I hate Holidays so talk me through the season

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DammitJanet, Dec 23, 2012.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have always had a really hard time with this holiday season...normally the time from Thanksgiving through New Years is bad for me. Oh I buy the presents and I like that but I hate wrapping them and I hate the whole idea of cooking and having company over pretty much sends me into hives. I dont want to get up on Xmas morning and watch the kids opening presents and only do it if forced. Then I want to go back to bed and hide the rest of the day. I dont think I have a single picture of my boys opening presents. I do have a couple of Keyana.

    I am already in Bah Humbug mood. It doesnt help that Tony has done nothing but argue and fight with me constantly for the last week. It doesnt seem that anything I do is right. Now I probably brought it on myself somewhat on Thursday but I was a bit ticked off. Both Cory and Buck owe Tony money. Buck owes him a whole lot more than Cory does but Tony is making Cory pay him back much faster. Now which one of them is supporting an entire family all on their own? Hmmm.

    Tony made sure Buck got back to work 3 weeks ago but didnt tell Cory that Tony's boss was hiring until Buck had been working there for over 2 and a half weeks. Cory got 1 and a half days on this first paycheck and Tony made Cory pay him $100 out of that paycheck and that was the last check he would get before Xmas. All he made Buck give him was $30. Buck is allowed to give him his money like that in dribs and drabs. $25, $30. When Tony bailed Cory and Mandy out the end of November, it cost 1050 bucks and Cory gave him back 800 immediately on the 1st of December. Now he has borrowed $50 after that for a tank of gas in his car and then $18 for some lp gas for their heater they use to heat the house. That $18 is included in the 50. Oh and I bought him a $5 meal at McDonalds but dont tell Tony.

    Well Tony was mad because I was there to make sure that he got paid back from Buck too. I said it wasnt fair that he was harder on Cory than on Buck. He said well Buck is only down on his luck because he is "not right" and not because he keeps doing stupid things like Cory and Mandy. Well, excuse me but I think being a drug addict most of your adult life and not being able to take care of yourself as a 54 year old man without depending on other people is just as bad as what happened to Cory and Mandy. And the fact that Tony continued the fact the day after all this happened on Thursday night and he continued fighting with me all day Friday seems to me to mean he must have some kind of guilty conscious about it. I didnt get up on Friday morning and say a thing. We were going up to take our little dog to get groomed and he started fighting about it the whole way. My stomach is now killing me and I think he has reactivated my ulcers. I am popping prevacids like they are candy. I can hardly eat anything.

    Then he started in on me about my room and the house. Yelling about how when Buck was here he kept the kitchen and the family room spotless. Oh hell no. When he first got here he cleaned the kitchen very well, I will give him that. He did it about 3 times a week after that. He also moved everything we had in the kitchen all around so we could never find anything and he yanked on several of the cabinets so we have to nail them back up. He broke one of our coffee pots. And lets not forget he moved my board and broke went through my floor in the laundry room and messed up my duct work. Well after he started working with Tony in mid February he then didnt do the kitchen anymore. It was all on me again. I said this to Tony and he got mad at me and said he shouldnt have had to. I said I didnt see why not since he wasnt paying any rent. Oh that was it...it was on. No man who works should have to do a thing. Oh please. Buck doesnt work, Buck stands.

    Now the one place Tony does have him on is that when we asked Buck to come over and help us clean the kitchen the day before Thanksgiving because Billy got in the accident he did. I cant get Cory and Mandy to do anything like that for me even when we offered to knock some money off their bill. I am sure Tony knocked some money off Bucks bill. Im betting more than we were going to knock off Cory's bill. I would have offered to have Buck help with the rest of the house but I simply dont trust him to help in here. I would lose more than I care to think about.

    So yesterday Tony comes into my room and starts wanting to clean my room but the whole time he is pitching a fit. Yelling at me and saying it is all my fault. Now lets remember he only left my room last April. It didnt get this bad in this few months. Now my side of the bed, I will take full responsibility for but there is a ton of stuff that I would have on the bed when he would come in when he was still in here and I would hand it to him and ask him to take it out to the trash can to throw it away and he would just throw it on the floor. Things like Billy would bring me the mail every night and I would go through it. Lots of times it would be junk mail and stuff and I would go through it. I would hand that stuff to him and tell him it was trash and he would just toss it on the floor. Well it stayed there. He would bring in 2 liter bottles every night with about a quarter or less in them so he would have something to drink if he woke up in the night and they would just pile up next to the bed. Guess what, they were still there. Oh but that was all me.

