I had to say it...

Albatross

Well-Known Member
Good news about the job, Lil. There was an article about sign twirlers a few months ago. There are some good ones who go independent and are booked months in advance and make pretty serious change, more than some FULL-TIME jobs. So tell your Difficult Child to get out there and DANCE!
 
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Lil

Well-Known Member
Good news about the job, Lil. There was an article about sign twirlers a few months ago. There are some good ones who go independent and are booked months in advance and make pretty serious change, more than most FULL-TIME jobs. So tell your Difficult Child to get out there and DANCE!

I doubt there's a lot of market in our little city for that, but any money is more than he's making now!
 

pasajes4

Well-Known Member
There are some good ones who go independent and are booked months in advance and make pretty serious change, more than some FULL-TIME jobs. So

There is a guy in town that has a following and can set his own prices. He does the signs for social functions, sporting events, weddings, you name it.
 

Lil

Well-Known Member
Well, he went to work again today.

Got up and the first words out of his mouth were that his arms hurt.

My son has the upper body strength of a 90 year old woman. Really.

But he called, since the woman yesterday didn't seem to know if he was supposed to work today or not and when he finally got thru at 10:30 they told him, yes, 11 to 5 is the shift, no matter what day it is. :rolleyes: He did not take it well. Still, he tossed on clothes, I grabbed my keys and we went. Ran by Dollar General first for stronger sunscreen (he burned with a #30 - because he's albino white from lack of light exposure, regardless of his dark hair and eyes - so got him a #50) and sunglasses, since he complained his eyes hurt, and some cereal bars, since he skipped breakfast, and he was maybe 15 minutes late. At least he has a good excuse.

I will not be surprised if he quits. We will see. He did NOT want to go, but acknowledged he had to, because he needs the money.

It's under 50 degrees right now and he forgot his jacket - he's probably freezing. He also has that in common with a 90 year old woman.
 

DarkwingPsyduck

Active Member
Well, he went to work again today.

Got up and the first words out of his mouth were that his arms hurt.

My son has the upper body strength of a 90 year old woman. Really.

But he called, since the woman yesterday didn't seem to know if he was supposed to work today or not and when he finally got thru at 10:30 they told him, yes, 11 to 5 is the shift, no matter what day it is. :rolleyes: He did not take it well. Still, he tossed on clothes, I grabbed my keys and we went. Ran by Dollar General first for stronger sunscreen (he burned with a #30 - because he's albino white from lack of light exposure, regardless of his dark hair and eyes - so got him a #50) and sunglasses, since he complained his eyes hurt, and some cereal bars, since he skipped breakfast, and he was maybe 15 minutes late. At least he has a good excuse.

I will not be surprised if he quits. We will see. He did NOT want to go, but acknowledged he had to, because he needs the money.

It's under 50 degrees right now and he forgot his jacket - he's probably freezing. He also has that in common with a 90 year old woman.

Yeah, I have very little upper body strength, too. Though, I have great leg strength. People get grossed out by my calves. Rock hard, and bulging. I really don't know how, either... I am not very active physically.

Well, at least he went! That's something. Even if he did :censored2: and moan about it. Better he go and complain than not to go and not complain.
 

Lil

Well-Known Member
My son is skinny like you...God knows how because he eats NOTHING healthy. No vegetables at all if he can help it. Always been that way. Last time I took him to the doctor he weighed about 150...but that was fully clothed with his shoes on, my guess would be closer to 140. He's about 6'1". He got that from his biodad's side of the family...they're all tall skinny people. Pity that wasn't all he got from them. :rolleyes:
I've always said our family looked like Jabber and I ate up all the food and didn't let him have any. lol We're both big people.
 

DarkwingPsyduck

Active Member
My son is skinny like you...God knows how because he eats NOTHING healthy. No vegetables at all if he can help it. Always been that way. Last time I took him to the doctor he weighed about 150...but that was fully clothed with his shoes on, my guess would be closer to 140. He's about 6'1". He got that from his biodad's side of the family...they're all tall skinny people. Pity that wasn't all he got from them. :rolleyes:
I've always said our family looked like Jabber and I ate up all the food and didn't let him have any. lol We're both big people.

