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I feel toxic...WARNING: Not for the faint of heart
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 82077" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Heather, YOU need to find a resource somewhere that will help you detach. You are buying into difficult child's misery and nastiness too much. She does it to you because she gets a payoff - you take it on board.</p><p></p><p>When you're dealing with a fibro flare-up you are far more vulnerable and likely to do this; you need to train yourself until detachment is automatic, so you can do it when you feel ghastly, as well as when you feel OK. You need to literally walk away, even if it's out of the house and down the street. If she follows you shrieking and yelling, then let her. DO NOT FEEL EMBARRASSED BY HER. To let her hurt you or embarrass you is to give her power over you, which you do not need.</p><p></p><p>Learn to ignore the shouting, the whining and the negativity, and walk away. If you're in the middle of preparing dinner and she insists she won't eat what you're preparing, and she's in your face - stop cooking and walk away.</p><p></p><p>"I'm hungry" plus refusal to eat anything you suggest - "If you're genuinely hungry, you'd eat a dead rat. You'd eat anything. You'd eat your own foot."</p><p></p><p>Find a lowest common denominator, food-wise. For us, it's plain steamed white rice. A kid who won't eat what I've prepared - they can have plain steamed white rice. </p><p>For my mother, it was bread and dripping.</p><p></p><p>Some kids, especially Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) kids, do balk at certain foods. And what was acceptable before may become unacceptable. I do find that if I cook a certain favourite food TOO often, the kids will begin to refuse it and will continue to refuse it for years. I do give some leeway but I need their cooperation too, for this to work. If easy child 2/difficult child 2 (the worst culprit, along with difficult child 3) announces she hates stir-fried noodle dishes (as she did last night) then SHE needs to come up with an alternative I can prepare, given the ingredients to hand. So last night I ended up cooking a stir-fried beef dish, with rice instead of noodles. But difficult child 3 wouldn't eat it, I knew in advance. So I quickly threw together our version of nachos for him. HE announced he didn't like the cheese I used. I remember he said that last time too - it's not melting the right way. It's the same cheese I always use, but wither they've changed how they make it, or his tastes have changed. So next time I make nachos - I won't use that cheddar, I will use mozzarella. If he complains it doesn't taste cheesy enough, I will then add a sprinkle of parmesan. The end result should be a close approximation of what he will eat.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 is not being fussy for its own sake here; and he IS helping me find an acceptable alternative.</p><p>But what I require for my effort, is some level of acceptance that I AM trying to find a solution for both of us. If he starts to take my efforts for granted, I stop making any efforts at all and tell him so. "Fine - you can eat it with cheddar, or without any cheese at all. I'm not buying mozzarella specially for you if you won't appreciate my efforts."</p><p></p><p>Or he can eat plain steamed white rice. And be prepared to refuse to feed her at all. I've done that, too. I never have to do it more than once per child.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 82077, member: 1991"] Heather, YOU need to find a resource somewhere that will help you detach. You are buying into difficult child's misery and nastiness too much. She does it to you because she gets a payoff - you take it on board. When you're dealing with a fibro flare-up you are far more vulnerable and likely to do this; you need to train yourself until detachment is automatic, so you can do it when you feel ghastly, as well as when you feel OK. You need to literally walk away, even if it's out of the house and down the street. If she follows you shrieking and yelling, then let her. DO NOT FEEL EMBARRASSED BY HER. To let her hurt you or embarrass you is to give her power over you, which you do not need. Learn to ignore the shouting, the whining and the negativity, and walk away. If you're in the middle of preparing dinner and she insists she won't eat what you're preparing, and she's in your face - stop cooking and walk away. "I'm hungry" plus refusal to eat anything you suggest - "If you're genuinely hungry, you'd eat a dead rat. You'd eat anything. You'd eat your own foot." Find a lowest common denominator, food-wise. For us, it's plain steamed white rice. A kid who won't eat what I've prepared - they can have plain steamed white rice. For my mother, it was bread and dripping. Some kids, especially Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) kids, do balk at certain foods. And what was acceptable before may become unacceptable. I do find that if I cook a certain favourite food TOO often, the kids will begin to refuse it and will continue to refuse it for years. I do give some leeway but I need their cooperation too, for this to work. If easy child 2/difficult child 2 (the worst culprit, along with difficult child 3) announces she hates stir-fried noodle dishes (as she did last night) then SHE needs to come up with an alternative I can prepare, given the ingredients to hand. So last night I ended up cooking a stir-fried beef dish, with rice instead of noodles. But difficult child 3 wouldn't eat it, I knew in advance. So I quickly threw together our version of nachos for him. HE announced he didn't like the cheese I used. I remember he said that last time too - it's not melting the right way. It's the same cheese I always use, but wither they've changed how they make it, or his tastes have changed. So next time I make nachos - I won't use that cheddar, I will use mozzarella. If he complains it doesn't taste cheesy enough, I will then add a sprinkle of parmesan. The end result should be a close approximation of what he will eat. difficult child 3 is not being fussy for its own sake here; and he IS helping me find an acceptable alternative. But what I require for my effort, is some level of acceptance that I AM trying to find a solution for both of us. If he starts to take my efforts for granted, I stop making any efforts at all and tell him so. "Fine - you can eat it with cheddar, or without any cheese at all. I'm not buying mozzarella specially for you if you won't appreciate my efforts." Or he can eat plain steamed white rice. And be prepared to refuse to feed her at all. I've done that, too. I never have to do it more than once per child. Marg [/QUOTE]
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