I don't wanna play anymore!

[navineja]

Can I take my bat and ball and go home now? Oh, phooey, that's right- I am home!
If it isn't one, it's the other. We finally got N cooperating with homework and she is managing her temper excellently, but now J has decided this week that she does not want to do homework. Oh yippee!
I am so over all this junk and am so tired of the whole "game". It is just really wearing on me and husband. Today was completely awful for all of us and I just want it to stop, but I know that it won't anytime soon. I think that the hardest part is that, as much as we love the girls, we never planned on kids and at times resent how they, or rather their behaviors and issues, control so much of our lives. Taking the twins was only supposed to be a 3 month thing and that was 3 and a half years ago. husband is almost 60 and we should be enjoying the later years in peace. We love the good times and the love that we share with the girls, but sometimes the bad just overshadows the good.
I also feel so selfish, because I know that they need what we can give them and then I feel guilty for resenting the situation. I also know that most of you have kids with such greater issues and you all deal with it so well, so what is wrong with me that these comparatively little things make me insane and/or exhausted?
Thanks for listening and letting me vent. I do find great comfort in knowing that all of you understand, even if no one that I know face-to-face does.

 

[slsh]

From a mom who absolutely positively *doesn't* deal with anything well when it comes to difficult child behaviors - I think it's only normal to resent the heck out of how our kids can (hmmm, didn't realize this was a censored word.... okay....) rapidly and forcefully inhale the air right out of the room. A moment here and there of self-pity I think keeps us a bit more grounded. It's really not supposed to be *this* hard, is it? I also used to feel horribly guilty for yearning for just a few moments' peace, just every once in a while. I think it's okay to want that... just don't expect it's actually going to happen, you know?

on the other hand - beware. If J and N ever get in sync and have good days together, chances are you're going to be an even bigger wreck because you'll be waiting for that anvil (think Roadrunner) to fall out of the sky to flatten you. It's been 8 years since my son lived at home and to this day, I swear the good days were harder on me than the bad. I knew what to do with the bad ones - the good ones were just completely foreign.

You may think you're dealing with comparatively small things, but I don't think it's fair to compare at all. Challenging behaviors are challenging, period.

Any chance you and husband can sneak in a date night? Even if it's at home, after the girls are in bed - just something out of the ordinary and special for the two of you as people, not parents. For my husband and me, even a couple of card games or cribbage or backgammon can be incredibly refreshing. We only have 2 rules - no cheating and no talking about kids.

Hang in there!!

 

[daralex]

I don't wanna play anymore either! I can't imagine spending what you thought were going to be the best years dealing with this. (sounds rotten but I'm so glad I had just the one and had the"equipment" removed!) Kudos to you for hanging in ther, but I agree - take a date night to rejuvinate! Lord knows you need it/deserve it! I think we all get regretfull/tired and feel like one more day will be the death of us! You are doing a great thing and it will be rewarded in the end but hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel! Hard days **** and good days make you weary - no win situation! Just try to remember that you are making a difference in the lives of others! Have a date night, love each other daily and keep fighting the fight.
-Dara