I feel such sorrow and...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by exhausted, Jan 26, 2012.

  1. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    I am trying to deal with it. Yesterday around 12:00, difficult child left and has not come home as of now (7:12). I couldn't go to work without posting because I am so distraught again. I searched her room as I do in these situations and found a bunch of letters from an inmate at the state prison. We have found letters she has written-but not replies. They are being sent to the home of her friend, whom we thought was one of the "good" ones.There was a picture in the stuff-he is a huge scary, tatooed gang looking and talking guy. He thinks my daughter is going to be his baby when he is out in 11 months. He's been in 4 years-so I don't even know how she knows him.

    I did get to a Families Anon meeting last night-finially found one that is up and running. Large group of wonderful people. One of the people insisted on buying my book. I have never found releif at 12 step meetings-but I think this one may be it. I felt surrounded by love and understanding.

    I am yet at a crossroads. She will be 18 in 8 months-my best friend says we have to send her away again, its our last chance. My husbands says we've done it twice and she doesn't want help so.... And money is an issue.

    She seemed to be doing better-no running, working. Still questions-not perfect. But all the while she was writing this gangster! Even when she was doing EMDR therapy. Again we are snowed. God bless her and grant us peace of mind. I hope she is safe, I have no idea where she is. I have never been lower in my life.
  2. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Oh sweetie, I have no words of wisdom -only many {{{hugs}}} and I am holding your hand across the screen. Be kind to yourself
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    You are at the top of the prayer list today. I have no advice, but certainly am concerned for you and for her.

    I saw dr bald man's show yesterday, had a 17.9 yr girl who was out of control, dad was a police officer, mom and dad were clued in and had restricted everything etc... done it all except jail. Dr. Bald did say they should take the chance and send her to a residential treatment program against her will but of course, the show PAID for it. So, ruining your family finances on a last chance??? I just dont know. Would never judge a decision either way in that situation.

    I pray she returns home safely, and that you find a way to talk about your concerns with her.

    HUGS, Dee
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry exhausted, I can hear the fear in your post. I would be worried sick also, my difficult child has been involved with several pretty scary people while she was using and was writing to one in jail just last year but he was in rehab with her and he wasn't in a gang. I have found many times these relationships are short lived. Is she still in therapy? I would call her therapist and tellt hem what you just found out.

    Families Anonymous is a wonderful group, I'm glad you found one.

  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending very caring hugs your way. I can only imagine how frightened you are and am assuming that wherever she is (like a typical difficult child) she isn't giving a thought to home and family at the moment. I'm crossing fingers that she is safe and sound.

    Fortunately I have no experience with prison correspondence except programs that I have watched on the television. Based on that alone I would not assume that she "knows" this guy at all. Evidently there are many web sites where you can "befriend" an inmate and, gasp!, there are church sponsored groups who consider it part of their ministry to reach out. Sadly I have watched shows where teens decide to do this and it often ends up a problem. I do know for a fact that many prisoners are now capable of reaching out via cell phones (against the rules, of course) and one peer of difficult child's was able to post on Facebook. Ugh. I'm tossing in this info so you'll know that likely this is not an old "friend".

    I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts today. Do update us when you can. We care. DDD
  6. compassion

    compassion Member

    I have been involved in FA online for nearly 3 years :TABW.

    FOr me, acceptance is what I strive for and like you, focusing on what is positve. My difficult child is also attracted to the antisocial,there is a contiunum. Whsat I try to so is not give into the fear and to focus onthe proscial. Today I met a young man she has been hanign wiht recently and I try to focus on the poistve. That is today, the other night I was scraming becasue she hung out at a druggie's vs. goign to her cc orientation. I am tyring to not be jusgment, to stay on hope. That is grat that she is working. FOr my daughter it is babysteps. She started vlunterring for a dog groomer and she is taking 4 credits online.
  7. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest


    Praying for you and for your difficult child.

    So glad the family anon meeting went well. Although I have only been going to mine a few weeks, I feel the support whether or not I am in their company. We all need and deserve that.
  8. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member


    I will keep you and your difficult child in my prayers. Please keep us updated....

  9. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Yesterday I called the prison. I told them about the letters, gave them the inmate number, and was told that his case worker would call me. The person also told me the letters had to stop on his end. She has sent this inmate money as well. I'm trying to decide how to tell the mother of difficult children friend. I would be scared to death if a fellon had my address and thought "his baby" lived there. She is going to be livid!
    And this friend...how could he be so pushed over by difficult child as to allow letters to come to his home?

    I called the last number dialed on our phone and sure enough she was there. A home about 30 miles away that we have forbid her from going to. This girl is 20 and has 2 kids! While she does have a job, her post on FB are filthy and she looks like a druggie and I think she has had been involved in gangs (some of her male friends have the look). difficult child said she was trying to get home but she had no money. We have said that if she goes without permission she gets herself home-this girl has never brough her home. She has used difficult child to babysit (difficult child is very good with kids), but she cant be bothered to get difficult child home. Debating what I should do when I get off work...

    Her EMDR therapist has moved out of state and difficult child won't go back to the center. She did process all her trauma but she still needs help. She tells me she is functioning and is sick of counseling. I think we will push the issue again. We were given a special waiver to see our family therapist through Dec. as she was not on our new insurance plan. So we are without a family therapist. I have met with a few on ournew plan and both are young and I don't feel they are the ones for our family. I will keep searching.
    Thank you for your thoughts and prayer. Just knowing she is alive has helped me-as for the rest, I do not know where or what to do.
  10. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    I am so sorry u have to deal with this. You have my support and shoulder if u need it.

    Lots of love
  11. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Oh the things our difficult children put us through. I too am thinking of you. I think calling the prison was a good idea.

  12. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Did not hear back from the prison today. difficult child got home about 9:30 am before her dad went to work. She starts at the the other store this next week (work). She begged for her prison letters back and told me they were so important. She then told me they came from a guy who use to be our neighbor's older daughters boyfriend. I think they even have a baby together. My daughter was about 11 when they moved away. If this guy knows who he is writing, he knows she is a minor. I told her we would not talk until dad was home and we were all together. I also told her if there was any screaming or cussing the conversation was done. She said she was going to have this inmate write us and ask permission to write her. Are you kidding me?????? Is she this delusional??????

    As for her friend who was recieving the letters at his house, his mom was allowing it but wondered if she should call me. She heard I was too protective...blah blah....(thank you difficult child). I asked her if she was worried about the fellon having her address? No, she said. Ok??? As for friend, yep, he was buffaloed by difficult child. She is so pushy and controlling with everyone and her friends don't stand a chance when she makes up her mind. He agreed to not bring her letters anymore and write return to sender on them until we can get them stopped.

    Thanks for your thoughs. I have no idea how we are going to climb this mountain.
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you have covered the bases. Here's hoping she "gets it"...sigh. DDD