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Parent Emeritus
I finally did it, but Bart is fuming and blocked me.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 740872" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thsnks,Elsi. Thats how I feel. The past is the past and I did allow myself to be bullied. The fault was mine even though I am different too. But now is now. Im too old to let even a beloved adult child make it this hard to have a conversation. Yes, he has a tough road. Yes, its about HIS child who sees how he treats his own parents and could model it one day. But, no, as much as I believe he is suffering, this is not the worst problem or only one on tje planet.</p><p></p><p> My BFF had cancer for ten years before she succumbed to it, leaving behind seven children and a loving husband. Now anothen lifelong friend has a grandchild with possibly terminal cancer. He practically lives with her so he is like another child. The boy's mother, who I knew growing up, is being strong for her son, but spending three months at a time in a hospitsl isolation room while her four year old has chemo has to be on my list of the worst things ever.</p><p></p><p>Not to minimize Barts pain because it is real and awful, but he wont try to get help for it, depending only on me and his father instead of peers who also have gone through this or professionals and he wont try church. To him nothing will help. Obviously I cant either. Also kindness gets you far. I actually have good ideas and lots of people have always asked for my feedback (not sure why,) but my son discards anything I suggest as "I cant do it" or "it wont help me." I dont believe that nobody who works full time in St. Louis never goes to a doctor or sees a therapist. He claims he can't becsuse he works. And he says there are no services after work. Is that possible?</p><p></p><p>I am exhausted. I would love to help but he thinks the only thing that helps is talking to ME about his case and getting my pep talks and worse he believes a parent should emotionally support a child at any given time of day under any circumstance for as long as needed no matter how old he is. Sixty if the parents are still alive. So he has often incinuated that I have to put my life on hold, even if I am sitting in the vets waiting room with my dog. I should put the dog down and talk to him outside! This actually happened!</p><p></p><p>I have three considerate kids who also need me. I have the best husband. I have pets who I love like people. I have interests, friends, hobbies. I cant put them all on hold to talk to (and get yelled at) by my 40 year old son at his whim. My 22 year old daughter and my autistic son handle life!. My daughter works in Corrections and has had to hold a towel over a mans neck who tried to kill himself. She also saw a real suicide in jail. And she came to us sad, stressed and crying but she dealt with those horrors and likes her job. She is determined to finish four years of college to becone a detective. She rarely complains. My autistic son lives his life and is the kindest person i know and he is always apologetic if he asks for something, even a ride. Princess is very high strung. I have had to talk her down many times but she listens and lets me and never swears at me. She has a heart of gold. My granddaughter has her mothers heart! My rescue dog who had surgery lives with us and is a full time project. We love him so but Bart hates animals and doesnt understand an animal lover. To him a dog is not equal to a human. To me, a dog is just as important. </p><p>;</p><p>He doesnt know me, the person I am. He doesnt ever talk to me about me. Is is selfish of me to be bothered by this?</p><p></p><p>Anyhow I have a busy day and need to start it. On my kitchen wall I have a sign that says "But First Coffee."</p><p></p><p>Yep!</p><p></p><p>All of you have a great day! Thanks for listening!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 740872, member: 1550"] Thsnks,Elsi. Thats how I feel. The past is the past and I did allow myself to be bullied. The fault was mine even though I am different too. But now is now. Im too old to let even a beloved adult child make it this hard to have a conversation. Yes, he has a tough road. Yes, its about HIS child who sees how he treats his own parents and could model it one day. But, no, as much as I believe he is suffering, this is not the worst problem or only one on tje planet. My BFF had cancer for ten years before she succumbed to it, leaving behind seven children and a loving husband. Now anothen lifelong friend has a grandchild with possibly terminal cancer. He practically lives with her so he is like another child. The boy's mother, who I knew growing up, is being strong for her son, but spending three months at a time in a hospitsl isolation room while her four year old has chemo has to be on my list of the worst things ever. Not to minimize Barts pain because it is real and awful, but he wont try to get help for it, depending only on me and his father instead of peers who also have gone through this or professionals and he wont try church. To him nothing will help. Obviously I cant either. Also kindness gets you far. I actually have good ideas and lots of people have always asked for my feedback (not sure why,) but my son discards anything I suggest as "I cant do it" or "it wont help me." I dont believe that nobody who works full time in St. Louis never goes to a doctor or sees a therapist. He claims he can't becsuse he works. And he says there are no services after work. Is that possible? I am exhausted. I would love to help but he thinks the only thing that helps is talking to ME about his case and getting my pep talks and worse he believes a parent should emotionally support a child at any given time of day under any circumstance for as long as needed no matter how old he is. Sixty if the parents are still alive. So he has often incinuated that I have to put my life on hold, even if I am sitting in the vets waiting room with my dog. I should put the dog down and talk to him outside! This actually happened! I have three considerate kids who also need me. I have the best husband. I have pets who I love like people. I have interests, friends, hobbies. I cant put them all on hold to talk to (and get yelled at) by my 40 year old son at his whim. My 22 year old daughter and my autistic son handle life!. My daughter works in Corrections and has had to hold a towel over a mans neck who tried to kill himself. She also saw a real suicide in jail. And she came to us sad, stressed and crying but she dealt with those horrors and likes her job. She is determined to finish four years of college to becone a detective. She rarely complains. My autistic son lives his life and is the kindest person i know and he is always apologetic if he asks for something, even a ride. Princess is very high strung. I have had to talk her down many times but she listens and lets me and never swears at me. She has a heart of gold. My granddaughter has her mothers heart! My rescue dog who had surgery lives with us and is a full time project. We love him so but Bart hates animals and doesnt understand an animal lover. To him a dog is not equal to a human. To me, a dog is just as important. ; He doesnt know me, the person I am. He doesnt ever talk to me about me. Is is selfish of me to be bothered by this? Anyhow I have a busy day and need to start it. On my kitchen wall I have a sign that says "But First Coffee." Yep! All of you have a great day! Thanks for listening! [/QUOTE]
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I finally did it, but Bart is fuming and blocked me.
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