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I feel like my life is an Oprah and Dr. Phil episode.
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 403229" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Nancy, what your sister did was very disrespectful. In your home, your rules stand. And to sneak it like that, and encourage others to do the same - it teaches more disrespect. It also sends a message tat you and difficult child are not worth making an effort for.</p><p></p><p>And a question it raises - why was your sister so desperate for a drink, that she had to do this? Is she herself such an addict that she could not respect your wishes in your home, and simply stay dry for a few hours? Her inability to respect your wishes sends a strong message to her family, that beer is more important than family relationships and recovery. The most likely people to behave this way, are people who have a problem with alcohol themselves, and simply cannot bear to leave it alone even for a few hours.</p><p></p><p>My family did this to me some years ago - husband & I booked our church for a weekend, for the family to come and stay. At the time, our church was an alcohol-free-zone. But the tens/young adults got drinking, just off the property. One of my uncles (adult, over 18) bought the grog for them - spirits, mostly - thus circumventing the law (and breaking it). They knew they were breaking the law as well as the rules of the place, but the alcohol was more important to them than doing the decent thing. My nephews, one only 16, were falling-down drunk and vomiting everywhere. There were empty bottles lying around, and one of my sisters & I were up at dawn scouring along the beach outside, and the gardens, cleaning up. We filled a huge bin with empty bottles, cleaned up broken glass, tidied up a bonfire they had tried to light on the beach (with toxic oleander - maybe I should have let them!) and spent several hours making the place presentable for church. My family did not stay for church - they went for a boat ride instead. I was not happy with them and won't have them back in the place, although they were there for difficult child 1's wedding. But none stayed overnight. I know who the problem people are. And tey know I know. But their attitude is one of arrogant brashness, of defiant chin-raise and "you can't tell me what to do."</p><p></p><p>It all tells me that someone who is prepared to do that, especially to family, is someone for whom the bottle is more important than doing the honest, respectable thing.</p><p></p><p>My eldest brother and about half my sisters were not involved in this behaviour, but some of them helped connive at it. There are two main culprits in my siblings - they are twins, and their families are the ones with the worst drinking problems. And to go along with it, the worst social problems. The other twins in the family are not a problem like this, so it's nothing to do with simply being so close. It's purely bad behaviour.</p><p></p><p>Over time, you learn who you can trust. I deal with it by not allowing such a situation to occur again. If I know they can't leave the bottle alone, and I especially need them to, then I won't invite them. And I tell them why. They think I'm a humourless wowser, but at least I know I don't have to deal with the crud their behaviour leads to.</p><p></p><p>Mind you, they have eased back a lot over the years. Not enough for my liking. I love my family, but some of them I tend to only be around in small doses. That way we can enjoy a few hours' together time, but leave before we get on each other's nerves!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 403229, member: 1991"] Nancy, what your sister did was very disrespectful. In your home, your rules stand. And to sneak it like that, and encourage others to do the same - it teaches more disrespect. It also sends a message tat you and difficult child are not worth making an effort for. And a question it raises - why was your sister so desperate for a drink, that she had to do this? Is she herself such an addict that she could not respect your wishes in your home, and simply stay dry for a few hours? Her inability to respect your wishes sends a strong message to her family, that beer is more important than family relationships and recovery. The most likely people to behave this way, are people who have a problem with alcohol themselves, and simply cannot bear to leave it alone even for a few hours. My family did this to me some years ago - husband & I booked our church for a weekend, for the family to come and stay. At the time, our church was an alcohol-free-zone. But the tens/young adults got drinking, just off the property. One of my uncles (adult, over 18) bought the grog for them - spirits, mostly - thus circumventing the law (and breaking it). They knew they were breaking the law as well as the rules of the place, but the alcohol was more important to them than doing the decent thing. My nephews, one only 16, were falling-down drunk and vomiting everywhere. There were empty bottles lying around, and one of my sisters & I were up at dawn scouring along the beach outside, and the gardens, cleaning up. We filled a huge bin with empty bottles, cleaned up broken glass, tidied up a bonfire they had tried to light on the beach (with toxic oleander - maybe I should have let them!) and spent several hours making the place presentable for church. My family did not stay for church - they went for a boat ride instead. I was not happy with them and won't have them back in the place, although they were there for difficult child 1's wedding. But none stayed overnight. I know who the problem people are. And tey know I know. But their attitude is one of arrogant brashness, of defiant chin-raise and "you can't tell me what to do." It all tells me that someone who is prepared to do that, especially to family, is someone for whom the bottle is more important than doing the honest, respectable thing. My eldest brother and about half my sisters were not involved in this behaviour, but some of them helped connive at it. There are two main culprits in my siblings - they are twins, and their families are the ones with the worst drinking problems. And to go along with it, the worst social problems. The other twins in the family are not a problem like this, so it's nothing to do with simply being so close. It's purely bad behaviour. Over time, you learn who you can trust. I deal with it by not allowing such a situation to occur again. If I know they can't leave the bottle alone, and I especially need them to, then I won't invite them. And I tell them why. They think I'm a humourless wowser, but at least I know I don't have to deal with the crud their behaviour leads to. Mind you, they have eased back a lot over the years. Not enough for my liking. I love my family, but some of them I tend to only be around in small doses. That way we can enjoy a few hours' together time, but leave before we get on each other's nerves! Marg [/QUOTE]
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I feel like my life is an Oprah and Dr. Phil episode.
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