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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 687919" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Lil. In all of this we are twins. </p><p></p><p>I am of a truly divided mind. On the one hand, I believe that our sons need the lesson to be repeated over and over. That it is not just manipulation, and wanting their cake and to eat it too. But it is that, too.</p><p></p><p>I have seen my son respond to suffering. He knows really knows he does not want to be a vagrant, homeless anymore. Whether it is a coincidence or not, I do not know, but his attitude is infinitely changed. He is kinder, caring, loving and cooperative. He wants to work with us--to a point.</p><p></p><p>I asked him to leave by today. Because he is flaunting commitments we have insisted upon and I believe by indulging him, we are enabling. If I allow him to fudge, to slide and slip, I am empowering that part of him that is weak and immature and irresponsible.</p><p>My son has this but not enough of it, not to the extent I had it. But he is not me. He is somebody who has been determined to be mentally ill to the point where he is unable to work. Possibly limited motivation is a symptom of his illness, and poor judgment too.</p><p></p><p>So our case is cloudy. I cannot have the expectations of him that I would have for myself and for somebody without the compromises that he seemingly has.</p><p></p><p>And yet, I cannot, will not, knowingly enable him to not reach the potential he does have. He has shown me he can change. How can I through my actions limit that incentive to change?</p><p></p><p>To what extent is is possible to work with them in this know man's land of getting there but not?</p><p>Change is an abstraction. He has not yet demonstrated the capacity or desire to conform to rules imposed by others.</p><p>This is true. </p><p></p><p>So we are back to Lil's and my (different but similar) quandarys. If I accept that I cannot change my son, how do I know if he has reached his limit at this point of time, in understanding his situation and remedying it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 687919, member: 18958"] Lil. In all of this we are twins. I am of a truly divided mind. On the one hand, I believe that our sons need the lesson to be repeated over and over. That it is not just manipulation, and wanting their cake and to eat it too. But it is that, too. I have seen my son respond to suffering. He knows really knows he does not want to be a vagrant, homeless anymore. Whether it is a coincidence or not, I do not know, but his attitude is infinitely changed. He is kinder, caring, loving and cooperative. He wants to work with us--to a point. I asked him to leave by today. Because he is flaunting commitments we have insisted upon and I believe by indulging him, we are enabling. If I allow him to fudge, to slide and slip, I am empowering that part of him that is weak and immature and irresponsible. My son has this but not enough of it, not to the extent I had it. But he is not me. He is somebody who has been determined to be mentally ill to the point where he is unable to work. Possibly limited motivation is a symptom of his illness, and poor judgment too. So our case is cloudy. I cannot have the expectations of him that I would have for myself and for somebody without the compromises that he seemingly has. And yet, I cannot, will not, knowingly enable him to not reach the potential he does have. He has shown me he can change. How can I through my actions limit that incentive to change? To what extent is is possible to work with them in this know man's land of getting there but not? Change is an abstraction. He has not yet demonstrated the capacity or desire to conform to rules imposed by others. This is true. So we are back to Lil's and my (different but similar) quandarys. If I accept that I cannot change my son, how do I know if he has reached his limit at this point of time, in understanding his situation and remedying it. [/QUOTE]
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