I HATE kids...especially toddlers

[DammitJanet]

I thought Hailie was bad as a toddler but no one holds a candle to the complete and utter brat that is my youngest. Monkey never wants to see her again. I dont blame her, neither do I.

For the past week all I have heard is her screaming at the top of her lungs if she doesnt get what she wants so her idiot father throws a fit if you dont let her have it.

My mother collected antique blue willow plates and they made it through me growing up, made it through my kids growing up but the brat has managed to break quite a few of them and I am told its my fault because I didnt lock them away. OH BS. Teach the brat what the word NO means.

I swear to all that is holy that if she breaks just one more thing of mine I am going to beat her bloody.

 

[Sabine]

Was I over at your house? lol. I've been guilty of telling people to lock their valuables up. I could beat kids until I'm blue in the face, and our stuff would still be destroyed. If I care about it, it's locked away. If it's out, it's fair game.

DS wanted something today, I wouldn't give it, so he proceeded to toss everything that he could reach onto the floor. Lock him in his room in time out, and he kicks the door until it breaks (brand new door). sigh.

I feel your pain.

 

[1905]

I think her father is the problem. A child that age has no clue, her dad needs to be aware of her every, single, solitary, move. You don't let a child have free range...they will hurt or kill themselves if they aren't watched...and that isn't your job Janet. Shoot , we put our little fella in the room with us and put the gate up. Secretly we call it jail, but we can't have him hurting himself and we're too old to just chase him all over the house. He's 16 months and sometimes we do let him run free, but we are right there for that. That little girl needs to be taught a few rules...where the heck is daddy?...she can learn them easily and happily.

on the other hand..I can understand the thinking he has(which is totally wrong).. you're the mom...so go, do it. My older kids (easy child's none the less)..act like I better take care of them (laundry, meals cooked) they act like children and that's how your youngest is acting... NO JANET. I have to take my own advice. My engineering student is reminding me to buy him green tea.....He is 22! We have a ton of Lipton, you know I could go on....

I swear my difficult child has got more of a clue than my easy child's. I am actually crying right now typing this. I have so much to update.

 

[DammitJanet]

You simply cannot imagine how upset I am over the plates. In fact I bought Monkey an entire set of children's blue willow plates to go with the ones I had because I intend to pass them down to her. Oh and get this. I got Monkey a lovely set of children's flatware that was from the 1940's. Yes it was tin but it looked like real stuff. I had it placed up on the second shelf of my hutch but Cory got it down and let the brat have it. I came out one day and saw them all over the floor. I about had a fit and gathered them all back up and put them on the top shelf in my kitchen. They are all gone. I found one in the sink and demanded to know where they were and all I got was a shrug. You can only imagine how much I spent on the tea set and the flatware. Almost everything Monkey got for Xmas has been broken or is missing pieces due to the brat. Of course, I dont let Monkey just go break other peoples things.

 

[Kathy813]

Janet, this is why grandparents aren't supposed to live with their grandchildren. You should only see them at their best and be able to hand them back to their parents and send them home when you get tired and want your peace and quiet again.

When is your moving date?

~Kathy

 

[DammitJanet]

We took some stuff over today. The electric was supposed to be turned on yesterday but it wasnt. Im gonna have to call them on Monday.

I think I have been spoiled with Monkey. Sure she is a normal kid but she is so good about listening.

 

[Hound dog]

Janet

The brat would not be a brat if her father were behaving like a father. Seems odd he did not behave like this with Monkey, yet he does with the little one. He needs to be told he can't make up for what her mother did/didn't do by letting her run wild and have anything she wants. What the little one wants is love, attention and discipline.

I'm glad you are moving. Daddy will regret what he is doing right now because it will be his things she will be destroying soon. By the time he is ready to rein her in.......it is going to be extremely difficult to do so. Karma is a mother all it's own.