    Meanwhile, I swear, all this hollering at me is doing nothing but making my stomach hurt worse. He gets the baby over here and I go to my room cause I feel so bad. I always shut my door to my room because there is so much in here she can get hurt on or pick up and put in her mouth. Now my door is junk. It has a broken bottom because it is one of those door that look solid but arent and at one time or other someone kicked it in when I had it locked. Oh heck, people kick it in all the time. I am not allowed to lock myself in my room. Well I was sitting on my bed and the baby tried to push on my door and the bottom that has split evidently caught her fingers or she simply cried because she couldnt get in...who knows which one...and he screamed at me that I slammed the door on her fingers. No I didnt. When I came in my room she was in the kitchen doorway. I saw her. I wouldnt have shut the door if she was closer. I would have picked her up and taken her back in the family room but she was just watching me from the doorway of the kitchen. Well he went ape. Cussing me out and everything. I was sitting on my bed and had to get up in order to even see what he was screaming about. Honestly I didnt even hear her. This is why I dont like having her here. I didnt have these issues with Keyana. I dont know why, but I didnt.

    I told him last night I really didnt much like living with anyone anymore. As far as I was concerned I would be perfectly happy if I could just live alone. I was tired of him abusing me. He laughed and said he had never abused me. I told him I was going to start taping him and he said only if he could tape me. I said fine but I was going to take my tapes to a mental health professional to see what they had to say about how he was reacting because I really think there is something going wrong with him. He isnt the same person I knew years ago. I am seriously going to talk to Jamie and ask him if he notices any changes. After that I am going to talk to his boss. I think there is something going wrong.
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I wish I could pluck you out of there and put you in a nice clean living situation with lots of room and outdoor space that was beautiful and would offer you a fresh start.

    There is no way living in that and with his unsupported, never encouraging ways can be good for you. I think you are on the right track to get yourself into a better position. How he treats Cory must be so upsetting, it is heart breaking to hear it. But I have to say, it is pretty impressive that even though Cory makes mistakes, he does stand up and keep trying to do the right thing. I could see someone in that position just not paying back the money as quickly saying its not fair, etc. Says quite a bit about his character.

    I hope you can just do what you want on Christmas. Escape as you need to..... hugs Janet.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I know Tony is not the man you used to talk about here, for certain. Could be lots of things going on. Strokes, small or large can change personality either on a temp basis or permanently. After his small stroke Fred had to have the trazadone, we simply couldn't live in the same house with him peacefully without it. Gawd I hated it when he let his script run out. On it, he was the man I married.

    You know, if all Tony is going to do is yell and argue and make your holidays more miserable than even normal, why don't you see if you can snatch a motel room for a few days of peace and quiet. A xmas gift to yourself. Shut your cell off. Tell the desk you want no incoming calls unless it's an emergency. Don't answer the door. Maybe you won't want to do it on xmas, but how about right after?

    I am not my normal xmas self this year. Frankly, I could care less. I bought gifts but I can't say I was my usual excited self about it even when I found good deals. I decorated 2 days ago.......only because I *had* to do so. I could've easily skipped it this year and not missed it. I'll be doing dinner because.......well, I'm clan matriarch and that is just what I do. Can't say I'm into that either. Noise, more noise, I clean to have the house trashed again.........ehh blah.

    Some is because I'm missing Fred more than ever this year. It doesn't feel like xmas without him here doing his phoney bah humbug routine and pretending he didn't like it. Some is because of my nest egg missing, and no it wasn't found......not in pieces or otherwise. I did not do a darn thing with it, and memory issues or not I know damn well I returned the envelope to the safe and locked it. I was not in a hurry when I removed the cash because I knew easy child was coming and I didn't wait until the last minute to take cash out. Maggie did not eat it either. That whole affair just sort of took all the wind out of my sails. I haven't rallied from it yet.

    I'm cleaning and going through the motions. phht. Tomorrow I'm applying for work when I should be baking. woot ho ho ho. phht.

    Oops! Sorry, was supposed to be making you feel better. ugh

    I'd do the motel room. You need a break from the never ending Tony and Buck drama.

  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Cant do motel...no money, tony is out of work for two weeks for the first time in forever over xmas and Jamie et al is coming down. That is probably part of it. I will be stuck here entertaining Billie and kids while Jamie and Tony go hunting for at least 2 days if not more. Cory may go with them at least one of those days. I have no idea if Keyana will be here or not. We still havent figured that part out. We are going to do a drive by over there this afternoon. All I can tell on FB is she is posting by her mobile phone so she could be doing it from anywhere. I have noticed she hasnt even mentioned Keyana in her recent posts. Odd. Its all Jacob this and Jacob that. Last mention of Cameron was his birthday and I cant even tell from background in that picture where it was taken. I was trying to see if it could have been her mothers house. I do know that the kids school closed in MO on Friday at noon. She could easily be here by now. She talked a whole lot about cleaning for the past couple of weeks and then she kept talking to some dude down here and it sounds awfully cozy. That is so her. She is getting ready for the next guy already.