That's nothing. I am 5'7". When I was still on Suboxone, I had to see doctor monthly. And for the entire 14 months I was with him, I never broke 120 lbs. Right now, I am at 125. And that is high for me. I thought it was just due to life style, but that clearly isn't the case. I now eat regularly, better than I ever have before. I got so used to eating very little being on my own. I still don't have much of an appetite, but I do force myself to eat at least 2 meals a day. I couldn't gain any weight if my life depended on it. I am in much better shape physically, but I am just naturally very skinny, I guess.
 

Lil

Well-Known Member
I'd say you're about the same, given the height difference. I have to admit, wish I was naturally skinny, but he doesn't get it from me.
 

Lil

Well-Known Member
I'm starting to wonder if my son has not contacted the landlord because he's afraid that, well, he's not ready to move and we told him he'd have to.

Should I contact the landlord? A text is all it would take. But if it's ready, then what? We toss him out when he's finally working at least part time?

I hate this.
 

TheWalrus

I Am The Walrus
That is a tough call. I hate being put in those kinds of positions. My stance is always to stay out of whatever I possibly can, because she is an adult and should handle her own affairs. And it does not help her, in fact probably does the opposite, when I rush in and try to fix or figure something out. But on the flip side, if he isn't ready to go and won't be truthful to you about the apartment because he wants to stay, it could end up gone and then that's that.

I guess if it were me, I would start with him because I always TRY (now) to start with my daughter and give her the opportunity to do the right thing, be a grownup, etc. "Have you contacted your landlord to see about the apartment?" If he says no or blows it off, I would let him know he needed to do that because if not, you will contact him yourself at such and such time/day. If he says yes but you don't believe what he tells you, I would let him know you plan to follow up yourself.

Yes, if he is like my daughter, this will be a blow up. "You just can't WAIT to get me out of here!" (I can picture her now.) This is the point where it takes every ounce of reserve in me to remain calm and not play into her emotional guilt (which is what it is), plainly state that is not the case but that I was just wanting some confirmation per our agreement, a reminder of the agreement and then (because she is my child and no amount of reasoning ever cuts through her wall of irrational thought) I would have to literally leave her presence until her tantrum was over.

Then I would move ahead because you did make an agreement and it will probably be up to you to make sure that it is respected. JMO
 

Lil

Well-Known Member
I actually asked him a few minutes ago if he was putting off calling because he wasn't ready to move. He said he wasn't, but acknowledged that he needs more time to have enough money. He pointed out that he shouldn't have to call her, as she already said the apartment was his when it's ready.

I'm wondering, and Jabber is in bed and I know Honey, we haven't talked, I'm just thinking, maybe we should tell him, let's call and ask and set a date if they are ready, say, in 3-4 weeks, for him to move. Gives him more time, granted much longer than planned, but us too, as we promised to get him furniture and stuff and we need money too for that.

Just a thought.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Should I contact the landlord?
I can see at least two ways to think about this.

From the first perspective, it sounds like you want him to stay at home longer. From that way of thinking, I would talk to Jabber and see how he is feeling about Son staying longer.

The other way to look at is is like Walrus says. An agreement is an agreement.

But if things are going well for you and for Jabber, and you want your boy to stay why cut off your nose to spite your face?

If the latter is the case, I would not let it slide but I would, the three of you talk about it together and decide proactively what to do. Like a month more. Or what ever.

Do what you want. Agreements can always be renegotiated.
 

Lil

Well-Known Member
I wouldn't say I want him to stay. We both are ready for him to go.

BUT.. He has been, for him, pretty good. He's got a pretty poor job, but I'm sure he actually is looking for other work. Would he have done better if he'd done as we told him? Yes. But there is something to be said for him doing things his way.

At one point we'd said something about staying until he was on his feet. That went away pretty quickly, but...

I guess at this point I want an out date but I don't know that he had been so bad I'd toss him out.

I think maybe I want an end in sight.
 

