I feel like I'm going to collapse

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by crystaldawn21157, Jun 7, 2015.

  1. crystaldawn21157

    crystaldawn21157 New Member

    My son is 5yrs old and wavers from being a terror to a extremely loving child. He is aggressive with everyone including adults but he can also be the cuddler. We've been kicked out of 3 day cares. I'm afraid my husband or I will have to leave or jobs. The problem lies mainly in two areas. One is my husband refuses to do anything suggested by the school and behaviorist. Two is we used to be spankers and I now realize we've made it worse. It's so hard to hear the things he's done every time he goes somewhere. Recently he's been taking off his pants around other kids wtf...I just can't handle it.
     
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Hi, and welcome. Glad you found us, sorry you had to.

    Can you tell us more about your son?
    What was he like as a baby and a toddler? How was the pregnancy?
    Was he adopted? if so, at what age, and do you know any history?
    What kinds of evaluations has he had? And by what kind of specialists?
    Any diagnoses?

    School is making suggestions about what to do at HOME? My experience is, school can hardly get the in-school stuff right, so I tend to discount their advice.
    Who is this behaviorist? Is that through the school, or someone independent?
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Wow. Did you adopt your son? Did he have very chaotic early years? Possible abuse of any kind?

    in my opinion a neuropsychological (this is NOT a neurologist...it is a neuro-psychologist and they do indepth testing for everything) evaluation is much better than a behavioral therapist. Our kids mostly don't respond to normal parenting theories, which is what these therapists want us to use. They don't help most of us.

    You do not have a "bad" child. Something is differently wired about him and you need to find the cause so you can help him.

    DO NOT SPANK HIM. EVER.

    Sorry you are having a hard time and hope you find help.
     
  4. crystaldawn21157

    crystaldawn21157 New Member

    Thank you for responding.
    1. He is not adopted
    2. The pregnancy was great very easy actually
    3. We had a two year period where we lived with my inlaws. Everyone gave him free reign but me. Had I been able to move I would have.
    4. He had a pretty bad experience at a daycare where he was yelled at often and everyone of the instructors screamed and were pretty ghetto to be honest.

    He has only been seen by the behaviorist at his school. His physician says it's too early to start testing for things.
     
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Excuse me while I pull out my hair for you.
    Too EARLY?
    What about this concept called "early intervention"?
    Letting things drag out is not to anybody's advantage (with a couple of minor exceptions - where the testing requires a certain level of mental capacity)

    Has he always behaved this way? Or did it start/get worse at some point?
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Is it possible he was sexually abused? I'm thinking about pulling down his pants. And your in-laws house. I don't know who else lived there or if lots of people came and went.

    The earlier you start interventions and diagnostic testing the better his prognosis. I would fire your pediatrician and find one who is better informed on childhood disorders. I certainly would not leave it strictly to the schools to try to help. Most of the time they aren't helpful and often they start to label your child as simply "bad" or "defiant" when actually something is wrong.
    Most kids do not pull down their pants in school. Something is going on. Take him for a neuropsychologist evaluation. The longer the wait, the worse it gets.
     
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    It can also happen at a daycare, or with a babysitter... unfortunately, when they are so young, there is no way for them to tell you.
     
  8. crystaldawn21157

    crystaldawn21157 New Member

    I have had that concern but he spoke with a counselor at CPS and they don't believe anything happened. They think it's more attention seeking. I just don't know who to go to next.
     
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    A psychologist.
     
  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I agree with SWOT.
    Ideally, a psychologist trained specifically in dealing with sexual abuse of the very young. AND in testing for all sorts of other possibilities.
     
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