    Another part is I just dont want to spend another holiday with Buck. I made a point the other day of asking him sorta jokingly and sorta not...about what he was getting his nieces and nephew for Xmas IF he came to Xmas dinner. And he sorta laughed in that annoying way and said well he guessed he could make them necklaces. I quickly said oh hell no. They are young children, you dont give kids these ages necklaces like you make. They are considered choking hazards. AND Mikey is a boy! Buck said well I have given all the others necklaces. I said I dont care, you will go to Family Dollar and buy them a small toy or something like that according to age. They are 6, 5, 3 and almost 2. They dont get necklaces.

    He makes these stupid "indian" necklaces out of beads. Now fine and dandy if they were teen girls but a baby is going to yank it apart and swallow the beads and choke on them. He can darn well afford to spend a few bucks on the kids or he can go eat at a place that will feed him for free. If he doesnt bring them toys on the 25th, he will hear from me and I will cuss him out.
  5. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Didn't Tony have a stroke a while back? I recall after my Mom did she got even *more* argumentative and became verbally abusive to a degree. I mean like waking up Dad in the middle of the night to argue with him over something that happened 20 years previous kind of argumentative. At the top of her voice.
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Well.......I'm not the Sugar Plum Fairy.....Possibly the Snow Queen....(looks outside the bleek first day of Winter) nooooooooope (pops the p) I think I'm more like the Rake the yard with the Husquvarna and a Dull Blade Queen. (nods a yes) Yeah but that wasn't in the Nutcracker. No one that I can remember comes careening across the stage, sputtering wind and a 50/50 mix of gas and....(thinks a minute no......that's DEFINITELY THE weed eater.....(says it like RAIN MAN.....DEFINITELY) the weed eater.......but no one comes barreling across the stage in the Nutcracker on an Orange Tractor mulching leaves So I have to either be the Snow Flake Queen or the SHug Plum Fairy. Since We in the SOuf? I'm pickin SHug Plum Fairy. Nary a drop of snow to be found. Too bad......I would have made a dang doodle of an Ice Queen.

    I have long.......LONNNNNNNNg said that you and Tony seem to go from one disaster to another. I lived like that for years and years.....and years. ANd I watch now as other people go like that and I think......There but for the grace of a buttload of therapy......Go I. And I say that earnestly and Honestly because I still have my ups and downs and LORD KNOWS I'm quirky.....(really Star?) But the things that YOU tolerate in YOUR life Janet? (long exhale) I often wonder.....WHY. And it's not that I would just ask YOU that. Some days I'd ask Tony that too. It seemed like both of you were () close to having life to yourselfs when Cory moved out, and Billy had a girlfriend. and then BUCK showed up and rocked your word, Keyana moved out.....and if you think about it....You guys have ONE bloody crisis after another, after another after another ......and there is NEVER any recovery time where the TWO of you.......PATCH things up or make up or HUG or have PRIVATE time.......or recoup. And by the time either of you think about it? Its been YEARs. And years.
    I'm not an expert....far from it.....But I know at one time you two loved each other more fiercely than any other couple I've met in a long time. Did you BOTH forget that? Or did so many things just keep happening and happening that the bridge broke and now your on opposite sides of the town.....with a rage running through the middle of both of your lives....???? I can't answer that. But it almost seems like he's bound and determined to help buck like you help the kids. Where did your GIVE and TAKE go? It's there......it's just on vacation for BOTH of you....it's not just him.

    And his back is miserable, his teeth are miserable.....and he still works. And you don't feel well, and you battle MAJOR depression every day .......and neither of you seem to remember that about the other...and give each other the credit for SURVIVING HELL on earth with CORY, and LIFE, and Gosh knows what else. You two are tough.

