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I had to turn my 20 yr old into the Police, heartbroken...
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<blockquote data-quote="MaggieDawn70" data-source="post: 457367" data-attributes="member: 12702"><p>Hi. I'm new here but thought I would chime in. I think you did the right thing and the best you can do considering the circumstances with your daughter. It definitely is not easy, nor does it feel good. </p><p></p><p>I also have a 20yo daughter similar to how you describe your daughter. I love her to death but she has made life difficult. My daughter started getting arrested at about 14. She also has a severe issue with lying and other negative behavior, and smokes a lot of pot. When she was 15 she had a warrant out for her arrest for felony assault and numerous probation violations. She had run away from her dad's house after assaulting him; she had wanted to go out, was told no and proceeded to flip out. My ex did not hit her back but due to trying to protect himself, he was injured enough to need medical treatment. She ran away with a friend and was gone for 2 weeks. Via MySpace and other ways of tracking her down, I found her and led the cops in her direction. I debated just going to where she was but decided against it, called the police on her instead. She was arrested in a mall on a Friday night and within a month was headed to prison (institution for teens with long-term sentences; she remained there about 2 years).</p><p></p><p>I can definitely relate to what you are going through and remember wondering how to save her from herself. I'm not being critical at all when I say this but ultimately, she has to want that for herself. No one can do it for her. Other people here have recommended detaching and I definitely would agree. I've been on that road for awhile now and it's saving my sanity. FYI, my daughter was doing better for a couple years but has since fallen back into her old ways. We may not be able to stop them from doing things that are wrong but we can take care of ourselves, it's absolutely necessary.</p><p></p><p>I don't know how long your daughter will be in jail once arrested but take the time to do something for yourself while she's there. I noticed you listed other kids (I have step kids but no other bio kids) and that keeps a person busy enough. When my daughter was very first arrested and sent overnight to 'juvie,' I got no sleep and cried a LOT. It was awful but she kept getting in trouble, kept getting locked up. Back then someone told me if I didn't start taking care of myself, I was going to end up in one heck of a mess - they were right, and I did. For me it meant a serious problem with depression/anxiety, my husband and I lived apart for many months......this situation broke just about everyone. I also now have an autoimmune disorder caused directly by stress. It is under control now but it took a very long time. I also gained a lot of weight in the process....I've lost a lot of it but not all. </p><p></p><p>Perhaps you handle stress better than I did - I hope - but for me it was a doozy, really did a number on me. One thing I kept in mind when my daughter was in jail was at least she was safe and I knew where she was 24-7. I know it sounds a little weird at first but it really did help, especially when there were so many times I had no clue where she was, with who, etc. Of course we'd rather not have to think in those terms but sometimes that's all there is.</p><p></p><p>I hope things start to get better for you soon - you really did do the right thing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MaggieDawn70, post: 457367, member: 12702"] Hi. I'm new here but thought I would chime in. I think you did the right thing and the best you can do considering the circumstances with your daughter. It definitely is not easy, nor does it feel good. I also have a 20yo daughter similar to how you describe your daughter. I love her to death but she has made life difficult. My daughter started getting arrested at about 14. She also has a severe issue with lying and other negative behavior, and smokes a lot of pot. When she was 15 she had a warrant out for her arrest for felony assault and numerous probation violations. She had run away from her dad's house after assaulting him; she had wanted to go out, was told no and proceeded to flip out. My ex did not hit her back but due to trying to protect himself, he was injured enough to need medical treatment. She ran away with a friend and was gone for 2 weeks. Via MySpace and other ways of tracking her down, I found her and led the cops in her direction. I debated just going to where she was but decided against it, called the police on her instead. She was arrested in a mall on a Friday night and within a month was headed to prison (institution for teens with long-term sentences; she remained there about 2 years). I can definitely relate to what you are going through and remember wondering how to save her from herself. I'm not being critical at all when I say this but ultimately, she has to want that for herself. No one can do it for her. Other people here have recommended detaching and I definitely would agree. I've been on that road for awhile now and it's saving my sanity. FYI, my daughter was doing better for a couple years but has since fallen back into her old ways. We may not be able to stop them from doing things that are wrong but we can take care of ourselves, it's absolutely necessary. I don't know how long your daughter will be in jail once arrested but take the time to do something for yourself while she's there. I noticed you listed other kids (I have step kids but no other bio kids) and that keeps a person busy enough. When my daughter was very first arrested and sent overnight to 'juvie,' I got no sleep and cried a LOT. It was awful but she kept getting in trouble, kept getting locked up. Back then someone told me if I didn't start taking care of myself, I was going to end up in one heck of a mess - they were right, and I did. For me it meant a serious problem with depression/anxiety, my husband and I lived apart for many months......this situation broke just about everyone. I also now have an autoimmune disorder caused directly by stress. It is under control now but it took a very long time. I also gained a lot of weight in the process....I've lost a lot of it but not all. Perhaps you handle stress better than I did - I hope - but for me it was a doozy, really did a number on me. One thing I kept in mind when my daughter was in jail was at least she was safe and I knew where she was 24-7. I know it sounds a little weird at first but it really did help, especially when there were so many times I had no clue where she was, with who, etc. Of course we'd rather not have to think in those terms but sometimes that's all there is. I hope things start to get better for you soon - you really did do the right thing. [/QUOTE]
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I had to turn my 20 yr old into the Police, heartbroken...
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