While I don't leave fragile items within toddler's reach, I do not put up things either. I did when my kids were small, but then I didn't have much then and they were there 24/7. I did not expect grandparents or anyone else to need to do so, even if we were living with them. The kids were taught properly, even when grandparents didn't agree. I don't wait for a parent to step in, I will if I need to. It is my home and my stuff and my rules. If you can't deal with that then stay home. I waited too many years to have my nice stuff out where I could enjoy it to put it up for grandchildren. phht

 

[DammitJanet]

I thought my things were put up considering they were up on a hutch none of us even touched. She had to climb up on a sofa we never use and then up onto the hutch. Of course Cory could care less about my things. The couch I am talking about is one from my mother and I remember her buying it when I was 10. Okay that doesnt make it exactly an antique but its old. Cory's answer is that it is old and should be thrown out and burned. Uh, no. I am going to put everything we cant take with us in my office and put a padlock on the door.

Im telling you, the more I find as we pack up and get ready to move the angrier I get. I thought Tony was going to kill Cory yesterday because he just tossed a bunch of stuff into a trash can without telling us. Half the stuff he threw away were pictures of me, my family, stuff from my mom...just some stuff that he shouldnt have thrown away.

 

[Sabine]

I agree it's the worst when you think things are safe! Reminds me of when my oldest was about 16-18 months, we were in a 2 room apartment, and she happened to be in the "other" room. We heard something hitting the floor over and over..

My husband goes in and can't believe his eyes, daughter had gotten into the display case where his painted miniatures were, and was throwing them down onto the floor. (The miniatures each represented about 10 hours each of painting effort, and there were dozens of them). The thing is, the display case had an eye hook latch on the very top, (we had specially installed to keep the contents safe) and daughter had used a broom handle to push to hook up and open the door...

If we went to other people's homes, we always had to follow the child around, nonstop (exhausting!). We went out as rarely as possible!

 

[DammitJanet]

I probably wouldnt feel AS bad if he made any effort to do anything. Now today he just busted through my bedroom door screaming at me that we had to keep the front door closed. I try to do that but that is the way Abby gets in when she has been outside. She can open our front door by herself. Normally I stay awake to make sure I close it after she gets in but this morning Tony let her out and I went back to sleep thinking he was here.

Now Cory has decided he is going to tie the storm door to the inside of our main door so no one can get in or out without untying that stupid door. Wanna guess what I am tearing off of the house today? Yep, that damned screen door! Oh by the way, we had kept that door tied to the handles on the steps leading up to the house so no one would slam it because it was the THIRD door we had gotten.

What right does he have to tell me what to do!!!!!

Oh and I just heard the brat screaming in the other room. Let me hear it one more time and I am heading out with a belt. Let Cory try to have me arrested because I will have him under the jail before he can blink. And yes, I will make sure that brat goes into foster care because I sure wont take her.

 

[BusynMember]

Janet, you are a kind and loving grandmother. Cory should never speak that way to you. I won't even go into what would happen if my grown kid spoke that way to me in a house that was still mine...lol.

I agree that the problem isn't the toddler, it's the parent. My grandson never acted like that. Yeah, he was hyper and I would fall asleep when visiting him (early!), but he didn't break anything or touch everything and my son, Mr. 36, is anal about his techy toys. Little J. is well behaved and knows never to touch daddy's stuff unless daddy is with him helping him. In his mom's house, there are even stricter rules. Little J. has always had to pick up his own toys and clean his messes and he seems like a happy, well adjusted little boy (a miracle considering his parents!).

Janet, you adore your grandchildren. I think maybe you are angry that your son is not stepping up to take proper care of his granddaughter. But you don't hate toddlers. Nobody has a more loving grandma heart than you do. Nobody. The grands are probably just wild over you. You have a heart of solid gold. We all get mad at our young kids, even though we would walk through fire to save their lives.

I'm glad you are leaving, but bet those grands visit you OFTEN

 

[Hound dog]

Janet, I hope to heaven you'll be using that belt on Cory.

I don't think you hate the little one and I don't think you're truly mad at her. Deep down you know she is too young to realize what she is doing. It's Cory you're furious with and your anger should rightfully be directed at him.