    Okay so your room is a mess......and you feel like (pftffffffffff) COMPROMISE......Take a bag a day.....and sit for 30 minutes and fill it......and take it outside. ONE BAG......it shows him you're trying. ANd I have no doubt Christmas time is a hard time of year. I've lived with EEyore for so many 13 years.......that this year.......I didn't even buy one single gift......NOT ONE. I didn't get out a tree......hang a light....the ONLY thing I did was send cards and atape them to the back of the door....THAT IS IS. I am not even cooking Christmas dinner. I DON"T CARE. and guess who decided today that we should be CHRISTMASY? I could have smacked the elf right off his head. I mean I FINALLY adjusted to HIS moods and now he is SCROOGE reformed? DEAR GOD help him. I'm going to beat him with my Christmas Past. But okay. He has SAD.......and I got sadder...so he got Glad. Don't care if it came in a trash bag.....it's here. I don't have to celebrate all by myself......and MAYBE.......MAYBE that's a little of what is up with tony.....????? Every year with someone that LOVES christmas who has to be with someone that is "BAH HUMBUG" is more stressful that you can imagine. I'm not sticking up for him.......it's just really hard to be joyful when you have a christmas boat anchor on your three ships a sailing. K? k.

    Try doing something for yourself. SOemthing that makes YOU happy. Doens't haev to cost a nickel. Just find something that makes you happy. And as far as any of your kids coming here to the DA? You know the door is ALWAYS open. Sorry just saw the text. Specially if its my baby. Or my Big Bear. Either way......if they can face me, and five pit bulls? C'mone. lol.

    Hugs & Love
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You have a very good point star. Oh and it was going to be your baby. He didnt take the job though because he didnt have to nickles to rub together and things didnt quite work out and I couldnt impose like that on you. Though sounds like you could have used him...lol.

    Tony and I desperately need to get to be empty nester's without any guests. Well uninvited guests. At this point we argue about everything. He got a red shirt given to him by a company he worked for. He swears I wore it and stretched it out and he never got to wear it and then Buck got a hold of it and he has had it ever since. I never wore it because its a mens tee shirt and I dont like them. I happened to buy a red tee shirt myself right around the same time that says on the front "you cant scare me, I have kids". The shirt he is talking about has yellow letters on the arms. I never wore it, it would not have fit me at all. Honestly it would have hung to my knees. It is LONG! He keeps on saying I stretched it out first which is why it is so big on Buck!!!! BS. Buck is fat too. He weighs more than me. I have even shown him my shirt but he keeps on about the shirt and when I object he patronizes me and says "ok ok, we will say you didnt" and then rolls his eyes. Now he is denying that he ever told me that anything about Buck laughing about me taking a bunch of pills when that was all he said for months. He kept telling me that he (Tony) found it amusing that Buck used to make fun of me for having to take so many pills and how I was so pitiful and addicted to all my prescription medications and how I couldnt say anything about people who took illegal drugs because I was just as bad because I was just running to doctors faking it to get drugs from doctors. And Tony said he found it funny that now Buck was doing the same thing. Well I thought about that for a couple of weeks...or more...and then I confronted Tony and told him I didnt understand how Buck could even know about me ever being on medication because he left our area long before I was ever diagnosed with any of my disorders. At first Tony tried to deny that but I had point blank evidence that he couldnt refute of when I was diagnosed and he knew Buck was long gone by then. So I asked him, how did Buck know about my medications? Uhhhhh. I said, you had to tell him. And I told him...if you told him, or any of your family, you broke my right of privacy and you can be sued. They have no right to any of my medical information unless I give it to them or I give you permission to tell them.

    These are the arguments we get into over and over again. He laughs at me and says its not like it damaged my reputation with his family.

    I think Buck may have gotten me mixed up with Van's wife Sarah because she also takes medications but whatever. He hates them too. He doesnt like any of his family and they feel the same way about him. No one wants to be around him and he is mad at them because none of them will come see him. I pointed it out to him that Van was down to our house not too long ago and he had ample opportunity to come see him but he didnt. He said well he could have come to his apartment, I told him he was an ass. Van didnt go to Cory's house, Cory came to mine. Van also took Cory's family out to eat. Awfully nice if you ask me. Van's a nice guy. The only other decent one to come out of Tony's family.

    Ugh. If I can get Billy out of here we might have a chance. Thats a big if. Billy tried mentioning he wanted to bring his girlfriend up here to stay with us and both Tony and I about had an apoplectic fit. uhhhh no. You need to move out and in with her.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    If that child Billy is thinking of moving a female in on you then it's high time he got an eviction notice, as of oh let's say Jan 30th to give him 30 days. Good Lord Almighty, last thing you need is yet someone else to move in on you. I'd point out to Tony that obviously this "chick" has grown up and time for him to leap from the nest.

    I think I'd have smothered Buck by now at the very least. But then there are certain people I have no patience for, and it's HIS type of people. ugh