Jabberwockey

Well-Known Member
I'm wondering, and Jabber is in bed and I know Honey, we haven't talked, I'm just thinking, maybe we should tell him, let's call and ask and set a date if they are ready, say, in 3-4 weeks, for him to move. Gives him more time, granted much longer than planned, but us too, as we promised to get him furniture and stuff and we need money too for that.

Honey, the longer he stays the more comfortable he gets and the less likely it is that he will work towards leaving. He has spent all morning laying in bed watching videos on your laptop, not job hunting. When he came out he asked if I would take him out later to hang with J during his lunch break. I said no, he launched into a rant about him having to walk to the bus in the rain, blah, blah, blah, insert sob story here. I ignored him. He went back in the bedroom. Later, he asked if I'd take him to get a pack of cigarettes. I said yes and when we pulled into the lot I said "Please dont buy alcohol". He looked at me and said "Why did you even need to say that?". Again, I didnt say anything. On the way back to the house he commented that he hoped the rain would stop soon as he would be walking to the bus stop in an hour or so. I said it was supposed to stop some time this afternoon but not sure when. He is back in the bedroom, presumably watching videos of some kind or gaming, and hasnt said anything since. I know he will get mad at me again in just a few minutes when I tell him to wash his dishes before he leaves.

Sorry Honey, but between him and the shoulder I dont know how much more I can take. Is he ready to move out right now? No, but thats because he spend almost a month and a half screwing off instead of finding work. Did we promise to buy some furniture from Goodwill? Yes, but we can put it on the credit card. Can agreements be renegotiated? Ye, but I see no reason to renegotiate an agreement that he is only putting out a token effort to comply with.

When we first made this agreement, I expected him to be gone at the beginning of May. Not sure if I can handle it until mid June, especially if the shoulder issue doesnt improve.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
I said "Please dont buy alcohol". He looked at me and said "Why did you even need to say that?"
This infuriated me, in absentia.

I mean, these guys are really handling themselves like Pope Francis?

I mean, we are remiss if we remind them of how they have blown it over and over again, even in our house, and please, do not blow it one more time...in our house.

I mean, in what world can Jabber be errant when he has only been accommodating and supportive, because he tells the truth and speaks about the reality of things?
 

Lil

Well-Known Member
Sorry Honey, but between him and the shoulder I dont know how much more I can take. Is he ready to move out right now? No, but thats because he spend almost a month and a half screwing off instead of finding work.

Honey, my comment was kind of typing - thinking out loud. We need to know when he will move out. Yes, we said he'd move when the place was ready...but what if it isn't ready until July? We need to light a fire under both him and them! I guess what I am really thinking is how to approach it. Not just tell him, "You didn't call so we did and it's ready so get out." More, "We all need to know what's going on...so I'm going to send a text to Sophie and if the apartment is open, then you need to be prepared to be out in ___ weeks."

You're in pain right now, I know. And at the best of times you two have irritated each other even when he was just doing kid stuff :( so I know this is difficult. What we do ... I don't know. Maybe we should do nothing until you are no longer in pain, so you aren't cranky and easily upset to start with.

But really, other than being his usual lazy pain in the arse, he's not doing anything "wrong". He's not stealing. He's not breaking things or screaming at us. He isn't job hunting to our satisfaction, but he is doing something.

It would be different if Sophie had called us...but she hasn't. Maybe the apartment still isn't ready? Maybe something has happened and they won't rent to him after all? (In which case they'll owe him money!) Maybe she's called him and he told her he wasn't going to take the apartment? Maybe, maybe, maybe...we don't KNOW and we need to know! We at least need a time frame here!

But what I don't want is to just say, "We called, get out." Because that's what it will turn into if we don't frame this correctly. Right now, he can't pay the $400 himself. You and I both know this. He's banking on J - who already has a 4 mile bike ride to work and will add a good 2-3 miles if he moves. With our kid's luck, he'll bail.
 
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Lil

Well-Known Member
And I suppose we should take this off the board...but I started it last night while you were asleep and just ... I don't know, looking for input. :(
 
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