Hello there,
I come and drop some pieces of news. Finally, I managed to get some rest ! I desperately needed and still need it.
A lot to say.
First, the administrative medical exam for my father's driving licence made mess at the beginning, but everything settled back.
He could understand over the time that drinking before driving is not acceptable.
My daddy recognizes to have all the ADHD symptoms. Like father, like daughter : without my Ritalin, I look like drunk even without drinking. My daddy is the same, so if he drinks even a glass of wine with a meal, it is worse.
After numerous talks about this matter, mommy came to understand that I do it because I cannot let him drink before driving and let him kill himself/my stepbrother or getting seriously injured. It was hard for her to understand, but she understood that I did it because in the deep end, I love my father and it was the best service I could make him. I would like to say that I love him more than I love myself.
I didn't want to involve Social Services in such a situation. It would had been worse than the initial problem. It would had led to court, lawyers, and more mess than it was already.
What I wanted is letting him deal with his drunk driving consequences without involving my stepbrother. My stepbrother does not have to legally deal with our father's drunk driving. Daddy is old enough to deal with the consequences alone, I don't need to put my stepbrother inside. My stepbrother, who will be 8 yo in four days, is too young to deal with such a pressure of going to court. Involving Social Services because of daddy's drunk driving would had been terribly unfair for my stepbrother because he would be involved in such a big mess that he would be uselessly hurt. I don't think that involving the court and hurting my brother would had helped anyone, and not even my father.
I say that he does not have a "perfect family", but he has a loving family and a father willing to change because he loves him dearly. Who has a perfect family, anyway ?
The administrative medical exam for driving license does not need to involve any court. It is merely administrative. So I and he didn't need a lawyer, I didn't need to involve anyone else but my father and let him deal with his problem.
It seems enabling for some of you. I assure you that it is not enabling. Because daddy faces the consequences of his drunk driving at this (administrative) medical exam. He needs to be careful with what he does. He faces doctors and their questions. He has to deal with his choice and understands that he is given another chance if he stops drunk driving before being involved in front of a court and more problems.
If I didn't do nothing at all, then, yes I would had enabled him and his drunk driving.
I preferred taking an administrative road instead of a judicial road because it does not involve anyone else but my father. In the administrative path, he deals alone with the consequences of his actions. If I took a judicial path, I would had to involve my stepbrother, and my nearly 8 yo stepbrother does not absolutely need it.
For me, it is a way to prioritize the issues and actions.
Now, daddy perfectly understands that he cannot drink before driving at all, not even if it is within the legal limit, because his health does not permit it, and because he has three children (my sister and I + my stepbrother) he loves and who loves him. And if he wants to stay with his loves ones, he has to keep himself healthy to be happy.
He started back to photography. He is very skilled at photography, he did it a lot when I was a baby, many years ago. Like me, he has always been fascinated with computers, mobile phones, technology... Computers, mobile phones, technology... ? We can say "like father, like daughter".
He thought that having a like-him daughter with the same struggles was a shame. He understood that no, he does not have to be ashamed. That being in need for medical care is not a shame, it is absolutely not a four-letter-word.
It is not because I didn't take the most mainstream path that it is "worthless". It is something else, another way to see the world.
At the same time, the fight to make a law change is following its path.
A MD specialist of narcolepsy will make propositions for making this law change happen after summer time. With the president and government's changes, the French association of narcoleptic patients and I needed to restart from zero. It was quite exhausting, I know.
But the MD specialist of narcolepsy knows quite well the association's president (actually, they are in the same family. The MD is married with the president's daughter), and he is happy to help us. He has been chosen by the new government for issuing propositions to reform the medical exam for driving license, and the law the association and I want to make change is part of such a reform.
The reform is quite complicated, so I won't launch a technical explanation in English because it is above my abilities, at least now.
However, the key point is that it is going ahead and the law will change for sure.
Also, we are waiting the university's answer for my getting back to studies.
I will study by correspondence. I know it is not the kind of socializing most would expect, but the problem is the combo of ADHD + Single Sided Deafness (I remind that my SSD is sensorineural, due to a damage in the inner ear. It leads to auditory processing impairment in the background noise, but the cause is due to a stone deaf ear and can partially be corrected with a BAHA hearing aid. My ENT doctor and psychiatrist explained me that Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) would mean a processing disorder in the brain without hearing impairment, which is not what I have since I have a hearing impairment we can see on the tonal audiogram. So the main diagnosis is Single Sided Deafness combined with ADHD).
