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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 687880" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am in the same place, again.</p><p></p><p>It is complicated for us because my son receives SSI, meaning he is certifiably seriously mentally ill by some, thus is not obligated to work (in fact, he is deterred from working) and he has a medical marijuana card.</p><p></p><p>The deal is that he can have a place to live (the rental house we bought) if he works with us to remodel it, if he keeps it clean, and if he does something constructive to work towards a goal.</p><p></p><p>He agreed.</p><p></p><p>My son does enough to stay in the game, and no more. But there is no real commitment to do well or do seriously better. Some could say that it is because we are imposing the conditions on him. There is no buy in so when the cat is gone the mice will play. And that indeed is what happens.</p><p></p><p>But he has been working. Some days he expresses pleasure. His slip ups seem related to marijuana. It is his primary pleasure and motivator.</p><p></p><p> When it was clear to me that my son could not sustain even his mood, let alone work, with his marijuana, I told him no marijuana around me. Even when under the influence.He gets depressed, morose, lethargic, unmotivated after the effects wear out. The effects when he is not high define the limits of his life. He is using it when we are not around. We know and he admitted it. </p><p></p><p>I told him to leave the house today.</p><p></p><p>The energy is coming from us. M is exhausted by it because he supervises my son at work and is more the one who does so where he is living. He is trying to spare me at cost to himself. Burn out.</p><p></p><p>But I have been happy to have my son close, happy to see him happier. Happy to be able to love him, without his hurting me. He is way less hostile. Way more cooperative.</p><p></p><p>My son is dependent upon us, when he accepts our house. Some argue that I should leave him alone to do as he wants and to accept his terms. To allow the positive effects of having a place to live, off the street, to emerge. M believes that the only way my son will change is if we teach him (stay on him.) Insist that he work. Insist that he live properly (kind of like a kind of program.)</p><p></p><p>When I left there last night my son said you will see. Tomorrow we will find a solution to this.</p><p></p><p>So much has been gained. But my son needs to get to the next step. No matter how much I want to I cannot take it for him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 687880, member: 18958"] I am in the same place, again. It is complicated for us because my son receives SSI, meaning he is certifiably seriously mentally ill by some, thus is not obligated to work (in fact, he is deterred from working) and he has a medical marijuana card. The deal is that he can have a place to live (the rental house we bought) if he works with us to remodel it, if he keeps it clean, and if he does something constructive to work towards a goal. He agreed. My son does enough to stay in the game, and no more. But there is no real commitment to do well or do seriously better. Some could say that it is because we are imposing the conditions on him. There is no buy in so when the cat is gone the mice will play. And that indeed is what happens. But he has been working. Some days he expresses pleasure. His slip ups seem related to marijuana. It is his primary pleasure and motivator. When it was clear to me that my son could not sustain even his mood, let alone work, with his marijuana, I told him no marijuana around me. Even when under the influence.He gets depressed, morose, lethargic, unmotivated after the effects wear out. The effects when he is not high define the limits of his life. He is using it when we are not around. We know and he admitted it. I told him to leave the house today. The energy is coming from us. M is exhausted by it because he supervises my son at work and is more the one who does so where he is living. He is trying to spare me at cost to himself. Burn out. But I have been happy to have my son close, happy to see him happier. Happy to be able to love him, without his hurting me. He is way less hostile. Way more cooperative. My son is dependent upon us, when he accepts our house. Some argue that I should leave him alone to do as he wants and to accept his terms. To allow the positive effects of having a place to live, off the street, to emerge. M believes that the only way my son will change is if we teach him (stay on him.) Insist that he work. Insist that he live properly (kind of like a kind of program.) When I left there last night my son said you will see. Tomorrow we will find a solution to this. So much has been gained. But my son needs to get to the next step. No matter how much I want to I cannot take it for him. [/QUOTE]
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