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<blockquote data-quote="DarkwingPsyduck" data-source="post: 687806" data-attributes="member: 20267"><p>He sounds like an incredibly likable person. Likable to a fault, even. The high schools in Reno are very clique-y, too. I got along with just about everybody. Despite the way I dress, and my piercings and tattoos. I was never mean to anybody, regardless of who they hung out with. I was very easy going. I got into my fair of <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> with some other kids, but that was pretty rare. I was quite popular. Grades were always very high, too. I was always just naturally good in school. Never had to try too hard. Then, when my mother died, I had nowhere and nobody. I continued going to school for a few weeks, while crashing at my girlfriend's house, but I couldn't keep it up. So I bounced around from couch to couch, living off their parent's generosity. I grew incredibly close to them and their families, obviously. My group of friends are very tight knit. Not too large, but incredibly loyal. I'd have died for them. I was stabbed once for a friend. And they'd all have done the same for me. </p><p></p><p>It hurts not to be able to see them. They don't take it personally. Plus, they respect and fear my aunt way too much to go out of their way to jeopardize my recovery. They are still doing their thing, but I will always be right here when they need it. It was VERY difficult for me to get used to this, though. I mean, I literally survived because I was around them all the time. It takes some getting used to, but it is the right thing to do at this point. The truth is, relationships between addicts are NEVER healthy. They are poison. They would never intentionally do anything that might be harmful to me, but that isn't enough. We feed off each other. We help each other justify all the wrong things we do. So it is a good thing for me. And I think it will be for your son. He cannot possibly be the good friend he tries so hard to be unless he works on himself. Even though his heart is in the right place, it doesn't help him. The very best thing my friends could do was to understand, and not make it even harder for me. And, being the excellent people they are, they did exactly that. </p><p></p><p>I misread your situation a bit, looks like. I thought your son was making more progress than this. Unfortunately, change doesn't necessarily mean improvement. So, while things may have changed since he was robbing you blind, the actual progress is much slower. It doesn't seem like he has any real intention of living well for himself. He is doing the absolute bare minimum to keep you and your husband where he wants you. He needs to try to improve his life for himself, not you. Anything else is superficial, and shaky. Like I've said, I made the decision to start my recovery for my aunt, because I didn't like myself enough to do it for me. It wasn't a very good start, but since then, I have come to appreciate the positive effects it has had on ME. I dislike myself less, too. I was hoping it would be the same for your son.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DarkwingPsyduck, post: 687806, member: 20267"] He sounds like an incredibly likable person. Likable to a fault, even. The high schools in Reno are very clique-y, too. I got along with just about everybody. Despite the way I dress, and my piercings and tattoos. I was never mean to anybody, regardless of who they hung out with. I was very easy going. I got into my fair of :censored2: with some other kids, but that was pretty rare. I was quite popular. Grades were always very high, too. I was always just naturally good in school. Never had to try too hard. Then, when my mother died, I had nowhere and nobody. I continued going to school for a few weeks, while crashing at my girlfriend's house, but I couldn't keep it up. So I bounced around from couch to couch, living off their parent's generosity. I grew incredibly close to them and their families, obviously. My group of friends are very tight knit. Not too large, but incredibly loyal. I'd have died for them. I was stabbed once for a friend. And they'd all have done the same for me. It hurts not to be able to see them. They don't take it personally. Plus, they respect and fear my aunt way too much to go out of their way to jeopardize my recovery. They are still doing their thing, but I will always be right here when they need it. It was VERY difficult for me to get used to this, though. I mean, I literally survived because I was around them all the time. It takes some getting used to, but it is the right thing to do at this point. The truth is, relationships between addicts are NEVER healthy. They are poison. They would never intentionally do anything that might be harmful to me, but that isn't enough. We feed off each other. We help each other justify all the wrong things we do. So it is a good thing for me. And I think it will be for your son. He cannot possibly be the good friend he tries so hard to be unless he works on himself. Even though his heart is in the right place, it doesn't help him. The very best thing my friends could do was to understand, and not make it even harder for me. And, being the excellent people they are, they did exactly that. I misread your situation a bit, looks like. I thought your son was making more progress than this. Unfortunately, change doesn't necessarily mean improvement. So, while things may have changed since he was robbing you blind, the actual progress is much slower. It doesn't seem like he has any real intention of living well for himself. He is doing the absolute bare minimum to keep you and your husband where he wants you. He needs to try to improve his life for himself, not you. Anything else is superficial, and shaky. Like I've said, I made the decision to start my recovery for my aunt, because I didn't like myself enough to do it for me. It wasn't a very good start, but since then, I have come to appreciate the positive effects it has had on ME. I dislike myself less, too. I was hoping it would be the same for your son. [/QUOTE]
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