A freshly graduated lawyer will help me and she is already happy to help me. She is happy with the results I got and get with the fight to make a law change.
We are currently in the paperwork for my worker disability claim (I am entitled to such a recognizing because I have a sensorial and cognitive impairment which are both durable and limit me for studying and find a job). We need to run tests to support my claim like IQ test, but finding a center who test adults is like finding a needle in the haystack. In the private, it is extremely expensive and not easily refunded from Social Security.
Mommy is happy I could make so much alone. My uncle (mom's brother) could not believe it either because he didn't easily understand how to do a disability claim (he is a doctor specialized in geriatric, I have only my Bac...).
About mommy, she finally could find a job in the media field (she is a journalist). Two jobs actually. She is very happy of these two jobs because they are both very interesting and both are well paid.
She is able to see what is lobbying.
She is always reluctant to pat in the back until the project is completely done. I replied to her that it helps keeping the spirits up because in such daunting projects (launching a magazine and a website she does and fighting to make a law change like I do), it is very easily to discourage ourselves. It made completely sense to her.
I could see how discouraged she can be when she launches such a project. So yeah, it cannot harm her to pat in the back when intermediary steps are completed.
Do we live in a civilized household ? We can say that, yes. Do we have our verbal arguments ? Sometimes, but neither more nor less than whoever else. Do we have mommy and daughter moments ? Absolutely.
What does she say about my money management ? What my bank says, ie nothing to reproach me of. Maybe too reasonable with managing money, but never mind.
Sister finishes her master in communication at December this year. Then, she will be able to get a job and being independent.
Mom says that "sister can have a job and be independent earlier than me, so what ?". She always adds that my sister does not have my health problems and the related difficulties, and it does not diminishes my value if I am independent later. She continues telling that she does not have my Single Sided Deafness, she does not have my ADHD. She does her own road, I do my own and that's okay. Sister is sister, I am what I am.
She still emphases the "do your best first and foremost. No matter the results". She knows me too well that I never do half and always beat myself up like heck each time I fail.
My sister has a boyfriend, Latin and Ancient Greek teacher (I know I studied Modern Greek, but never mind because we find a road. Modern Greek derives from Ancient Greek...). They will get back in Québec, Canada, at September.
After, they don't know. My sister wants to give a doctorate in communication and work in the research field.
I am happy for her because as mom says, she makes her own road while being healthy and happy. She is my sister, and that's all.
Now, I am followed in a sleep center. In a sleep center, a psychiatrist makes the hospital prescription.
We switched to all fast-acting Ritalin (20mg/day, half a tablet of 10mg four times a day after eating) instead of Concerta 18 because it permits me more flexibility. Like going to the theater or having lunch with a friend.
The thing is that I respond to a very low dose even if ADHD is severe. If I take more than 20mg/day of methylphenidate, it is too much for what my own body can handle and such a low dose is enough to control my ADHD.
My GP swears that I need pediatric doses with many medicines, and she is completely right (despite I am 26 years old) !!
In the mean time, my ENT doctor suspects that the Single Sided Deafness + ADHD could be a rare disease, probably genetic. With 5 other cases of deafness, other family members with what looks like ADHD (despite never being diagnosed), other members of my family with the same inner ear malformation, blood group incompatibility between mom and I at birth, IUGR... ENT doctor does strongly swear about a rare disease, probably genetic. He was very careful about an in utero CMV, and he was right because my medical file says that I didn't absolutely have it. For him, it may be a new illness that had not been yet described in the medical literature. Let be careful first. But no matter what the answer is, it can only help bringing some clarity.
In the mean time, I have to gather all the members of family's medical files to bring them to the ENT doctor specialist of deafness with cognitive impairment. Everyone agree with providing me their medical file. The only problem is logistic matters, like the hospital who cared my mom's cousin closed their services and had to transfer the medical files elsewhere. So yes, it takes more time than it should, the most important is arriving at the point. Like says the Harse and the Turtoise, "To run is nothing ; we must timely start".
