all good points....... by all!
Shari i totally agree and told husband that i said if we fight it has to be fair, hasn't always been. i said unloading like that because you "stuffed" it al in isn't right obviously. he said he was sorry yet kept it short and sweet. I didnt' push for more at all, let him take it at his pace.
it was crazy i wont' lie, difficult child right away was hysterical she undoes quickly i just hugged her and said listen he's upset right now, just let him be upset. she doesn't outwardly disrespect him, yet yesterday she planted him pretty severely i gotta say when he began to yell.
yet she just kinda tolerates his existance. grunts hello at him etc. he'd never ever do something with-o us that's why i was so shocked as was she when he did that. my stepdaughter said well we had no clue what was going on, just dad kept mumbling to himself and said i should geta divorce! she said did that offend you? lol. i said well sometimes in a marriage ppl get upset, and we are just human beings and don't always use the "right" words either. yet the importance is learning from our mistakes, I've done or rather not done some things and your dad called me on it. not the way i would of liked yet still the same he did. you just just got caught in the mix because dad shoved it in and down so long it came out spilling everywhere.
that's why i always tell you use your words, tell me what's going on, dont be nasty just give me the truth and how your feeling and we'll figure it out. do you want to know what this little girl said to me?? she said well, it's weird because when he was with my Mom she always yelled at him, and he'd slip on occassion yet right away say oh i'm sorry. HMMM......... kinda knew that one. she said my Mom yells all the time that way so i'm used to it. yet i dont' want to be that way, i said good for you.
difficult child and i talked fora while today heading to therapy.... i said i'm not giving him a medal for blowing up, i said yet he had valid points, he doesnt' feel like he's part of our family difficult child. I said he does for all of us, flew to portland for you because he cares and for me, has done otehr things through the years and you dont even say hi to him. if i leave you with him alone you dont' talk to him you walk away. i said mom doesn't always do the right thing to make him feel comfortable and like he's an important part of what we 3 here share. i said things have to change. i said at 11 my door will be closed, i will completely ignore your screaming and yelling and i will just talk to him after he gets in from work. i said 'm allowed that time.
so she said why dont' you want to watch movies with me and share your things with me?? LOL. i said your my daughter, he's my friend. i said a girl your age doesn't belong up at that time of the night, we had our day (all day) and you belong sleeping so the next day you can be rested and have a good day. that's grown up time. i told her i get you aren't used to this, you've never seen this before yet this is what married people do. they go out on occassion to dinner (she used to yell and run after the truck in the driveway most times) if we tried to go out back in the day when he had a free night from the kids. point is she needs adjusting. she said i dont' like him because he's trying to take the place of dad and takes up all your time lol. so i explained that.
you would never know we have lived together for this period of time. it to her is brand new.so yes i will save him dinner tonight, and be smiling when he walks in. this will be hard by the way LOL. i'm done by midnight yet tongiht i'll try, tmrw im sleeping......
we'll see how it goes. if he can be honest and trustworthy i can do this. i can make an effort to do the right thing by him. it's insane eachtime i want to walk something new unravels and shows itself. he kept saying i'm the one being ignored and abused. i was like what are you talking about each time? i said your the one with the short fuse.
than yesterday happened. it's horrible though you kinda feel like your in a chose one or the other situation. we survived his stepdaughter doign this to us, it was horrid what she did. she doesnt' come here anymore because he refused to leave me. so lately he takes her once a mos for lunch just the two of them. if he can do that im guessing i can do this