Two years ago I was dealing with the demon toddler from hades. The abrupt change from the sweet baby he once was nearly shocked me to death. I have dealt with many a difficult child of all levels over the years, but he was on a level all his own.........and it was obvious that it was not gfgdom. I had to constantly remind myself that it wasn't him, it was what he was being allowed to get away with. In the beginning it was really difficult not to be mad at him as we had our battle of wills that lasted literally months upon months. Finally, now that we have the rules established and he has got it through his head that Nana is not Mommy, we are rebuilding our relationship. His parents are waking up a bit to the behavior and improving, which helps. in my opinion there is nothing worse than spoiled rotten and allowed to run amok, not even gfgdom. Brandon is not back to the sweet baby he once was but he does at least now let down the "baby brat" routine so that I can enjoy him when I'm with him most of the time, which is certainly nice. Still have to keep an eye on him, especially when he is alone with other small kids, but a vast improvement.

Overcompensation regardless of reason always does more harm than good.

Sabine: Following Travis around all day every day regardless of where we were was my life until he reached about 8 yrs old. It comes with parenting a difficult child. Travis wasn't destructive, he was overly curious and didn't understand the concept of personal boundaries......which can be equally destructive, depending. The kids went everywhere we went. There were no other options. Fred and I didn't have a date night until the kids were all teens.

My kids could go to either grandmother's house, which both were filled with breakables within easy reach, and behave themselves. They could sit patiently in a doctor office waiting room for hours. They could behave in a store......and often looked at other children trying to wander, throwing tantrums, or what not as if they were aliens. Two out of 3 of my kids were difficult children, but they were well behaved difficult children. Even katie was well behaved with us.

 

[DDD]

Janet...just keep breathing for another day or so. You are under tremendous stress. I think you're excited about starting over but I imagine that leaving the home you have lived in for so long has to be upsetting. Tony is going through similar trauma. It's just not like in a movie..every single person in your family (including the toddler) is absorbed in MAJOR turmoil. There's no way any of you can be functioning on a normal level. Once you are settled in your new place I expect it is going to take awhile to "feel at home" and your more than likely Monkey is going to be unhappy because she'll miss the familiarity and the chaos. Do concentrate on "one day at a time". And...seriously...I don't think you should leave behind anything you value. A padlock is not going to stop anyone for more than five minutes.

I am saying a prayer that this road gets smooth soon. DDD

 

[svengandhi]

Janet -

I have no grandchildren so I have no advice on grand-parenting. I just wanted to let you know that I hear you.

I agree that the one who should be belted is Cory. It makes me sad that you refer to a toddler as Brat; I understand your frustration but she is only the result of the parenting she is not getting from her father.

Good luck on your move. I hope you and Tony enjoy the next chapter of your life together.

Sven

 

[DammitJanet]

She gets it from neither parent. Mandy claims her for everything she can get for free but she only keeps her overnight maybe one night a week and she brings her back here by 9 am.

One thing that really upsets me is that Cory never yells at the baby but on Friday night he yelled at Monkey for something that the baby was doing. Like normal, the baby was having a total tantrum because I wouldnt let her have my unopened candy heart from Tony. Tony had already brought home Valentines gifts for both girls. When she went to grab my heart I told her no, its grandma's, yours is out in the living room. Well that started WWIII. She was trying to tear the plastic off so she could get inside and I wasnt going to let her. I am extremely tired and in drastic pain right now so me getting up out of my bed to chase her was simply out of the question. Monkey saw what was going on and blocked my bedroom door so she couldnt escape. Well Cory came in because she was screaming and he yelled at Monkey that she needed to get back in the kitchen and finish her dinner. Monkey did but she came back in the room later and told me no one loved her anymore. She said her daddy hated her because he never used to yell at her like that and it was obvious he loved her sister more because he didnt yell at her.

Okay, that got my blood boiling. I know I shouldnt say bad things about her father to her but he leaves me so much ammo. I told her not to worry, we loved her and her father was just stupid.

 

[svengandhi]

Maybe foster care might be the best option for this baby. She's a meal ticket to her mother and her father can't be bothered to raise her. She's still young enough that a consistent, loving environment could benefit her. I am NOT at all saying that YOU aren't giving her love and consistency but the deck is stacked against you when her father undermines every attempt you make at trying to teach her self-regulation. Monkey is suffering as well though I don't honestly know how knowing her half sister was sent to foster care would in any way reduce her fears.

I feel for everybody in this scenario but most of all for you, Monkey and the baby.

