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I had to say it...
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 687862" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Oh yes, they will throw all of this stuff at us, and we get all confused and trying to sort it out, and yes there are truths in what they are saying, so we're even more confused....and emotional...and scared....and then...</p><p></p><p>So many times, this is exactly what happened with Difficult Child. I so so so get this, Lil. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is where the keep it simple (keep it simple for YOU) really comes in. You already know he is going to do this. So....can you and Jabber...ahead of time...decide what you are going to do? Write it down. I mean put it down on a piece of paper. Literally.</p><p></p><p>Then...when you have the talk with him...just let him go through all of the stuff that you wrote above. Just wait and let him get it out.</p><p></p><p>Then, go back to what you decided...whatever that is...and that is what you tell him, and that is what you do, no matter what else he throws at you. Because he won't like it, whatever you come up with, so there will be more mud thrown. Mud in your eye clouds your vision (to coin a phrase). You can't see clearly because you are a mass of feelings (of course you are! You are his mother!). </p><p></p><p>They have us at such a disadvantage here. So we have to prepare like we would prepare for a business meeting...and then stick to the script. That is key.</p><p></p><p>You have choices. You and Jabber have choices about what you will allow and do. Make those choices. Then calmly tell him and stick to them. Let him be the one who is raging out of control. You don't have to be. </p><p></p><p>Warm warm tight hugs. We're here with you, no matter how it goes. And the standard is certainly not perfection.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 687862, member: 17542"] Oh yes, they will throw all of this stuff at us, and we get all confused and trying to sort it out, and yes there are truths in what they are saying, so we're even more confused....and emotional...and scared....and then... So many times, this is exactly what happened with Difficult Child. I so so so get this, Lil. This is where the keep it simple (keep it simple for YOU) really comes in. You already know he is going to do this. So....can you and Jabber...ahead of time...decide what you are going to do? Write it down. I mean put it down on a piece of paper. Literally. Then...when you have the talk with him...just let him go through all of the stuff that you wrote above. Just wait and let him get it out. Then, go back to what you decided...whatever that is...and that is what you tell him, and that is what you do, no matter what else he throws at you. Because he won't like it, whatever you come up with, so there will be more mud thrown. Mud in your eye clouds your vision (to coin a phrase). You can't see clearly because you are a mass of feelings (of course you are! You are his mother!). They have us at such a disadvantage here. So we have to prepare like we would prepare for a business meeting...and then stick to the script. That is key. You have choices. You and Jabber have choices about what you will allow and do. Make those choices. Then calmly tell him and stick to them. Let him be the one who is raging out of control. You don't have to be. Warm warm tight hugs. We're here with you, no matter how it goes. And the standard is certainly not perfection. [/QUOTE]
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