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I don't wanna do this anymore
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 619856" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Com---I am so sorry. I can hear how crushed you are and I so understand. </p><p></p><p>As you well know, relapse is a part of the disease, and all alcoholics and drug addicts are going to relapse. That doesn't help your unique and specific situation, but it is good to know that your son is just doing what the disease dictates.</p><p></p><p>I remember hearing one time: my disease is sitting in the back seat and I'm in the front seat. He is always there, waiting. </p><p></p><p>Sunday, at an Al-Anon meeting, I heard one member say that she had listened to a morning news program and a recovering drug addict was talking---he has been sober for 20 years, he said but his disease was getting worse. It is a disease of the physical, the mental and the spiritual. </p><p></p><p>It's hard for us to comprehend this, this living with a monster that is always there. Until we realize we live with a monster---the monster of enabling, He is always there, and we are always working hard to keep him at bay. </p><p></p><p>It's the same thing. </p><p></p><p>That is why help is so essential and so necessary. We just can't do this alone. They just can't do this alone. It takes a lot of help and then a concerted effort, every day of their lives. Every day of our lives.</p><p></p><p>And it takes a Higher Power. Who else can bear this burden? We can't. We have to turn it over, turn it over, turn it over. Again and again and again, asking Someone stronger than we are to hold us, to encircle us, to take this crushing weight from us. </p><p></p><p>This is such hard work. I don't know why this disease IS. The only redeeming quality I see is that it teaches me every day just how much I need help and cannot rely on myself. I am not an island. I need help, I need other people, I need my Higher Power (God for me). Once I admit that need, I break wide open, and I am connected again, not trying to do it all by myself.</p><p></p><p>We have met our match in this disease. We, who can do so much and who are so strong in other areas of our lives. </p><p></p><p>If your son is willing, that is the key. If he is willing to turn, and walk in a new direction, there is so much help that will come alongside him. My son doesn't want that help. It sounds like your son does, and is trying. Now, if he chooses, he can get back up off the floor again and try again. </p><p></p><p>You are so disappointed and sad and afraid right now. It is such a letdown, when your hopes were so high. I know, I really do know. Let those feelings come. Don't fight them---just let them come. </p><p></p><p>Please feel hugs and love and compassion for your hurting heart and soul from me. Please know there is help here, and elsewhere, and through it all, if we can keep moving forward, some days just an inch or two, some days a standstill, and some days taking big strides, we will be better. We will feel better and we will move toward peace, joy and serenity. </p><p></p><p>If you don't already have this practice and this tool, please look for an Al-Anon meeting and just go and sit there. There is a palpable warmth in the silence and in the familiar routines and reciting of the Steps. Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol (and drugs) and that our lives had become unmanageable. </p><p></p><p>We need all the tools we can get and find and use in our toolbox. </p><p></p><p>That first step is such a relief, if we can take it. Our hands are wide open, palms up, giving it up again. </p><p></p><p>Blessings and peace I wish you today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 619856, member: 17542"] Com---I am so sorry. I can hear how crushed you are and I so understand. As you well know, relapse is a part of the disease, and all alcoholics and drug addicts are going to relapse. That doesn't help your unique and specific situation, but it is good to know that your son is just doing what the disease dictates. I remember hearing one time: my disease is sitting in the back seat and I'm in the front seat. He is always there, waiting. Sunday, at an Al-Anon meeting, I heard one member say that she had listened to a morning news program and a recovering drug addict was talking---he has been sober for 20 years, he said but his disease was getting worse. It is a disease of the physical, the mental and the spiritual. It's hard for us to comprehend this, this living with a monster that is always there. Until we realize we live with a monster---the monster of enabling, He is always there, and we are always working hard to keep him at bay. It's the same thing. That is why help is so essential and so necessary. We just can't do this alone. They just can't do this alone. It takes a lot of help and then a concerted effort, every day of their lives. Every day of our lives. And it takes a Higher Power. Who else can bear this burden? We can't. We have to turn it over, turn it over, turn it over. Again and again and again, asking Someone stronger than we are to hold us, to encircle us, to take this crushing weight from us. This is such hard work. I don't know why this disease IS. The only redeeming quality I see is that it teaches me every day just how much I need help and cannot rely on myself. I am not an island. I need help, I need other people, I need my Higher Power (God for me). Once I admit that need, I break wide open, and I am connected again, not trying to do it all by myself. We have met our match in this disease. We, who can do so much and who are so strong in other areas of our lives. If your son is willing, that is the key. If he is willing to turn, and walk in a new direction, there is so much help that will come alongside him. My son doesn't want that help. It sounds like your son does, and is trying. Now, if he chooses, he can get back up off the floor again and try again. You are so disappointed and sad and afraid right now. It is such a letdown, when your hopes were so high. I know, I really do know. Let those feelings come. Don't fight them---just let them come. Please feel hugs and love and compassion for your hurting heart and soul from me. Please know there is help here, and elsewhere, and through it all, if we can keep moving forward, some days just an inch or two, some days a standstill, and some days taking big strides, we will be better. We will feel better and we will move toward peace, joy and serenity. If you don't already have this practice and this tool, please look for an Al-Anon meeting and just go and sit there. There is a palpable warmth in the silence and in the familiar routines and reciting of the Steps. Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol (and drugs) and that our lives had become unmanageable. We need all the tools we can get and find and use in our toolbox. That first step is such a relief, if we can take it. Our hands are wide open, palms up, giving it up again. Blessings and peace I wish you today. [/QUOTE]
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