Take care
I come and drop some pieces of news. Finally, I managed to get some rest ! I desperately needed and still need it.
A lot to say.
First, the administrative medical exam for my father's driving licence made mess at the beginning, but everything settled back.
He could understand over the time that drinking before driving is not acceptable.
My daddy recognizes to have all the ADHD symptoms. Like father, like daughter : without my Ritalin, I look like drunk even without drinking. My daddy is the same, so if he drinks even a glass of wine with a meal, it is worse.
After numerous talks about this matter, mommy came to understand that I do it because I cannot let him drink before driving and let him kill himself/my stepbrother or getting seriously injured. It was hard for her to understand, but she understood that I did it because in the deep end, I love my father and it was the best service I could make him. I would like to say that I love him more than I love myself.
I didn't want to involve Social Services in such a situation. It would had been worse than the initial problem. It would had led to court, lawyers, and more mess than it was already.
What I wanted is letting him deal with his drunk driving consequences without involving my stepbrother. My stepbrother does not have to legally deal with our father's drunk driving. Daddy is old enough to deal with the consequences alone, I don't need to put my stepbrother inside. My stepbrother, who will be 8 yo in four days, is too young to deal with such a pressure of going to court. Involving Social Services because of daddy's drunk driving would had been terribly unfair for my stepbrother because he would be involved in such a big mess that he would be uselessly hurt. I don't think that involving the court and hurting my brother would had helped anyone, and not even my father.
I say that he does not have a "perfect family", but he has a loving family and a father willing to change because he loves him dearly. Who has a perfect family, anyway ?
The administrative medical exam for driving license does not need to involve any court. It is merely administrative. So I and he didn't need a lawyer, I didn't need to involve anyone else but my father and let him deal with his problem.
It seems enabling for some of you. I assure you that it is not enabling. Because daddy faces the consequences of his drunk driving at this (administrative) medical exam. He needs to be careful with what he does. He faces doctors and their questions. He has to deal with his choice and understands that he is given another chance if he stops drunk driving before being involved in front of a court and more problems.
If I didn't do nothing at all, then, yes I would had enabled him and his drunk driving.
I preferred taking an administrative road instead of a judicial road because it does not involve anyone else but my father. In the administrative path, he deals alone with the consequences of his actions. If I took a judicial path, I would had to involve my stepbrother, and my nearly 8 yo stepbrother does not absolutely need it.
For me, it is a way to prioritize the issues and actions.
Now, daddy perfectly understands that he cannot drink before driving at all, not even if it is within the legal limit, because his health does not permit it, and because he has three children (my sister and I + my stepbrother) he loves and who loves him. And if he wants to stay with his loves ones, he has to keep himself healthy to be happy.
He started back to photography. He is very skilled at photography, he did it a lot when I was a baby, many years ago. Like me, he has always been fascinated with computers, mobile phones, technology... Computers, mobile phones, technology... ? We can say "like father, like daughter".
He thought that having a like-him daughter with the same struggles was a shame. He understood that no, he does not have to be ashamed. That being in need for medical care is not a shame, it is absolutely not a four-letter-word.
It is not because I didn't take the most mainstream path that it is "worthless". It is something else, another way to see the world.
At the same time, the fight to make a law change is following its path.
A MD specialist of narcolepsy will make propositions for making this law change happen after summer time. With the president and government's changes, the French association of narcoleptic patients and I needed to restart from zero. It was quite exhausting, I know.
But the MD specialist of narcolepsy knows quite well the association's president (actually, they are in the same family. The MD is married with the president's daughter), and he is happy to help us. He has been chosen by the new government for issuing propositions to reform the medical exam for driving license, and the law the association and I want to make change is part of such a reform.
The reform is quite complicated, so I won't launch a technical explanation in English because it is above my abilities, at least now.
However, the key point is that it is going ahead and the law will change for sure.
Also, we are waiting the university's answer for my getting back to studies.
I will study by correspondence. I know it is not the kind of socializing most would expect, but the problem is the combo of ADHD + Single Sided Deafness (I remind that my SSD is sensorineural, due to a damage in the inner ear. It leads to auditory processing impairment in the background noise, but the cause is due to a stone deaf ear and can partially be corrected with a BAHA hearing aid. My ENT doctor and psychiatrist explained me that Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) would mean a processing disorder in the brain without hearing impairment, which is not what I have since I have a hearing impairment we can see on the tonal audiogram. So the main diagnosis is Single Sided Deafness combined with ADHD).
