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I feel as if I'm at the end of my rope with H now...
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 463897" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>Instead of working, lol, I've been thinking about this issue. I've analyzed it a bit because I have a daughter in law whom I don't like. Truth be told none of us liked her when they were dating, hoped they wouldn't get married, and our opinion has not changed in twentyfive years. She is not a horrible person. She is not an evil person. She is very territorial and although we have all tried (and still are consistently polite,by the way) her pesonality just does not jive with anyone in our rather large family. That's just the way it is.</p><p></p><p>My easy child son used to be a delightful family member. Yes, he and I have always had a strong bond. He and husband and the siblings always enjoyed each other's company. When his wife is present we kinda get the impression that she sees us usurping her primary role. Lord knows we try to be inclusive.</p><p></p><p>The point of this long post is this. If, particularly as a senior citizen, I had to be informed of something sad, frightening or disappointing I would want my son to be the one telling me the news. If I believed his wife was behind the news...I would not accept it. SO if he said "wife and I have discussed this and we don't believe sharing a home is a good idea"...I would immediately think that his wife was the mastermind. on the other hand if he said sincerely "Mom I have rethinking the idea of sharing a home and I honestly don't think it would be a good choice for you. You need to have activity and friends available so you can enjoy your life. It was a bit selfish of me to suggest or agree to combining households. Of course I want to see you often because I love you but after so many years living separate lives I think it is best we be near each other but not in the same house."</p><p></p><p>IF your husband could understand the importance of him sharing his feelings with his Mom...maybe she would see that it was an ill convieved idea. on the other hand if your husband doesn't really believe that the plan is not in her best interests or your interests as a couple then I don't see it happening. Like your mother in law I "know" when my son is telling the truth. He could convince me. I hope your husband can do it. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 463897, member: 35"] Instead of working, lol, I've been thinking about this issue. I've analyzed it a bit because I have a daughter in law whom I don't like. Truth be told none of us liked her when they were dating, hoped they wouldn't get married, and our opinion has not changed in twentyfive years. She is not a horrible person. She is not an evil person. She is very territorial and although we have all tried (and still are consistently polite,by the way) her pesonality just does not jive with anyone in our rather large family. That's just the way it is. My easy child son used to be a delightful family member. Yes, he and I have always had a strong bond. He and husband and the siblings always enjoyed each other's company. When his wife is present we kinda get the impression that she sees us usurping her primary role. Lord knows we try to be inclusive. The point of this long post is this. If, particularly as a senior citizen, I had to be informed of something sad, frightening or disappointing I would want my son to be the one telling me the news. If I believed his wife was behind the news...I would not accept it. SO if he said "wife and I have discussed this and we don't believe sharing a home is a good idea"...I would immediately think that his wife was the mastermind. on the other hand if he said sincerely "Mom I have rethinking the idea of sharing a home and I honestly don't think it would be a good choice for you. You need to have activity and friends available so you can enjoy your life. It was a bit selfish of me to suggest or agree to combining households. Of course I want to see you often because I love you but after so many years living separate lives I think it is best we be near each other but not in the same house." IF your husband could understand the importance of him sharing his feelings with his Mom...maybe she would see that it was an ill convieved idea. on the other hand if your husband doesn't really believe that the plan is not in her best interests or your interests as a couple then I don't see it happening. Like your mother in law I "know" when my son is telling the truth. He could convince me. I hope your husband can do it. DDD [/QUOTE]
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I feel as if I'm at the end of my rope with H now...
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