read and find a good therapist to learn how to detach and walk away feeling good about you. </p><p></p><p>You're a great lady. You've always been here for me offering kind words, and encouragement. I appreciated it more than you'll know. So please don't take this as an over the internet diagnosis. It's just some of what you said about her, rang bells with my own therapy. I hope it's the latter and not the former. </p><p></p><p>Also remember if ugly words come out of a mouth, they had to come from ugly insides. IF that's what she feels inside you can't fix it. Only she can be responsible for herself and her actions. In the mean time I'd get a good therapist for myself and learn how to not let her words pierce my heart. It helped me in knowing that while I didn't like my son, I did love him; but I don't give him permission to walk on me and say whatever he likes and get away with it. I used to have a snappy comeback for difficult child. Now I just walk away in silence. My silence speaks volumes if to no one else other than myself. </p><p></p><p>Hugs for you</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 78629, member: 4964"] Nancy, Hugs for your pain. Margurite certainly had many sound things to say in regard to your post. I agree. I would also like to add a thought based on your observances of your daughter. I'm bringing this to the table not for the darkside version but so that it may help you. I know it helped me allow myself to let a lot of hurtful things go regarding my difficult child and my former marriage. There ARE people born into this world that are just mean and evil. My ex would be one of the evil people. There was never any remorse, never any kindness to me or anyone else without it being a benefit to him. He was manipulative, cold, calculating and just evil. People like this do exist. We can't change them. Do you think your daughter is like this or is she able to be kind and nice to others without it being a benefit to her; but just not kind and nice to you? My son is a budding psychopath. THAT was a hard earful to hear. And while he has the characteristics of being a true psychopath he's not mean or cruel to me all the time. Some days he can be nice without a reason. This is what I have to hang on to in hopes that he isn't genetically linked to biodad and becomes a sociopath. Read up on psychopaths it's not what everyone thinks. Some are actually very functional. My therapist told me there are many political people, doctors, law makers that are. If what I described isn't your daughter then I would tell you and agree that it's your self esteem that needs a polish. If it is, then get your hand on as much literature as you can, read and find a good therapist to learn how to detach and walk away feeling good about you. You're a great lady. You've always been here for me offering kind words, and encouragement. I appreciated it more than you'll know. So please don't take this as an over the internet diagnosis. It's just some of what you said about her, rang bells with my own therapy. I hope it's the latter and not the former. Also remember if ugly words come out of a mouth, they had to come from ugly insides. IF that's what she feels inside you can't fix it. Only she can be responsible for herself and her actions. In the mean time I'd get a good therapist for myself and learn how to not let her words pierce my heart. It helped me in knowing that while I didn't like my son, I did love him; but I don't give him permission to walk on me and say whatever he likes and get away with it. I used to have a snappy comeback for difficult child. Now I just walk away in silence. My silence speaks volumes if to no one else other than myself. Hugs for you Star [/QUOTE]
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