A freshly graduated lawyer will help me and she is already happy to help me. She is happy with the results I got and get with the fight to make a law change.
We are currently in the paperwork for my worker disability claim (I am entitled to such a recognizing because I have a sensorial and cognitive impairment which are both durable and limit me for studying and find a job). We need to run tests to support my claim like IQ test, but finding a center who test adults is like finding a needle in the haystack. In the private, it is extremely expensive and not easily refunded from Social Security.
Mommy is happy I could make so much alone. My uncle (mom's brother) could not believe it either because he didn't easily understand how to do a disability claim (he is a doctor specialized in geriatric, I have only my Bac...).
About mommy, she finally could find a job in the media field (she is a journalist). Two jobs actually. She is very happy of these two jobs because they are both very interesting and both are well paid.
She is able to see what is lobbying.
She is always reluctant to pat in the back until the project is completely done. I replied to her that it helps keeping the spirits up because in such daunting projects (launching a magazine and a website she does and fighting to make a law change like I do), it is very easily to discourage ourselves. It made completely sense to her.
I could see how discouraged she can be when she launches such a project. So yeah, it cannot harm her to pat in the back when intermediary steps are completed.
Do we live in a civilized household ? We can say that, yes. Do we have our verbal arguments ? Sometimes, but neither more nor less than whoever else. Do we have mommy and daughter moments ? Absolutely.
What does she say about my money management ? What my bank says, ie nothing to reproach me of. Maybe too reasonable with managing money, but never mind.
Sister finishes her master in communication at December this year. Then, she will be able to get a job and being independent.
Mom says that "sister can have a job and be independent earlier than me, so what ?". She always adds that my sister does not have my health problems and the related difficulties, and it does not diminishes my value if I am independent later. She continues telling that she does not have my Single Sided Deafness, she does not have my ADHD. She does her own road, I do my own and that's okay. Sister is sister, I am what I am.
She still emphases the "do your best first and foremost. No matter the results". She knows me too well that I never do half and always beat myself up like heck each time I fail.
My sister has a boyfriend, Latin and Ancient Greek teacher (I know I studied Modern Greek, but never mind because we find a road. Modern Greek derives from Ancient Greek...). They will get back in Québec, Canada, at September.
After, they don't know. My sister wants to give a doctorate in communication and work in the research field.
I am happy for her because as mom says, she makes her own road while being healthy and happy. She is my sister, and that's all.
Now, I am followed in a sleep center. In a sleep center, a psychiatrist makes the hospital prescription.
We switched to all fast-acting Ritalin (20mg/day, half a tablet of 10mg four times a day after eating) instead of Concerta 18 because it permits me more flexibility. Like going to the theater or having lunch with a friend.
The thing is that I respond to a very low dose even if ADHD is severe. If I take more than 20mg/day of methylphenidate, it is too much for what my own body can handle and such a low dose is enough to control my ADHD.
My GP swears that I need pediatric doses with many medicines, and she is completely right (despite I am 26 years old) !!
In the mean time, my ENT doctor suspects that the Single Sided Deafness + ADHD could be a rare disease, probably genetic. With 5 other cases of deafness, other family members with what looks like ADHD (despite never being diagnosed), other members of my family with the same inner ear malformation, blood group incompatibility between mom and I at birth, IUGR... ENT doctor does strongly swear about a rare disease, probably genetic. He was very careful about an in utero CMV, and he was right because my medical file says that I didn't absolutely have it. For him, it may be a new illness that had not been yet described in the medical literature. Let be careful first. But no matter what the answer is, it can only help bringing some clarity.
In the mean time, I have to gather all the members of family's medical files to bring them to the ENT doctor specialist of deafness with cognitive impairment. Everyone agree with providing me their medical file. The only problem is logistic matters, like the hospital who cared my mom's cousin closed their services and had to transfer the medical files elsewhere. So yes, it takes more time than it should, the most important is arriving at the point. Like says the Harse and the Turtoise, "To run is nothing ; we must timely start".
Take care