 

[Signorina]

Deep breaths Janet. She's just a baby and has no idea how to behave. Don't let the stress in your life and your rightful anger at C get displaced to the baby. You deserve the chance to be a good and loving grandma to her and she needs a stable grandma and a loving relationship with her big sister. It's her best hope, don't let her parents' bad parenting skills rob you or her of that.

If the new house isn't ready, pack an overnight bag and head for a motel room. You are overwhelmed right now and this building anger & frustration isn't good for anyone ESPECIALLY yourself. A clean calm room to yourself will give you a chance to get some peace and quiet and to catch up on your sleep. Things will seem more manageable once you catch your breath. I know hotels aren't cheap but they are cheaper than a good defense lawyer! (At least that's what I tell my h when I run away for a night)

Do something nice for yourself. In fact, if it's possible - check into the hotel and tell Tony to call you when the new house is move in ready and you will meet him there.

 

[DammitJanet]

I wish I could afford a motel room! My old therapist and I used to joke that I was simply not the type to get along in a psychiatric hospital so I should always have the money for a week away at a nice hotel with a jacuzzi and room service...lol. I miss her so much. Its been 4 years now since we had that relationship and I can tell I have just about lost everything she taught me.

I do come here to vent so I wont go off.

This week I have to get everything we want to take ready to move next weekend. Lord I didnt know my furniture was so heavy. We did get Monkey's room complete today except we dont have a bunk mattress for the top. Thankfully it doesnt need a bunky board too. I still have to get her dresser over there and then paint the stuff that isnt white but that wont be too hard. I dont have to do that immediately. I need to go tomorrow and check on the power and then get cable and internet set up over there. I really dont have a ton to get out of my room except an old dresser that was mine as a baby. I do need to do some fixing on that with glue and maybe some finishing nails. I also need to get all the clothes we are taking over. I can do that in the car. I just cant carry anything heavy like furniture.

I have decided to make the extra room my sewing and craft room. I have found some really adorable outfits that I think I can sell either locally or on Etsy and make a decent amount of money. People are really into those tulle/ballerina skirts these days and they are quite easy to do. I think with those my bread and butter will be the ones that have birthdays on them. I am also planning to make Monkey some really adorable dresses for spring and I will bet some of her classmates will be wanting them. Im going to take pictures of the outfits and put them on my fb page and link it to the woman who makes all the leotards for gymnastics.

Yes this week will be hard to get rid of trash but I will simply get me a chair and work like that. At this point I cant even get up and down without extreme pain. Im going to have to take to my pain doctor soon.

Im really not as mad at the baby as I sound. I was just telling Tony that we need to get both Monkey and the baby those push scooters because this is the first time they have had lots of concrete to ride on.

 

[lovemysons]

Janet,
Wish I could grab you and head to the casino!
You are in need of a serious break!!!

Can't wait til you and Tony have your own place and start "living the dream".

Hugs,
LMS

 

[susiestar]

Oh, janet, I agree that the belt should be used on DADDY. WTH is his problem? NO child should be allowed to have her way all the time. PERIOD. And if he is yelling at the oldest one over what the little one does? That is all sorts of messed up!

I have NEVER seen a situation turn out well when a child was not told no in a consistent and loving way as a toddler. This is NOT the child's fault, but eventually the kid pays the price. Other kids won't be friends with them, they end up in major trouble, and usually other problems end up happening and the end is a totally miserable kid/teen/adult who has no idea why she is miserable and no one likes her. Given your family genetics, this is going to be a HUGE issue for the toddler when she is older if Daddy doesn't pull his head out and start parenting her.

I am serious. Get Daddy a copy of Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood. Take just him out somewhere for coffee and sit and talk. Tell him you are really worried because he refuses to set limits for the toddler and it is destroying the house, your relationship with the child and his relationship wtih monkey who thinks he does not love her because he yells at her for stuff the little one does. Make it a wake up call and let him know that if it continues, it will literally destroy his daughter's life and cause her many years of problems. Give him the book and tell him, flat out, that he is a better parent than this and you know it because of how he parented Monkey.

I hope once the move happens that things will settle down for you. (((((hugs)))))